Ex wants parental responsibility of my son (his step-son), and I don't trust him. AIBU to block it?

[mojoawol]

Me and DH split up in October last year, I had a DS (now 11) from a previous relationship, whose father died when he was v small. Ex-dh, as a step dad, has therefore become his father figure, and now we've separated, ex has shared care of him (which he wanted as ex has DD from a previous also, and they are pretty close).
Ex is a divorce lawyer, and pretty controlling and bullying, not physically (at least not with the kids) so, although I have very mixed feelings about the kids being with him, there's very little I can do apart from be there for them when I am.
Ex has said he wants Parental Responsibility for my son. I've spoken to a lawyer who said that as he has shared care, and is playing the role of a parent, he will more than likely get it. Lawyer also told me that it doesn't really give him any rights to make decisions or anything without involving me, just to know information about him - ie his schooling etc.
However, I just don't trust him. He is an absolute narcissist who wants everyone to think he's doing the right thing for his own benefit and image. He's even said he'll be able to get it even if I don't agree (which in itself is pretty bullying)
Does anyone know anything about PR? Can it give him any rights to anything? I'm concerned why he's so desperate to get it. Could it be a stepping stone to trying to adopt him?

[Italiangreyhound]

Good luck.

[kawliga]

her calmness and reason accentuated (to me) all the red flags I was seeing in her posts

This. OP, have you noticed how many times you have repeated the phrase 'he wouldn't hurt them' in your posts? You are calmly trying to explain to a bunch of strangers on the internet that he wouldn't hurt the dc. Ask yourself why.

Just by repeatedly saying 'he wouldn't hurt them' shows that the question has crossed your mind and you're working quite hard to dismiss that possibility and convince yourself that it's all going to be ok because he wouldn't hurt them (surely, he wouldn't hurt them, surely not...nah, he wouldn't hurt them. Would he?)

If I were you I'd be running hard and fast away from this man. I wouldn't be hanging about in his orbit, calmly reading his 20 stupid texts and threats of a lawsuit and wondering what he has in store. He's an aggressive divorce lawyer. Believe me, whatever his plans are, you won't like them. He probably thinks he's smarter than you, and he's about to prove it - by getting PR of your son.

Fighting is never ideal, but if this man is threatening to take your son, it's time to fight like twenty armies.

[Italiangreyhound]

Agree with Kawlinga. Big time. I never say the phrase or think the phrase 'my husband wouldn't hurt my kids' because it has never occurred to me that he woudl. But then he would not badger me with 20 texts about something really serious that I was thinking about.

Can I ask, please, when you have spoken to these lawyers, do they know your ex, know of him, if there a chance their answers could be skewed by the fact they know you ex?

[amarmai]

he's not demanding this for no reason. You do not need him to have pr. Your son does not need him to have pr. Your ex is the one who needs pr to give him power over your son. The future of your son is going to be controlled by a controlling man. Why wd you not fight this for your son's sake?

[friendafar]

Agree with the above: I've never said that my DH wouldn't hurt the children. It's not something I've had to qualify.

Based on the other post (on phone so can't see by whom) that outlines he can't get it, please find yourself a VERY good lawyer, even if it's just for one meeting. If he's pushing on something that's a bit grey (PR after/during divorce) then you need to know. He's never going to tell you if its bang in the centre of what the law says or to the fringes, because of his personality.

[allnewredfairy]

If he's managed to parent your son thus far without PR he can carry on without it. Tell him to **off!