how can i distance myself from this mum at school who has latched on to me

[sparklesandglitterxx]

i hope I don't sound mean

dd (6) has been asking for ages if her friend could come and play so the other week I approached her mum to ask. her mum seemed really nice and asked if she could add me on fb so we could arrange something, so I agreed

so we arranged a day for her to come and play after school. then her mum asked if she could come too, as she wasn't comfortable letting her dd go and play at someones house she didn't really know ...I was a bit but thought fair enough, and said yes

well she came round last week after school with her dd and also her small baby. and while she was nice enough she wasn't really someone I had that much in common with. the conversations were hard as obvs the dcs just went off and played so I was just sat there making small talk. and I felt a bit imposed on as they ended up staying till 6, in the end I had to lie that I had stuff to do but was so awkward actually asking someone to leave

and now she keeps messaging me as if we are best mates, wanting to come round again with her dd and baby. THEN she messaged me, apropos of nothing, asking if I could lend her a tenner ...obvs I said no but felt bad

I feel bad as she is prob lonely but I have lots of friends already, and busy with work etc, and I just find the money request beyond odd

HELP

[sparklesandglitterxx]

yeah they all ate tea at our house, they ate about 4.30 ish

I offered the mum tea too which she accepted (but didn't eat myself as I always eat later)

you know what, I never thought about the pnd aspect :( I have had it with all my 3 (still have it actually, well still on ADs) ...perhaps I ought to see her again, maybe invite a group round and include her so she can meet some others too (think someone suggested that)

thanks for the replies

[Aeroflotgirl]

Or meet her outside for coffee, that way you can make excuses and depart.

[thickgit]

Erm, she may have no one else to borrow from and may simply really need it. I dunno. . . I think I would lend her the money. I also wouldn't leave my 6 year old with anyone unless I knew them well.
Fair enough, you don't want her over again maybe as the conversation doesn't flow easily. Be prepared for an invite to hers as that's what I'd expect
I don't see the massive deal about the money. And why is a tenner odd? Fifty. . . No way. A fiver or a tenner. . . No probs :)

[EponasWildDaughter]

I agree with the poster who said that someone who would rather walk over hot coals than ask to borrow money from a casual acquaintance is going to be very different socially from someone who would.. Never thought about it this way before, but they're right.

Ditto: staying for hours on a first visit, insistent messaging, calling at odd times of day, revealing personal info. very early on, dominating the conversation, etc.

(not saying she's done all these things, just giving examples off the top of my head of things which might ring these 'social difference' alarm bells with me)

I would find the money thing very off putting.

[Polgara25]

Sounds like a chancer to me - be careful and don't lend her money!

You're definitely nicer than me.

[3point14159265359]

If they ate at 4.30 I wonder if she was trying to hang on a bit so it didn't look like they ate and ran.

For an after school play date I usually plan on leaving around 5, so I can feed my own DC at home. If you'd have given us food at 4.30 I quite honestly wouldn't know what to do. (Well, I'd have declined the food, but if we somehow ate...)

Asking for money is odd though. If they were so hard up she needed a loan, how was she planning to repay? Unless it was a so I can get a cab/forgot my purse type situation maybe? Are you obviously more well off than her? (I've no idea about any of this, just thinking out loud really.)

[Kennington]

OP you sound very kind.
She clearly has problems one way or another and lacks social graces. Maybe she just is lonely and doesn't understand that borrowing ten quid is odd. Just say no, but invite her to a couple of group activities or playgroup.

[BigChocFrenzy]

"Lending" will be "giving".

[Aeroflotgirl]

She does clearly lack social boundaries, even so that op had to tell her to leave as she had things to do or she woukd stay longer! Then she messages op to ask to come round again, asking her to lend her money. That is a play date that would not be repeated. Whilst the lady may have issues, op does not have to be friends with her if she does not want. If she is lonely op coukd point her in the direction of Surestart or local mum and baby groups.

[Senpai]

So... she freeloaded dinner, then tried freeloading money?

I can see why she wouldn't have many friends.

If you want to keep up the friendship, I'd just meet in public places for play dates from now on.

[diddl]

If the girls got on well could you offer to take her daughter straight form school to yours?

I think that it's odd to ask a virtual stranger for money.

[sparklesandglitterxx]

staying for hours on a first visit, insistent messaging, calling at odd times of day, revealing personal info. very early on, dominating the conversation, etc.

epona that's interesting, she did tell me some things that were a bit tmi. I am not easily shocked and can tell some right tales about my own life, but lets just say she revealed stuff about herself that personally I would only tell the most long term trusted mate or reveal on mn

having read all the posts though I am giving her the benefit of the doubt and have arranged another meet up, at a soft play centre with some other mums I know from school so at least she will meet some others. I will definitely suggest sure start to her as well.

[manana21]

Good luck op that's a really kind thing to do, I hope she doesn't turn out to be a chancer and is just having a bit of a hard time.