to not want to talk constantly to the baby?

[JoeyJoeJoeJuniorShabadoo]

I'm a Nanny for a very lovely family based in Europe. I've done a lot of nannying, and worked for a lot of families, and can honestly say that this couple are the nicest that I've worked for; generally very friendly and respectful of me. Jobs with nice families are really very hard to find, this one also pays well and has a few good perks; so I don't want to leave it or mess anything up.

I look after one baby, she is currently 4 months old. I have been with them for 2 months.

One of the issues that I have with the job is the PFBness of the parents, particularly the mother. I have spreadsheets to fill in throughout the day to record baby's weight, nappies, amount of milk drank, how often she is massaged, sleep patterns etc etc. Every day she must be given several special baby massages, bathed with exactly the right quantity of fresh milk and oil mixed with the water, picked up in a special way (we actually went to a class to teach us how to pick babies up...), all bottles are sterilised within an inch of their lives and can only be handled with special tweezers. Milk cannot be reheated and sterile water is rotated throughout the day. We do not use wetwipes (not even water wipes) but instead have a ceramic bowl to fill with warm water and use special tissues dipped in this water to do the nappy change. There are probably loads more but I can't think of any right now. Have a look on one of the PFB threads; we do pretty much all of it.

Anyway, tonight she has just come home from some postnatal class (with a physio not a child specialist) and told me that she has learned that it is essential that we constantly talk to the baby. As in, constantly. So whenever we are with her and she is awake there must be a constant stream of talk. This apparently is essential for her development.
(I've done diplomas in childcare and am studying a degree in child development and whilst communication is important, constant seems a bit much).

The idea of having to talk constantly to the baby is making me really anxious. I'm a pretty quiet person in general and very reserved. Whilst I talk to her often, and sing to her too, I really can't bare the thought of having to talk/sing all of the time.

AIBU? I understand that it is her baby put I'm starting to feel really smothered by all of the things that are "essential" for the babys development/health etc.

[Wolpertinger]

While it is up to the mum as she is paying you, she has employed an expert - you!

Can you practice some phrases in the mirror to say to her when she's being particularly bonkers to make it clear that you do know your stuff?

She clearly wants to do the best for her baby but is very anxious and rather impressionable. If you were a bit more Mary Poppins and came across as confident and knowledgeable as well as sweet and loving, I think she would be delighted.

[nooka]

Perhaps the approach to take with this is to start giving the parents some of the research evidence you are learning through your degree? It sounds as if she is a bit over anxious, and reassuring her that she has employed someone who is very knowledgeable might help her to relax a bit? Or just provide a bit of a basis of better communication/compromise without the OP having to feel too confrontational.

It's a very difficult relationship I think, especially if the OP is nannying when the mother is home. We has two nannies and felt much more comfortable with the second one who was better at managing us (she was a lovely young firm and loving person, great with both our children and us!).

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Good god what a load of nonsense. too much stimulation.is as bad as not enough. unless there are health concerns surely at 4 months it's time to ditch the nappy count and daily weigh ins. seriously all that's doing is setting her up to panic the second there's a blip when it's just a normal stage.

how do yku have time to fill out spread sheets when your constantly faffing about with the rest of it.

she needs to calm down befire she gives herself an ulcer

[Mellifera]

You are in Germany, right?
I did all those PFB things except the weighing with all of mine

The talking bit is clearly a bit OTT, talking is good, but you have to be yourself. If you sing and talk to her while changing nappies etc there is no need for baby to be constantly talked at.

Good luck with this issue, as you get on generally, I'm sure it can be sorted.

[BertieBotts]

Have they actually said your level of talking you currently do isn't enough? Or are they just giving you a guideline and you can say "Oh yes what a great point, I always make sure I talk to xxxx" ?

Constantly as in literally constant just sounds too bonkers to be true. Is it possible that they just mean narrate your movements, which is what is good advice anyway?

[Artandco]

Also yes the above is very German. They have baby specialist doctors and clinics compared to here so many things very focused on 0-12 months ( you change doctor at 12 months for a child doctor, then again as a teenager, adult and elderly)

[velourvoyageur]

I read that actually baby talk is more useful for the baby, rather than adult talk, because they process that more easily whereas what they can't understand is tuned out and sort of background noise. I imagine it might be the same case with the amount you talk to them.

Po Bronson book perhaps?

[Senpai]

How much are you getting paid? The money might be worth the bullshit.

I talked to DD all the time, she's still on the low end of average for her age with verbal communication skills. Though she knows much more than I gave her credit for too, and can accurately say yes or no to a question if I ask her what she wants.

[IoraRua]

Ahhh yes, I worked for someone like this as a teen. I had to speak Irish and German to the kid (no, not raised bilingual) for an hour per language a day. And play with every toy once a day, and wipe down the toys with a sterile wipe after she'd touched them...you have my sympathies.

You are an expert though, I would talk to her about this.

[ShamefulPlaceMarker]

Maybe her pfbness is due to over compensating for the fact that she has someone else Looking after her child more than she does?
Not dissong those who work, but matbe this mum if feeling guilty?

[JoeyJoeJoeJuniorShabadoo]

Firstly, thank you to everyone for your kind replies. I'd actually been avoiding MN for about 2 years as things seemed to get a bit too vipery for me. I was so nervous about posting as I was sure I was going to get flamed, so thank you!

She may well be over compensating, she does seem to be upset when she is away too much. I realise that some of the PFB examples I provided are a bit weak but there are so many. The wet wipes thing, for example, whilst fine now - she wants to continue until potty trained.

I've done some research so I have some papers to back me up if the talking thing is raised again. I also think I need to toughen up a bit and start taking more of a firm lead. I'm scared of that bit!

[Focusfocus]

What's with the if she's truly PFB and ask her to look after her own baby comments?!

Christ.

[myusernamewastaken]

I couldnt bear to have to talk constantly.....i have a friend who talks constantly at me and i find it exhausting to have to keep responding and replying to her....after a 9 hour shift at work im so tired i often tell the kids to please just give me 15 mins of quiet whilst i have a brew and wind down.

[badg3r]

Maybe you can get a couple of papers showing what is currently recommended - like a bit about listening, baby talk, whether is actually says ALL DAY anywhere, and discuss gently with her? If you approach it from an "I hadn't heard that advice so I looked into it some more because it sounded worthwhile" angle then you won't hurt her feelings so much by saying you think it's a bit much. If she's just based it off one person in one class then maybe she'll be open to adapting to a more realistic pattern?

[OnlyLovers]

I think badg3r has some good advice.

And lay off the 'she should look after her own baby' shite, people!