My patience is losing thin. AIBU to feel lost?

[cjt110]

-posting here for traffic and advice really rather than AIBU-

My son, 14.5m is really testing my patience right now and I feel horrid for feeling this way. He is going from the loviest, happiest little thing making me burst with pride into a stroppy. whingy, unsettable little boy.

Take yesterday for example, and I know he is also cutting a tooth and has a cold. Yesterdsay morning, a lovely time, building with his stacking toys together and his duplo and cuddles and just nice times. A 2 hour nap, lunch then the devil came out of him. He was just unsettled no matter what we did. even pain relief didnt help. He is kicking out, not just kicking his legs but actually kicking me any time I try and change/dress him. Won't let me clean him properly during changes. After bathtime last night it was a 10 minute battle to get his nappy and pjs on and even resulted in my husband shouting at him because he kicks me so hard.

He is constantly going/playing with things he shouldnt (I know h's a baby and that's what they do). WTAF is the fascination with the bin and the drawer. We have an open plan kitchen living area and the number of times I have to remove him from the kitchen when I'm cooking, Well I've lost count. Yet he's never in there when Im not cooking.

I just feel so stressed out by it all. I know it's all normal stuff but I hoped that someone might be able to give me some advice on how to discourage him, or at least manage my patience.

Thanks

[Callaird]

I disagree with locking him out of the kitchen when you are cooking, he just wants to be near you. Most children go through separation anxiety at some point, it doesn't always manifest as not wanted to be left with someone else. Move things around and give him a cupboard of his own with unbreakable things but not toys, we have plastic bowls, a couple of wooden spoons/spatulas, all the Tupperware pots and I also keep any small plastic jars we empty, to go in there, it is in a corner away from the kitchen 'triangle' and because he doesn't play with it often, it keeps him quiet for ages.

I also disagree with baby proofing the house, but that's for a whole ither thread!

Nappy changing, again find something that he is not 'allowed' to play with generally, your watch, keys, phone, a teaspoon works well with my charge. Have a few things he really covets in a basket next to the changing mat so if he gets bored you have something on hand to swap. Or try singing, try row row your boat while moving his legs up and down. But be firm, it's nappy change time now and we don't wants mess in a firm voice.

Kicking, if he kicks you, put him down, tell him he is hurting you and you don't want to hold him until he says sorry (if verbal) gives you a sorry hug. Walk away from him, if you can.

And most of all, remember it's a stage (23 charges in 29 years and none of them kick anyone now!) this too will pass!!

[florentina1]

First of all, you have my sympathy. I was a Childminder for 12 years, now grandmother to 8. So many times I heard about the terrible 2s. I think between 1 and 2 is the absolute hardest time. Because they have no reasoning skills, they do not understand reward, punishment or danger. You have this lively little thing that has an unerring instinct about how to sense when you are low, on edge or busy.

What to do. Travel cot, playpen, Pram or sling will keep him safe for when you absolutely cannot leave him to his own devices. The dreaded t.v will distract him for short periods. The kicking and the wriggling when nappy changing are natural behaviours, you just have to take a deep breath and do it it as quickly as possible. It will pass.

Although they don't understand 'naughty behaviour' as such they do pick up on vibes. When playing up at bath time or nappy change, do not raise your voice or verbally interact in any way. Quietly and firmly do what needs to be done with a stern expression on your face. Do not speak, he will be watching you for a reaction. Once the task is completed revert to happy face with lots of praise.

Small Children love a reaction, it is part of the learning process. Getting no reaction but just quiet firmness, along with natural,learning will eventually change his behaviour.

I don't believe there is a parent alive who has not struggled at this age.

[florentina1]

Just to add, I had a drawing on my wall of a room in chaos, with children causing mayhem and havoc all around.

In the middle of the room was a woman drinking wine and reading a book sitting in a playpen.

It was drawn in 1932.

[Abidewithme3]

As a cm Floryntina I completely agree with your post.

Playpen playpen and remember it gets better. He's not naughty and you are not failing as parents.

Sometimes you shout at toddlers. They will survive this. You will too.

Be kind to yourselves and don't expect too much from him. He's still a baby. Just because he has walking skills doesn't make his understanding better.

Chill. Things get better.

[Abidewithme3]

Love the second post too.

[MagicalMrsMistoffelees]

Now you've put the shouting incident in context - once in 14 months - please don't feel bad about it. Parenting is hard work! Even though we understand they're not doing something on purpose or they're just being curious it can still be frustrating and, dare I say it, annoying!

Between when they start walking and 3 really is hard because they have no sense of danger or boundaries, don't understand why they can't do exactly what they want right now and don't have the language to express all the things they are experiencing and feeling. It's an extraordinary period of development. They (little humans) are amazing creatures.

It does pass though - my older two are 5 and 8 and that's all long forgotten. All about homework, after school clubs, football training, parents' evening and minecraft now. Though I do have a six month old too so it's all to come again - agh!!

Sounds like you are already offering alternatives to distract him. If these keep failing and you need to sort the dinner or peg the washing out I would recommend CBeebies. It is awesome. As a Reception teacher I am continually impressed by how much of the early years curriculum it covers in a fun, interesting and memorable way. If anyone says TV rots chn's brains I throw CBeebies right back at them.

[cjt110]

Thanks for your really helpful posts florentina1 littlef00t and callaird

florentina I have seen one recently doing the rounds on facebook so I know the kind of picture to which you refer.

I like the idea of quiet and stern whilst changing.

MagicalMrsMistoffelees It's good to hear Cbeebies is good for children. So many people say about tv time etc. He watches about 30 mins of a morning once he's up so we can get ready for our day too and maybe the same at night to wind down before bedtime. If you have time I'd like to know if the programmes he watches are beneficial too.

[PeasinPod1]

OP is he walking yet or crawling? Sorry if I missed it.

I went through this stage 5 months ago-DS now 22 months- when he could no longer go in the jumbaroo! Know how hard it is.

Highchair with some snacks on try in front of peppa pig while you cook or high-chair with you in kitchen, in front of the washing machine (have found most toddlers love this and will sit for ages watching it)

[cjt110]

PeasinPod1 He is crawling (fast) and cruising using furniture etc at the mo.

[gandalf456]

Can everyone stop making op feel guilty for shouting?

She only did it once and it's not as if she walloped him. He's not going to be scarred by it.

Op is obviously feeling very overwhelmed at the moment and needs our support with perhaps tried and tested suggestions. It is a very testing age and everyone has got everything completely out of proportion

[cjt110]

Any helpful suggestions other than those above are REALLY welcome.

[Thurlow]

Curious now... What's wrong with the suggestions above?

[PeasinPod1]

OP- re changing. my DS was also like this and so strong with it. If he ever tries to still wriggle or kick, I make a game out of it and actually grab his legs and wriggle them up and down, side to side, he cant help but laugh.

I also tried singing to him and making stupid faces/noises/head banging to look as stupid as possible and make him laugh. When he is calm I praise him in very overly positive/encouraging way "oooh good boy, thankyou" so he realises its much quicker when he doesn't resists a change.

This toy-
www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B004AHMCKA?keywords=sassy%20wonder%20wheel&qid=1445872175&ref_=sr_1_1&sr=8-1&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

is also great to have around , it can stick onto the table/wall or if your DH is around 1 of you hold it above him as other changes him.

[cjt110]

Thurlow Nothing - just the unhelpful ones are unhelpful :)

I know it's the other site but I just found this on Netmums about "timeout bottles" I wonder if this would be good for my son to calm him down...

[starkers1]

OP- a lot of people have taken the time to give you very good advice, so as well as acknowledging the unhelpful advice, perhaps also acknowledge the definitely helpful, thoughtful advice and tips too.

[Fairenuff]

How many more suggestions do you need OP?

There is lots of great advice on this thread.

[cjt110]

I have done above Starkers and I do appreciate the advice given. It has helped me realise with a little change, it could make a world of difference.

[cjt110]

Fairenuff - Xposted.

[NeededANameChangeAnyway]

You have to be relentless with the things you don't want him to touch - we have an open fire and although we have a fire guard we were on ds's back constantly about not going on the hearth or touching the guard. And I mean constantly - not even a toe got on the hearth and eventually he just seemed to give up. Now he barely looks at it. He's 2.5 now if that helps!

[cjt110]

Needed Thanks for the advice. I'm hoping DH come home with a bin that will go in the cupboard. That will cover off half the battles.

I guess I just need to be a stickler for what he can can't touch.

I think I also need to learn to step back and be calm too when it's hard.

[florentina1]

Goodness, leave the girl alone. Here is a mum just asking for as many coping strategies as possible in an honest and straight forward way.

She never said the ideas she had been given were not good enough. We all know that not every strategy works for every child. That a strategy that worked yesterday might not work today.

With all my experience I recently had a 20 minute stand off with a 4 year old. I told him before we left home that, I would not carry his Scooter so if he took it he would have to ride it all the way. 10 minutes later, a 68 year old and 4 year old stood silently, neither going to give in. We would still be there if I had not picked up the Scooter.

Agree with the poster who said no lasting damage has ever been done to a child by an occasional shout.

[cjt110]

I just want to soak up as much as possible - Mainly about my OWN coping strategies for keeping calm.

I am trying, with no holds barred, being honest about how I feel about it all. As Ive said, I hate that we ended up shouting at him and I feel mortified to be saying I feel at my wits end.

[Thurlow]

Whenever I feel like I'm losing my patience with DD which is quite often I try and do something I read about on here, which is imagine that you're being watched. It does help, you kind of take a breath and try and make yourself calmer. Also, if you can - and this is harder to do - try and stop and imagine what the situation might look like to your DC. What seems perfectly logical to us makes no sense to them. Why can't he play with the bin? It's something that's just there, in the house, and mum and dad play with it all the time, so why can't he?

[cjt110]

Thurlow Both fantastic suggestions. Especially mum and dad play with it all the time, so why can't he

[NeededANameChangeAnyway]

There was a thread recently about how to stop losing your temper, there were a lot of great suggestions on it if you can find it - on my phone and can't link.

Thurlow makes an excellent point about some things not being logical to a child, in our case we fiddle constantly with the fire, the fire guard and the poker so it seems unfair to ds when he is forbidden to do the same. I can't remember how old your ds is but it might be useful to emphasise that the bin is dirty to back up why he can't touch