My patience is losing thin. AIBU to feel lost?

[cjt110]

-posting here for traffic and advice really rather than AIBU-

My son, 14.5m is really testing my patience right now and I feel horrid for feeling this way. He is going from the loviest, happiest little thing making me burst with pride into a stroppy. whingy, unsettable little boy.

Take yesterday for example, and I know he is also cutting a tooth and has a cold. Yesterdsay morning, a lovely time, building with his stacking toys together and his duplo and cuddles and just nice times. A 2 hour nap, lunch then the devil came out of him. He was just unsettled no matter what we did. even pain relief didnt help. He is kicking out, not just kicking his legs but actually kicking me any time I try and change/dress him. Won't let me clean him properly during changes. After bathtime last night it was a 10 minute battle to get his nappy and pjs on and even resulted in my husband shouting at him because he kicks me so hard.

He is constantly going/playing with things he shouldnt (I know h's a baby and that's what they do). WTAF is the fascination with the bin and the drawer. We have an open plan kitchen living area and the number of times I have to remove him from the kitchen when I'm cooking, Well I've lost count. Yet he's never in there when Im not cooking.

I just feel so stressed out by it all. I know it's all normal stuff but I hoped that someone might be able to give me some advice on how to discourage him, or at least manage my patience.

Thanks

[WhatWouldMaLarkinDo]

Glad things are getting better, it really is so hard when they're that age. DS is 23 months and also had an obsession with the kitchen bin - we bought a lockable one (supposed to keep pets out but it works for toddlers too!) for 30 quid, it's a simplehuman one and we had it from The Range. It sorted that problem and my sanity straight away!

With regards to cooking, I try to do meal prep throughout the day, so today for example I've made salmon in pastry. I skinned the salmon and mixed some cream cheese and chives while DS was having his lunch (confined to his highchair!) and then wrapped it all in pastry while he was napping, ready on a baking tray to shove in the oven later. Job done and no toddler interference! Also don't feel bad about having a couple of ready meal standbys in the freezer for more 'challenging' days...

You will get through this. Just remember everything's a phase and it will get easier. And we all lose our temper from time to time so try not to feel bad.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Really pleased things are getting better for you cjt - and without wanting to piss on your chips, as it were, just remember that, if he does have another off day (which he will), it won't last forever, and he is just as likely to have another great day the next day afterwards.

So - get through the rough days as best you can, and make the most of the great days

[GreenWalls]

Too late to the party!

Sorry! But sounds like things are looking up :)

[GreenWalls]

Move the bin, secure the cupboards, get a gate.

This is what babies do. It's only a phase - not forever.

Don't shout at him - he doesn't understand. Best thing at this age is to avoid avoid any situations where he can get at things he isn't allowed.

[TheCreepyContessaOfPlumperton]

Excellent news cjt110 sometimes small changes do make a big overall difference - a calmer changing time = a happier home!

[cjt110]

Another update - Sorry I know it's breaking MN rules - but I am so pleased. last night got home, DS was happily playing away. Bedtime an changing time - no incidents whatsoever due to the "changing" rattle. In fact, it was fun!

[cjt110]

Castiels I cant find any that cheap :(

Contessa Yep. I agree totally.

[CastielsClevererBetterSister]

To be honest you could probably get one from eBay for about a tenner.

[TheCreepyContessaOfPlumperton]

We refer to Postman Pat as incompetent in our household. It was one of DS1's first recognisable words

[cjt110]

I have recently come across Alphablocks of a morning when Ive put it on and he seems fascinated by it, even though it's way beyond his understanding.

I wonder if programmes like postman pat have any educational value - that stupid man never gets his parcels there without hazard!

[MagicalMrsMistoffelees]

That's fantastic OP. And of course 99% of the time things are great but we're not going to post on a parenting forum about that!

You asked me about TV but I'm not an expert at all and would never want to comment on the suitability of programmes. I'm just aware (as a Reception teacher) of how much thought has gone into CBeebies programming in consideration of young children's development. I really could 'lift' my teaching inputs from many of the programmes and have actually used clips from CBeebies shows to support classroom learning eg Alphablocks, Number Jacks, Get Well Soon etc.

But I'm not precious about TV anyway. My children (pre-Minecraft and YouTube!) would sometimes watch things like Phineus and Ferb, Adventure Time etc for a couple of hours after school and it really didn't bother me. I kind of miss those shows now they only ever put the TV on to watch Stampy or Diamond Minecart on YouTube! If you've not heard of these people then be grateful!

[cjt110]

pudcat Sadly not - it's a minging yellow colour that's at least 12 years old. We have decided until we can afford a gate to divide the room (looking at £50+) we will put a waste paper type bin under the sink in the cupboard

[pudcat]

With the bin - can you get a smaller one the same colour and type, and fill it with harmless recyclable boxes? Empty cereal boxes, cardboard tubes etc. Then move the other one out of reach.

[TheCreepyContessaOfPlumperton]

I'm glad you had a good time with your son cjt110 - store it in your memory to sustain you for the future!

The ratio of good:rubbish times does start to increase rapidly as they become more verbal and logical, trust me on this.

[cjt110]

After my feeling of sheer loss yesterday, I picked him up from my Mums and he showered me in kisses. We got home and had a play, him going bonkers with a rattle his Dad found and us joining in like loons with other musical instruments. He ate his tea quite happily and lay watching ITNG whilst I changed him for bed. It was lovely. I need to focus more on the nice times like that than the bad stuff.

[Galvanised]

I think you need to pick your battles. He's 14 mo, you have years of distracting/removing dangerous objects ahead of you. Years.
Move the bin, or clean it so that when it is licked there is less chance of infection. Stop thinking that saying 'no' is in anyway effective. Use words like 'dirty, hot, sharp' complete with mildly concerned look, and provide an alternative plaything immediately. None of my 14 mo old's were interested in playing with toys on their own for any length of time, but a basin of water and things to put into it might have given me a few mins peace. Distraction does work, but probably not for more than a few mins at this stage.

[cjt110]

We really need one like that Castiels But It'll have to wait til the end of Nov - Too costly for us at the mo :(

[CastielsClevererBetterSister]

www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/1704484.htm?CMPID=GS001&_$ja=cgid:18091972765|tsid:59156|cid:189942085|lid:96719192485|nw:g|crid:77627772805|rnd:15742279748139625868|dvc:c|adp:1o2|bku:1&gclid=CjwKEAjwwbyxBRCS74T049iEp0wSJACkO5v18ANBf0AgZyt8ibF0YLcanIZtzlDokZK3mXGmWixExxoCpTnw_wcB

I found this invaluable! You can pop them in and they can see you and they're safe or you can open it up and it can act as a room divider.

[cjt110]

Thanks for your helpful post Painted Its given me some food for thought.

[Paintedhandprints]

Ds is 18mo and is just starting to show awareness of things I tell him. When we said no, he usually grins at us, watches to make sure we are adding attention and does the naughty thing again. Then runs away laughing. It's a game for him and a way to get attention. So the latest battle is getting him to not pull at the curtains in the living room. He absolutely can't because walls are made out of sand and the rail would come down. So if we shout no at him, he carries on until we come over and physically remove him. Then he keeps going back to it. We now try a combination of distraction, we start brumming his lorry to him. Ignoring the behavior sometimes makes him lose interest. This can be difficult but if you go to play with something he will sometimes be distracted.
I've noticed he generally starts doing something we don't like when we're ignoring him. It's an attention seeking thing.
He also had a phase of nappy change fights. I usually give him a toy to play with. Eventually had to bribe him with a reward of raisins. He seems to be over that fight now and will lay down quietly for a change. He had a touch of rash at the time of the struggles, this may have been the reason.
At about 12mo he started hitting and scratching our faces and finding it funny. This took a few months but taking his hands and gently stroking them on my face and saying 'oh this is nice and lovely, gentle hand's and being calm with him. Also putting him down and leaving the room everytime he hit me.
When I get angry with him, because it is frustrating, I leave the room for a few minutes.
I also sometimes end up cooking while holding him. Distraction with my measuring spoons or whisk sometimes works or a carrot stick if he is hungry. He likes to empty my tupperware drawer.
Gosh that was long!
I sometimes let him explore slightly dangerous things with my supervision. So he can get up and down the stairs safely now.
Oh another one was trying to touch bees in the garden. I eventually had to pinch his palm and say ouch while pointing at the bees. He seemed to get the idea pretty quickly. Sounds cruel but this was after weeks of him trying to pick up bees. He's now obsessed with picking berries in the garden. Sigh. Not cracked this yet but keep a close eye on him. Trying to teach him to help sweep them up and help by handing them to me and telling him yuck horrible, etc.
It's hard work but i figure it's much easier to teach him now when he wants to please.

[NeededANameChangeAnyway]

There was a thread recently about how to stop losing your temper, there were a lot of great suggestions on it if you can find it - on my phone and can't link.

Thurlow makes an excellent point about some things not being logical to a child, in our case we fiddle constantly with the fire, the fire guard and the poker so it seems unfair to ds when he is forbidden to do the same. I can't remember how old your ds is but it might be useful to emphasise that the bin is dirty to back up why he can't touch

[cjt110]

Thurlow Both fantastic suggestions. Especially mum and dad play with it all the time, so why can't he

[Thurlow]

Whenever I feel like I'm losing my patience with DD which is quite often I try and do something I read about on here, which is imagine that you're being watched. It does help, you kind of take a breath and try and make yourself calmer. Also, if you can - and this is harder to do - try and stop and imagine what the situation might look like to your DC. What seems perfectly logical to us makes no sense to them. Why can't he play with the bin? It's something that's just there, in the house, and mum and dad play with it all the time, so why can't he?

[cjt110]

I just want to soak up as much as possible - Mainly about my OWN coping strategies for keeping calm.

I am trying, with no holds barred, being honest about how I feel about it all. As Ive said, I hate that we ended up shouting at him and I feel mortified to be saying I feel at my wits end.

[florentina1]

Goodness, leave the girl alone. Here is a mum just asking for as many coping strategies as possible in an honest and straight forward way.

She never said the ideas she had been given were not good enough. We all know that not every strategy works for every child. That a strategy that worked yesterday might not work today.

With all my experience I recently had a 20 minute stand off with a 4 year old. I told him before we left home that, I would not carry his Scooter so if he took it he would have to ride it all the way. 10 minutes later, a 68 year old and 4 year old stood silently, neither going to give in. We would still be there if I had not picked up the Scooter.

Agree with the poster who said no lasting damage has ever been done to a child by an occasional shout.