My neighbour is making me so stressed i feel ill.

[systemusername]

Lived in apartment for five years with dc who are teens.

About six months ago new single neighbour in their 60s moved to apartment underneath us.

FWIW I have lived in four apartments in last eight years and two houses before that and have never had a noise complaint.

New neighbour comes out of his apartment everytime I do. So if I go to the shop, work, bins etc he comes out. He always does it passive aggressively on the pretense of just bumping into me but it is everytime I leave the house and he always makes some comment of being able to hear the kids walking around, he brought his boys up to tiptoe etc. He has followed me round the shop before now.

We have carpet, rugs and do not wear shoes in the house. One dc is disabled so does drop things and sometimes run across the room which must be annoying but I instantly stop her from running.
The dc leave at 7am till 4.15pm and are in bed at nine. We are away every week from Friday night to Sunday night so literally he has less than 25 hours of us being in the house awake each week out of 168 hours!
They do not play music without headphones etc.
He has even made digs about hearing other teens walk past his house on the way to school.

He is making me feel anxious and trapped in my own home. I've spoken to landlord but nothing has changed.

[suzannecaravaggio]

he sounds like a weirdo-stalker-bully though

[DrasticAction]

OP I write that ^ as someone whose life was ruined by noise from neighbours for several years, involving council EH and all sorts.

[suzannecaravaggio]

I'm finding this quite upsetting and intimidating

if that's his intention then telling him this will just make him really pleased

[Orangeanddemons]

Just tell him to fuck off

Tell him to stop harassing you forthwith or you'll take it further

[badtime]

We had a downstairs neighbour when I was a teenager, and she was always complaining about the noise we made, even having a go at me on occasion.

In the end, she went to the council, environmental health etc. Then she stopped her complaints because she was basically told that we weren't doing anything wrong. Which meant that she was the one who was making trouble and being a bad neighbour.

[badtime]

Oh, we weren't noisy by the way, it was just normal life noises, which she didn't like.

[Katie2001]

You mention that when you were nice he chatted you up - absolutely no excuse for harassing you over noise, but I suspect he is lonely and doesn't know any other way of making conversation other than the same topic. Must be horrible for you though.

[honeyroar]

I'd say something along the lines of Drastic Action. Tell him you all try your best to be quiet and guard against noise, but at the end of the day he does live in a flat.... If he can't cope perhaps he should think about moving to a house? And say you are really tired of him stalking you in the corridors and shops about it. Tell him you will be complaining about him to the landlord if not. Give him some stress back!

[systemusername]

Thank you.
I do think he thinks he can push me around as a woman. The first time I met him he moaned when he realised I had children and wanted to know if he had a partner. He has also commented that he sees my Mum picking us up on a Friday (she drives into and parks in our parking space and waits as she cannot get up the stairs so not sure what he is playing at with that!!

I have got to the point that I am checking through the window to see if his car is there and telling the kids to shh if it is :(

It is a Victorian converted house. I cannot hear his hoover, toilet flush etc so I don't think sound proof if very bad. I can hear his tv.

I also have my living room above his bedroom as the kids go to bed before he does so he doesn't even have the kids above him between 4.15 and 9pm. At nine they go to bed above his living room. I know he is still up as I can hear the mumble of his tv.

The kids watch tv or tablets in bed for a bit. There is rarely any messing.

[TheCountessofFitzdotterel]

Drastic is right. Implying to you that your kids should be literally tiptoeing in their own home is ridiculous.

[systemusername]

He wanted to know if I had a partner not him sorry.

[amarmai]

the Q about a partner puts the behaviour in a different light. He is spying on you and stalking you. keep a record for the police and turn back when he catches up with , and say nothing.

[suzannecaravaggio]

The first time I met him he moaned when he realised I had children and wanted to know if I had a partner

to him single woman = green light to take the piss

If he talks to you shut down the conversation quickly, don't answer any questions or give him any information, don't explain or apologise for anything

he's acting as if he has some grounds for authority over you

he doesn't

[Babytookacupwoo]

Jesus don't call the police. This is one of those tricky situations you just Have to deal with. It's possible if you smile nod and ignore he will get the message and bigger off. Otherwise you're going to have to be frank. But you can't really engage with passive aggressive people so don't hope for much :(

[coffeetasteslikeshit]

Bugger, my well thought out, long reply has disappeared and I have to go out now! So, in a nutshell. He is being massively unreasonable and you have bent over backwards to be a good neighbour. Now is the time to get tough with him or completely ignore him (I like the headphones idea - I'm very non-confrontationable, if that's even a word).

Remember: It is not your fault, you have done nothing wrong.

[PaulAnkaTheDog]

Your teenagers go to bed at nine?!

[hiddenhome2]

He's a petty bully. If you didn't have kids, he'd find something else to complain about.

You can see what type of person he is.

[DrasticAction]

OP the bottom line is, if he went as far as getting the council out they would say its normal everyday living.

which it is.

maybe start to have parties, start to excersise and jump around, jump rope etc, and then he may learn what normal living is.

i suspect he is a lonely old git who has nice contact with you over noise...kills two birds with one stone.

[Jellytot321]

He sounds like a lonely old bloke with nothing better to do with his time- I personally would find the way he was acting quite intimidating as he sounds very creepy. I'd keep a brief record of anything that happens, but try not to worry about it too much- you are not in the wrong here and can't let some silly old git control your life!

It sounds like you have impeccably behaved teenagers, OP

[OnlyLovers]

Him being there every time you come out of your flat sounds like deliberate harassment to me. Is it worth keeping a log of every time it happens?

I also agree with those who say just tell him to butt out. Sounds like he thinks he can intimidate you, whether he realises how bad his behaviour is or not. Give him a mouthful back, rather than being nice and accommodating and reasonable; he might get the message.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

If he is noise sensitive then unfortunately that is his problem if you are not being unreasonably noisy (and you aren't).

[RandomMess]

I think you need to put up some HUGE boundaries and do not engage with him at all. He is harassing you

[Jux]

"Jolly good" and move on. Whatever he says, you say "jolly good" and carry on. You'll get very good at not hearing a word he says quickly enough, if you stop giving him brain space. So you develop a quick response which is fairly meaningless and use it until it's automatic.

"I don't mind the noise, but..."
"Jolly good."

"I brought my children up on tiptoe."
"Jolly good."

"I see your mum's parked outside every Friday."
"Jolly good."

Etc. No expression, you're not responding, you're just replying to words with other words.

[systemusername]

Yes they are young teens but nine on a school night. They do watch tv or read for a bit. Am I mean?

[suzannecaravaggio]

No OP you're doing a great job, just just need to maintain the barrier between you and the pesky nosy neighbour :)