school football team, anyone know the rules? AIBU (long)

[MsJamieFraser]

Sorry its going to be a long one so as to not drip feed.

Ds Y5, has been picked for his school football team, however was then told today that he is 1 of 3 subs and so this will mean he will play 2 school football games every term

7 boys will get a permanent place each week, (same boys every week) the games consist of 2 x 14min matches each week.

Ds has been told if he "proves" himself he will get more play time.

Ds has came home disappointed, and is saying how can I prove myself being a sub every 3 weeks (he may not even get a game when he attends) and is upset, hes also confused about the message the school is giving him, as a boy in his class has been given a permanent place who is known as a bad pupil (warnings, kept in at play time etc...)

Ds is a model pupil,(gets start of the week multiple times, HT award, pupil awards buddy awards etc) he has represented his school and county is many sporting events, (football, swimming. tennis, hockey, and has won each individual competition for the school) he is also a signed academy footballer

He attends the schools football training without fail,(every week) yet two boys who have been given a permanent place don't attend at all, and loudly state they would rather play on their xbox. (they do as the boys who ds is talking about, are in ds non signed football team and we are good friends with the parents) (ds, plays football for two teams, on a Saturday and Sunday)

Now back story me and dh run a U10's football team we are both registered coaches with the FA, what the school is doing goes against everything what the FA and grassroots stand for. I'm also worried about the message that ds has been told he needs to "prove" himself!

Im also concerned about the message ds has been told that 7 other boys are better than him (they maybe, but a 9 year old according to FA and grassroots rules) should NEVER be told this, also where is the TEAM spirit in this, It has already caused a divide in arguments between the boys who have a close friendship outside of the school football world)

I've also looked at the fixture list, so if ds plays his games, he will play in the semi final but not the final.

Ds is saying he does not know if he wants to play, I'm also worried about childcare as me and dh works FT and GP will have to pick ds up at the venue where the football is at, ds has also been told he will fill in for the boys who are sick/injured but again this has made him upset as he's the fall back guy, but yet is not good enough to play for the team...

I am just worried about the message that ds is getting, because who and what does he need to "prove" Ds has asked me to speak to the HT but I am unsure as I don't want to be known as that parent... but yet I dislike the message ds is getting.

It also can't be because he is already a footballer, as the whole team and footballers and in youth league teams.

Also I am not the only one who is unhappy, seen the other sub parents today, who feel exactly like I do, and one is wanting to pull her child out of the school team.

[Lurkedforever1]

Right so it's ok to tell 30 they can't be in the team at all, but unfair to tell 3 of the lucky ones they only play odd matches. Explain that to me could you please as I'm not getting why only the latter is your concern if it's not just sour grapes.

[MedSchoolRat]

I sincerely wish I had half your energy, OP.

[MsJamieFraser]

There is a huge difference in not making a team, to be then told that you've made the team but aren't good enough.

A line has to be drawn somewhere, not all of those 30 were school age level, only 14 turned up to the trials, over a period of 3 weeks, but you don't tell a kid he has made a team then tell them he is not good enough!, I am sorry that wrong!

[yeOldeTrout]

He's good enough to be a sub, not a regular. It's not set in stone.
I dunno, seems reasonable to me. Life is full of things that happen like that.

[MsJamieFraser]

I agree yeOldeTrout, I just dont think a school "teacher" should be giving that message. If this was outside a school environment then I would not have a issue, I would tell ds to suck it up and improve himself.

A teacher (as that's what ds sees him as) says something and its like its a law, it must not be broken, ds was so confused as to what was expected of him he wanted me to speak to the HT and said he was not playing again.

This was why I spoke to the teacher/coach, I made him aware of ds's confusion and that ds did not know what was expected of him, he did not care, only that be wanted his "best ability" players to be the main team and ds would just need to suck it up. However expected ds to have his kit every week and for us to be available when he needed us.

[Lurkedforever1]

I get you. Picking the best team and being competitive etc is fine up till the point it's your son who's disappointed.

[Lauren15]

It seems you have no problem with the football team being fixed for the year, thereby disappointing 30 boys, you only have a problem with your ds being designated a sub. That is incredibly hypocritical. I suspect if your ds was one of the permanent regular members, you wouldn't be running to the governors about principles.

[MsJamieFraser]

what assumptions and conjecture you make Lauren, I had a boy and father in my football team who did not think his child should be subbed, because the player and his father thought they were better than his team mates, and that he alone made the team!

He was told to hand his strip in and that they were no longer welcome in our team and club with their attitude!

I do not care that ds is a sub, I care about the message that ds needs to prove himself to a team that he's already in! again I dont know how many times I have to state this!

The two other subs parents are kicking off big time, however they are kicking off that they are only subs, they have never once mentioned being treated fairly and equally, they just don't want their child to be a sub full stop.

ds being a sub is not what I am annoyed at.

[yeOldeTrout]

whatever your heartfelt reasons, the HT is going to assume you are just mad that he's a sub. No other msg is going to be heard by HT or anyone else. You're on a losing curve with this one.

[Lauren15]

So your grievance is that your ds has to 'prove himself' and you want to take that to the governors?! Bloody hell.
I think it is completely inconsistent that you are fine with other boys not having a chance to play for the school for the rest of the year but not for your ds to be a sub.
What makes this even more pathetic is that your ds wants to play but you want to pull him from the team. You are giving this way too much thought. He's ok with playing and has already represented the school in other sports, so why are you intent on pursuing it??
God you remind of a woman I know who complained so much to her ds's coach so much he quit and the team disbanded as a result. Her ds was so embarrassed by his mum's meddling.

[Heebiejeebie]

I'm sorry but I don't understand what is wrong about your son being asked to prove himself. However many times you repeat it.

At the menu he is ranked below the first picks. He will sub and if he plays better than other kids he will secure a permanent place. At least he has a chance to prove himself, unlike the other 30 kids who were worse than him.

What are you suggesting? All interested kids get a game, regardless of talent? Or the best team is picked. Or the top N are picked, where N is your son's ranking, and then take it in turns? Cos the last one really only makes sense to you.

[Lauren15]

When ds2 (12) joined his current team, he was a permanent sub. There was a group of boys who always started and he and a couple of others would wait on the sidelines. We and he knew, without asking, that he was expected to prove himself. He tried his best without complaint and no longer starts the game on the sidelines.