AIBU to be annoyed with MiL?

[startrek90]

Dh thinks so I don't.

Disclaimer; my MiL is normally amazing and lovely and we get on great that's why I am surprised. She is a very considerate person and normally is very careful not to overstep boundaries.

Yesterday MiL was looking after my 11 month old DS so I could catch up on sleep (ds has 4 teeth coming through so life is very miserable atm). When I went to collect him she said how well he slept and that all was calm. My FiL thinks ds is just playing me and trying to get my attention so is not sleeping.

I found out today that the reason that ds slept so well is because my MiL gave ds 3 homeopathic tablets in his milk- without calling or checking with me. I am super annoyed as I don't trust such medicine and would rather not give anything like that without speaking to a dr.

I would never dream of giving my nephew or my youngest SiL (8) any tablet without speaking to their parents. My dh thinks I am unreasonable and precious. Am I?

[startrek90]

No she and SiL mentioned it to me and dh today. I know they think I am at turns too harsh and too indulgent with ds. My FiL thinks I spoil ds because I answer his cries to much. SiL thinks I am too harsh as I don't co sleep etc...

[Gileswithachainsaw]

So she could have been giving dog wormer fir all she knew?

where the hell did she get these tablets

[Doublebubblebubble]

Do you know the name of the tablets at all?? Have you looked online. X

[Gileswithachainsaw]

I think calcium phosphate is basically chalk so that shouldn't he harmful but not the point.

do not leave with her again

[Doublebubblebubble]

And did she buy these tablets online...

[startrek90]

Sorry Giles missed your post. She is German (I live here in Germany) I can't read what is in the tablets

[startrek90]

I was answering a pp who asked if she contacted dh first. She hadn't

[Gileswithachainsaw]

I'd get on Google and see if you can translate and post back

not acceptable whether they are sugar pulls or not

[elfycat]

Do you have the tablets with you?

I replied before thinking that you knew what the stuff was, but this is sounding worse. Is it calcium phosphate, or is that a non-medicinal part of the tablet?

If it's not a simple case of knowing that your child had been given homoepathic remedies, and could have had herbal medicines of an unknown type and dosage you might want to call 111 for advice. As your DS is under 2 I'm fairly sure they'll refer you to A&E and get the medication checked out.

They might take a dim view of your MIL's choice to give this, but as long as you show your annoyance it won't be considered a child-protection issue looks at DH who left ibuprofen where a 3 year old could find them - no harm done, but still...

[Spartans]

She shouldnt have given your child any 'medication' without asking you. However, that's not the reason he slept at all.

You need to say something as if she thinks it's ok she may start giving him other medicines assuming that since you didn't object before you will be fine with it.

[elfycat]

X-post again, so not UK. I'd still speak with a doctor who can read German and see if they were child-safe.

[Drained12345]

That is terrible! YANBU!

[SheSparkles]

I'm presuming that no matter what kind of relationship you have with MIL, she loves her grandchild and wants the best for him?
I'm also presuming that given the foregoing she was trying to comfort said child who was probably overtired and in pain?
Presumably she has also got her own child/children to adulthood without poisoning them?
Presumably if she had phoned you to ask permission to try to help her upset teething grandchild she would have been wrong as the whole reason she was looking after her grandchild was to allow you to catch up on sleep?

For the love of god she was trying to HELP your child, not poison him.
It may have been a different thing from what you would have done but that doesn't make her wrong.
Before anyone rips into me and asks if I'd "let" a grandparent medicate my child, the answer is yes I would-because they'd presumably be dealing with a sick or hurting child, whilst I was elsewhere. I suggest you think long and hard before you disallow her from looking after your child in the future-you're going to be the one who loses out, but your child will lose out even more if he misses out on the relationship that grandchildren can have with their grandparents.
The above is all said from the perspective of my having much older children than yours, and learning as they've grown up that getting some perspective is never a bad thing

[noiwontstoptalking]

The fact that these tablets were probably harmless us completely irrelevant.

The Mil believed they had an active ingredient. She presumed to medicate someone else's child without permission.

I'd be volcanically angry and she would have lost the privilege of unsupervised access to my child.

YANBU OP.

What happens if it's something else next time?

[SouthWesterlyWinds]

Was it this? Then it's a teething thing but even so, you don't know what's it in and I agree, YANBU - I disagree with giving anything like that to a baby without checking with their parents first as you don't know what filler etc has been used in it.

[noiwontstoptalking]

Sparkles I feel your post is rather patronising to the OP.

Stopping unsupervised access will in no way undermine the Grandparent child relationship. You don't need time alone to form a relationship.

[wallywobbles]

All this stuff really depends on the country. In France there are homeopathic doctors whose waiting lists are legendary. Giving kids homeopathy here is really par for the course and absolutely not something to get het up about. Your reaction here would be seen as unreasonable.

And despite being sceptical there are things that work - arnica for one, and whatever she gave my very small DD for earache.

Can you tell us what the product is called and I may well know what it is.

And if she has found something that is pretty much harmless that gave your child some much needed sleep, maybe its not all bad. Not asking your authorisation would possibly be an issue, but like I say - in a different cultural context this would be normal.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

if the mum can't read German then how can she give her baby any meds herself when she can't see of there's any risk of an interaction or what the side effects could be?

infant paracetamol is more universal and easy to access English information on. in fact it's probably in English in the instructions as they are usually multi lingual.

however if teh mum.cabt read the table let's it's going to be harder to know if she can medicate as normal

[startrek90]

SheSparkles- who said I would stop my MiL from seeing as?!?! I love MiL to bits and so does Ds! I am just annoyed she didn't ask me or tell me when I picked him up.... If I didn't know he had this and then gave something else he could have had a reaction. I wouldn't have minded her calling at all ( I always say to call for anything at all). I am just annoyed. I wasn't sure I was bein reasonable at all hence the post.

Ds loves oma and I would never cut contact for one incident. This is the first time in 3 years I have ever had an issue. I may be a bitch but not that much

[SheSparkles]

I'm not being patronising in the slightest, but I see so many of these threads where it's a "shock horror MIL/whatever random person has done this with my child" and posters
are whipped into a frenzy of "never leave the child again", and it's when your kids are older like mine that you look at things with a different perspective. As parents we all do things differently, especially so when there's a generation removed. A lot of posters have said about "it could have been something harmful", but keep it in perspective, IT WASN'T, and I don't imagine that granny is planning on giving arsenic next time

[startrek90]

It's these. I know she would never give anything harmful it's the not asking me first/telling me at pickup that I am annoyed with

[SheSparkles]

OP I've cross posted with you there, sorry for not making myself clearer in my original post-I know you didn't say you'd stop your MIL from seeing your ds, but that's often the road that this kind of post goes down...just remember she did it from a position of love and don't allow your momentary anger to get in the way of the good relationship you have with her

[Doublebubblebubble]

sparkles
she was just trying to help yeah - herself!!!

Op hasn't had to use anything to comfort her child - other than the usual cuddles I'm sure - she just wanted to sleep. If ops mil didn't like the crying she shouldn't have offered to help. You do not give other peoples children (whether they are related to you or not and whether or not you think they are okay) medications to sate them or yourself. Like I said before this is like rubbing brandy on his gums. I wouldn't give a sweet without asking first.

[startrek90]

Double- that's what I said to dh. I don't give SiL sweeties without asking MiL (she's 8) never mind tablets! I just don't know what to say to her without damaging our relationship....