To find the school hols REALLY hard?

[Shoegal0305]

7 weeks of desperately trying to find free things to do is far too much! Skint 100% of the time. Lone parent. Only family I have live 40 miles away and my car is 16 years old so don't take it out of the town I live in for fear of it breaking down! My DS does a lot of sporting stuff early morning and later evening but during the day it's so hard to find stuff to do and it seems everyone and their dog are off on 'family' days and/or abroad!!!

[Shoegal0305]

Thankyou Harriet they are some good ideas. I think a lot of it is confidence. I've been shit on by anyone I've ever been close to so I do feel extra sensitive about these things. Wish I had that someone (partner, sibling, parent, even a friend) who would include us in plans. I find it hard to just take off and do things due to fears of car breaking down, lack of money, just general confidence to do things just me and my son. I find when friends do invite us I have to decline as it's usually a shopping trip (no money) or it will clash with when I'm working etc

[Shoegal0305]

Thankyou mermaid and ragwort ..... He's 13. He WOULD be out all day but his friends are all busy. Literally nobody is about.

[AuntyMag10]

That's really shitty of his dad and his cousin to leave him out that way. Really mean of them. But you are doing your best, and I'm sure he knows it's you whose the one that's really there for him. Trust me, we are all not having constant days out. My kids used to be just as bored as well but there was only so much we could do. It seems like your ds is trying as well by texting people. His friends may be busy but busy doing boring stuff at home too.

[takeinyourhen]

I used to hate summer holidays when DS was smaller, I now work and have that as an excuse to put him in Kings Camp for 4 weeks and then take 2 weeks as holiday and go away. He even goes on my days off so I can still get house stuff done (or read a book). Code F&F025 gets 20% off if there's one near you, they're doing all 6 weeks of the holidays at most places and they offer a "Rookie" thing where 14-16 year olds do leadership style stuff.

Kings also offer subsidised places with 25-100% fee remission, you just have to get a teacher or someone like that to sign your form. I think even being a LP on a low income would be reason enough to qualify!

YHA also do some residential trips for 4 nights which give remission of costs if you get free school dinners, so ends up under £100 for the week which I'm looking forward for DS to be old enough for (10 is minimum) though I'll have to pay full fees.

Maybe something to think about for future years if it's too late to do any of that now?

We go on lots of walks and visit English Heritage and National Trust properties if any of those are near you?

[MrsToddsShortcut]

Shoe, I empathise, I really do. I'm a single parent too, with DD (she has ASD) and DS. I have no money and also have to work throughout the 7 weeks and feel so guilty slinging them into holiday club (which they hate as none of their friends have to go). Most of my (v small number of) friends are working too and it's hard trying to meet up.

Lots of their school friends are spending the summer abroad/alternate weeks at both sets of grandparents or their parents are all over facebook posting about their lovely looking but expensive days out. I'm glad for them but feel guilt that I can't do the same for mine.

My kids keep asking to go to the cinema/farm/soft play etc etc but I just can't afford it. ExH gives me £5 per month for them both and has them one day a week while I'm at work so I'm not even getting a break!

I truly do sympathise as it's hard when you see others doing fun stuff that you can't afford. At the beginning of the hols some school mums posted a lyrical 'ode' all about how they couldn't wait for '7 weeks of camping, lazy days in the country, huge family picnics blah blah...'. I actually sat and cried!

Being poor and alone is crap. BUT...I think you have to lower your expectations, accept that DS will be fine (if a bit bored) and as long as he is loved, in the long run he'll be fine. Life will get better, I absolutely promise. I have absolute faith that this stuff isn't forever.

[Shoegal0305]

Yes we live in a beautiful part of the world. But again it boils down to lack of company. My son is so reluctant to do things just us two. We spend so much time together we are like an old married couple lol. I am a lone parent on a, what I consider, lowish income, but I struggle to make ends meet every month. I'm above this 'magic' income figure which allows me any help other than basic tax credits, I don't get working tax credits, I earn under £18k gross a year, but over £12k so don't qualify for much. That's with as much overtime as is humanly possible thrown in. My rent is £600 a month (council tax £106) I get no help with that. So money is very tight if I had to pay for DS to go away I wouldn't survive financially.

[Shoegal0305]

Thankyou MrsTodds I nearly cried reading your post that someone is feeling the same and its it just me! I'm feeling emotions that aren't 'me' ie the jealousy etc.

[Shoegal0305]

And it's NOT just me that's meant to read!

[takeinyourhen]

I've just recently reduced my hours to get back below £12K as the work/home balance was so out.

Have you tried the Gingerbread forums? I have a local friendship group and we meet up a lot. Though most of our parents have little children, some have teens and are always glad to meet other parents with older children!

[BabyGanoush]

I find letting them hang out with friends, and sleepovers etc are a cheap way to entertain them. Even the teen. He's happy a along as he has a mate. So I seem to be inviting kids a fair bit (and as things go, they then get invited back).

my parents rarely took us on days out. We just played with friends, which I always loved.

Local swimming pools sometimes have kids free sessions (to combat obesity! It is paid by the council)

Is that an idea?

[BabyGanoush]

ah just everyone is out

thats sucks

[Shoegal0305]

BabyGanoush (love the name!) you've hit on the problem which is the crux of the thread...... Company. Lol we are struggling daily to find someone to do things with as they are all busy with families/holidays etc. our council don't offer free swimming, but even if they did, my DS wouldnt be interested as it would just be me and him and where's the fun going swimming with your mum when your 13? Lol. Xx

[atticusclaw]

I know its hard but please don't feel that everyone is doing exciting stuff every day. They're probably not. Mine have been off for weeks now (since second week in July) and whilst we went away for a week, the rest of the time we've done nothing in particular. A couple of trips to the library is as exciting as its got!

Could he learn some new skills? DS1 is teaching himself to touch type over the summer and is getting really good. Coding? A foreign language? You could do it together?

How about geocaching? Mine love it and all you need is a mobile phone to download the free app.

[Shoegal0305]

I love the new term as back to normality. I can work a bit more as DS back at school and at least he gets company x

[horsewalksintoabar]

Take it easy on yourself. I was a LP for many years. I am remarried now and I am still skint!
It's hard with one and sorry to say it, one boy. I was a LP to my boy (now nearly 14) until he was 7. I still struggle because he is a teen and his siblings are very small. So his needs are different. We are one of the few families who stays here all summer. His friends are always away.
I find swimming excellent. Our local pool runs a session for £2.25. It's an hour of messing around on some big floating beast of a fortress for 8-15 year olds... it's mainly full of teen boys.
Do you have a local pool? Check it out if you do. They tend to run several activities for kids. My teen loves it. And trust me, it's like pulling nails out of solid brick trying to get him off the console or the computer, honestly. The swimming seems to work well for all of us.

[Shoegal0305]

We tried geocaching but again it was just the two of us so DS lost interest. He does lots of sport but as I say, that's early morning training (7-8am) and evening (7.30-9.30pm) plus two other nights an activity which is 7-9.30pm. So as much as I want him to do things, he can't fit anymore sports in! He just wants to chill/hang out with his pals during the day....... That's when he gets itchy feet. Herein lies the problem haha, x

[Shoegal0305]

Horse Thankyou it is hard isn't it? Our local pool does have an inflatable thing every weekend but again it costs nearly £4, plus he has nobody to go with as all jus friends busy.

[HearTheThunderRoar]

Op I feel your pain, except I work ft am a single parent (earn £25k but have no mortgage) and DD is 16. When she was younger I would put her in holiday clubs etc, felt so shit as everyone was getting a lie in and she still had to get up at 7am.

She's now 16 and because we live in the arse end of nowhere if she wants to come into the city to meet friends she has come in all day with me and hang around town (though she has a job at my work) When she's at home and I work, she tends to spend all the time on her laptop, though she might go for swim in the beach.

I also don't have a hell of a lot of money, so can't be forking out for cinemas, bowling etc regularly, thankfully she is happy to spend the afternoon at the pool as she's a swimmer and has a membership.

[atticusclaw]

I know I might get flamed for this (and I really am not being unsympathetic) but it seems like the issue is more that your son is struggling to occupy himself independently. This really is a skill he needs to learn. If he doesn't enjoy geocaching because he doesn't have friends there and doing it with you is no fun and he doesn't enjoy swimming because he doesn't have friends there and its just the two of you then his issue is that he needs to get used to this. As he gets older, the ability to entertain himself will be an important skill.

It sounds to me like he's doing quite a lot each day with friends and other children with his sporting activities in the morning and evening. There is plenty he can do to fill up the other time, read, draw, paint, learn to type, learn coding, swim, go to the library, go on a walk, do a bioblitz (where he has to find say 50 different examples of wildlife - fun with a camera), learn to bake, ride his bike, skateboard, build a bird box, do some (easy and safe) diy for you, create a scrap book about something that interests him, plant a vegetable patch, create something with lego, make a stop motion movie with the lego movie maker app, write a blog...

[Shoegal0305]

Attic I appreciate what you are saying and believe me, I love someone who tells it like it is lol so j wouldn't for one second take offence or feel you are being unsympathetic ...... He DOES entertain himself really well, I'm
Not just saying this and apologies if my previous posts have made it look otherwise. My problem Is that, apart from a few sporadic visits to his dad's, he's with me 24/7, and/or he's on his own all day whilst I'm at work (long days 8am / wherever I finish supposed to be 4pm but NEVER finish on time). So it's fine in half term or weekends but the problem
Is 7 weeks in the summer is way too long! The first few weeks he did put up with doing things with his old mum! Lol. But like me, he's had enough now and just wants some company his own age. There's only so much Xbox/solitary activities he can indulge in before he's had enough too. X

[meerschweinchen]

Admittedly I don't know much about employment laws these days, but could he get a small job like a paper round? I had one at his age. That would occupy him for some time each day, and then he could spend his earnings on cinema trips, swimming etc? Or maybe even encourage him to save it up and take him for a 'big' day out in a few weeks?

I'm not a lone parent, but you have my sympathy. It sounds tough. And maybe block the Facebook braggers!

[Shoegal0305]

Lol
If I blocked the braggers I wouldn't have any friends left!!! He can't do a paper round as his sport takes 3 early mornings a week. Plus 4 late nights. X

[meerschweinchen]

I did wonder about the early mornings... But I uesed to do one whicd was delivering the free papers / adverts which I could do anytime during the week.


I know it's easy for us to make suggestions, and much harder for you to find something that actually works.

[Noideaatall]

Are there any holiday playschemes near you for younger children? My teenager goes along to one of these to help with the younger children. They get some free help and he gets some work experience so they both benefit.