To find the school hols REALLY hard?

[Shoegal0305]

7 weeks of desperately trying to find free things to do is far too much! Skint 100% of the time. Lone parent. Only family I have live 40 miles away and my car is 16 years old so don't take it out of the town I live in for fear of it breaking down! My DS does a lot of sporting stuff early morning and later evening but during the day it's so hard to find stuff to do and it seems everyone and their dog are off on 'family' days and/or abroad!!!

[Shoegal0305]

Hi Ben yes I've triple checked my entitlements I don't qualify for working tax credit! Even tho I earn under £18k which I don't think is a high household income! I get tax credits which help but some of my friends seem to get weekly what I get monthly?!

His dad often goes away without DS. He is very selfish and I've given up battling with him after 9 years it's not worth it. If I questioned him the only person it would bother would be me unfortunately as he really doesn't bother. He pays maintenance so I know I'm luckier than a lot of folk. I'm hoping he is going to have DS for a while towards the end of the hols. X

[Benllech]

I don't know if you have seen this website but there's lots of ideas on there that maybe helpful to you.

www.moneysavingexpert.com/travel/school-holiday-deals

Can his dad not pay for a week or two at a holiday camp for him? Worth asking and also question why he treated himself to a holiday and not his son? I think you need to question people every time they treat you badly, it might make them think twice about letting you down next time.

Are you receiving everything you are entitled to benefits wise? Working/ Child tax credit etc?

[Shoegal0305]

Well........ Geocaching was a disaster!!! Lol I'm Laughing now but was nearly crying earlier!!! Tips for a newbie????

Found the right spot. Not sure how to read the compass correctly or the app compass so spent half an hour in a bramble bush sifting through rubbish! Gave up and came home but now feel I don't want to be defeated!! Tips very welcome!!! X

[Shoegal0305]

MrsTodds don't be silly it doesn't sound whiney at all it describes the situation perfectly. I do lose the urge to call/text after a series of knock backs it does become harder. I would say I have a small handful of really close friends, lots of acquaintances but only a few 'true' friends. Of those, ones DS is at uni so although she welcomes my DS it's not an option to do 'teen' things with her. My other close friend is a single parent but she has family nearby, plus she has a lot of other friends who's circle I'm not in. Plus (this is gonna sound awful and don't mean it as it probably reads!!!) she is on a lower income than me so gets quite a lot of help (quite rightly that isn't my point lol!) so we actually sat down once and worked it out she is much better off than me! Hence she is planning a holiday next year with another friend but I wasn't invited (probably as she knows o couldn't afford it?). Another of my friends lives 50 miles away and she on a family holiday abroad. They, again, are quite comfortable financially, two new cars, detached house, regular hols etc so again I'm not included in a lot of things.

We are going to give the geocaching another go wish us luck lol xx

[MrsToddsShortcut]

Sorry, just read that back and it sounded quite whiney! Wasn't really meant too..

[MrsToddsShortcut]

The thing with lots of people being around, is that often, as a lone parent, you can kind of get overlooked.

If you have a partner/DH whatever, it can sometimes matter less if you don't see people that often, as you have instant company at home. So if you and your kids go out for the day, (assuming it's not special family time) it probably wouldn't occur to you to invite your lone parent mate and their kids.

Not because you don't care, but because it just doesn't cross your mind. When most people make those sort of plans, they don't always do a mental scan to see who else they can invite - why would they really? My friends are lovely people who love me and my kids, and are happy to spend time with me and the kids, but they don't always think of us iyswim.

I have a lovely friend who I see pretty regularly, but it tends to be when her DH is working as that is when she is on her own with the kids, and wants/needs some company. I do understand that, but it doesn't seem to occur to her that for single parents, it's like that all the bloody time!

Would you be able to ring round a few good friends and explain how you feel? Say that you and DS are going stir crazy and can you meet up for the day? (although I do realise that after the 3rd time someone says "sorry, we're doing family stuff" you lose the impetus to phone)

[Noideaatall]

Are there any holiday playschemes near you for younger children? My teenager goes along to one of these to help with the younger children. They get some free help and he gets some work experience so they both benefit.

[meerschweinchen]

I did wonder about the early mornings... But I uesed to do one whicd was delivering the free papers / adverts which I could do anytime during the week.


I know it's easy for us to make suggestions, and much harder for you to find something that actually works.

[Shoegal0305]

Lol
If I blocked the braggers I wouldn't have any friends left!!! He can't do a paper round as his sport takes 3 early mornings a week. Plus 4 late nights. X

[meerschweinchen]

Admittedly I don't know much about employment laws these days, but could he get a small job like a paper round? I had one at his age. That would occupy him for some time each day, and then he could spend his earnings on cinema trips, swimming etc? Or maybe even encourage him to save it up and take him for a 'big' day out in a few weeks?

I'm not a lone parent, but you have my sympathy. It sounds tough. And maybe block the Facebook braggers!

[Shoegal0305]

Attic I appreciate what you are saying and believe me, I love someone who tells it like it is lol so j wouldn't for one second take offence or feel you are being unsympathetic ...... He DOES entertain himself really well, I'm
Not just saying this and apologies if my previous posts have made it look otherwise. My problem Is that, apart from a few sporadic visits to his dad's, he's with me 24/7, and/or he's on his own all day whilst I'm at work (long days 8am / wherever I finish supposed to be 4pm but NEVER finish on time). So it's fine in half term or weekends but the problem
Is 7 weeks in the summer is way too long! The first few weeks he did put up with doing things with his old mum! Lol. But like me, he's had enough now and just wants some company his own age. There's only so much Xbox/solitary activities he can indulge in before he's had enough too. X

[atticusclaw]

I know I might get flamed for this (and I really am not being unsympathetic) but it seems like the issue is more that your son is struggling to occupy himself independently. This really is a skill he needs to learn. If he doesn't enjoy geocaching because he doesn't have friends there and doing it with you is no fun and he doesn't enjoy swimming because he doesn't have friends there and its just the two of you then his issue is that he needs to get used to this. As he gets older, the ability to entertain himself will be an important skill.

It sounds to me like he's doing quite a lot each day with friends and other children with his sporting activities in the morning and evening. There is plenty he can do to fill up the other time, read, draw, paint, learn to type, learn coding, swim, go to the library, go on a walk, do a bioblitz (where he has to find say 50 different examples of wildlife - fun with a camera), learn to bake, ride his bike, skateboard, build a bird box, do some (easy and safe) diy for you, create a scrap book about something that interests him, plant a vegetable patch, create something with lego, make a stop motion movie with the lego movie maker app, write a blog...

[HearTheThunderRoar]

Op I feel your pain, except I work ft am a single parent (earn £25k but have no mortgage) and DD is 16. When she was younger I would put her in holiday clubs etc, felt so shit as everyone was getting a lie in and she still had to get up at 7am.

She's now 16 and because we live in the arse end of nowhere if she wants to come into the city to meet friends she has come in all day with me and hang around town (though she has a job at my work) When she's at home and I work, she tends to spend all the time on her laptop, though she might go for swim in the beach.

I also don't have a hell of a lot of money, so can't be forking out for cinemas, bowling etc regularly, thankfully she is happy to spend the afternoon at the pool as she's a swimmer and has a membership.

[Shoegal0305]

Horse Thankyou it is hard isn't it? Our local pool does have an inflatable thing every weekend but again it costs nearly £4, plus he has nobody to go with as all jus friends busy.

[Shoegal0305]

We tried geocaching but again it was just the two of us so DS lost interest. He does lots of sport but as I say, that's early morning training (7-8am) and evening (7.30-9.30pm) plus two other nights an activity which is 7-9.30pm. So as much as I want him to do things, he can't fit anymore sports in! He just wants to chill/hang out with his pals during the day....... That's when he gets itchy feet. Herein lies the problem haha, x

[horsewalksintoabar]

Take it easy on yourself. I was a LP for many years. I am remarried now and I am still skint!
It's hard with one and sorry to say it, one boy. I was a LP to my boy (now nearly 14) until he was 7. I still struggle because he is a teen and his siblings are very small. So his needs are different. We are one of the few families who stays here all summer. His friends are always away.
I find swimming excellent. Our local pool runs a session for £2.25. It's an hour of messing around on some big floating beast of a fortress for 8-15 year olds... it's mainly full of teen boys.
Do you have a local pool? Check it out if you do. They tend to run several activities for kids. My teen loves it. And trust me, it's like pulling nails out of solid brick trying to get him off the console or the computer, honestly. The swimming seems to work well for all of us.

[Shoegal0305]

I love the new term as back to normality. I can work a bit more as DS back at school and at least he gets company x

[atticusclaw]

I know its hard but please don't feel that everyone is doing exciting stuff every day. They're probably not. Mine have been off for weeks now (since second week in July) and whilst we went away for a week, the rest of the time we've done nothing in particular. A couple of trips to the library is as exciting as its got!

Could he learn some new skills? DS1 is teaching himself to touch type over the summer and is getting really good. Coding? A foreign language? You could do it together?

How about geocaching? Mine love it and all you need is a mobile phone to download the free app.

[Shoegal0305]

BabyGanoush (love the name!) you've hit on the problem which is the crux of the thread...... Company. Lol we are struggling daily to find someone to do things with as they are all busy with families/holidays etc. our council don't offer free swimming, but even if they did, my DS wouldnt be interested as it would just be me and him and where's the fun going swimming with your mum when your 13? Lol. Xx

[BabyGanoush]

ah just everyone is out

thats sucks

[BabyGanoush]

I find letting them hang out with friends, and sleepovers etc are a cheap way to entertain them. Even the teen. He's happy a along as he has a mate. So I seem to be inviting kids a fair bit (and as things go, they then get invited back).

my parents rarely took us on days out. We just played with friends, which I always loved.

Local swimming pools sometimes have kids free sessions (to combat obesity! It is paid by the council)

Is that an idea?

[takeinyourhen]

I've just recently reduced my hours to get back below £12K as the work/home balance was so out.

Have you tried the Gingerbread forums? I have a local friendship group and we meet up a lot. Though most of our parents have little children, some have teens and are always glad to meet other parents with older children!

[Shoegal0305]

And it's NOT just me that's meant to read!

[Shoegal0305]

Thankyou MrsTodds I nearly cried reading your post that someone is feeling the same and its it just me! I'm feeling emotions that aren't 'me' ie the jealousy etc.