Nursery rhymes AIBU

[GhostlyFigureAtTheEndOfYourBed]

AIBU to be totally freaked out about this?

I live in a farm and these past few nights I swear I have seen my scarecrow come to life He shakes his hand and feet and sings while his hat is flopping about. Really scared me, though I suppose it's good for scaring the crows! WWYD?

[BreconBeBuggered]

My DP went off to the fair earlier today promising to bring me all sorts of goodies on his return. He's been gone ages and I haven't heard a word from him since.

What can the matter be?

[RockerMummy184]

I really need to turn my phone off overnight...I was trying to have a sleep in at the weekend when some French guy called me and said 'Jack, are you asleep? The bells are ringing! Ding dang dong!'
Clearly the wrong number...I'm not even called Jack!

[Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g]

We're on a health kick at the moment. It suits our routine to make the porridge first and leave it to cool while we're on our power walk through the woods. AIBU to feel aggrieved that this morning a little blonde girl broke in while we were out, ate the porridge, broke a chair and then fell asleep in my DS's bed? Is it a case for the police or SS?

[hotfuzzra]

Another reason to avoid London- many of the church bells are talking to each other, should I be concerned?

[EvansOvalPiesYumYum]

Going to go out on a limb here, and risk Libel action, but I really do think she might be a bit contrary

[EvansOvalPiesYumYum]

NDN is a bit weird. She keeps trying to grow silver bells and cockle shells. It doesn't need Monty Don to tell you this is impossible.

All the Mary's are a bit weird. (IMO - just saying)

[paulapompom]

Listen up (my fair) ladies, avoid the UK capital at all costs. Not only is the bridge falling down (falling down falling down) and a fire raging, still wating for the engine but that's the fire and rescue cuts for you BUT there's also some kind of gang warfare happening with the bells! Think it's debt related - all that over five farthings!

[EvansOvalPiesYumYum]

For crying out loud - who put this cat in the well?
Johnny - I'm coming after you, you little shit!

[Enb76]

I think I've met Jack, Fillyjonk, he jumped over a candlestick in my house, it was a pity it was on the dining table - he's ruined the varnish.

[MomentOfWonder]

So, went out for a rare child-free dinner at quite a posh restaurant the other day and the meat in my blackbird pie was done so rare it started singing when I hacked through the crust. Is this some kind of molecular gastronomy thing? AIBU to leave a bad review on TripAdvisor? You wouldn't put this kind of stuff in front of a King...

[EvansOvalPiesYumYum]

Young man - get off my foot, yelling 'One, Two, Buckle my Shoe'. I'm wearing snappy little pumps

[iklboo]

Shit!!!! While watching my cow jumping over the moon I saw all these twinkly things in the sky. I wonder what they are?

[x2boys]

my dh dear henry had a hole in his bucket and his friend dear liza kept suggesting ridiculous things to fix it with the conversation went on for a long time would it be unreasonable of me to ltb for being a tight wad and not just buying a new bucket??

[Flingmoo]

My MIL is visiting next week, bit nervous as I've never met her before so dont know what to expext. DH says she's going to come round the mountain on her way here, we actually live in Sussex so not exactly mountainous, so I've got no idea why she's taking such a big detour to go round a mountain first Not only that but apparently when she arrives she'll be wearing pink pyjamas. Now I don't mean to be a judgypants but she sounds like a right nutter

[TheFillyjonk]

I'm looking for someone to bake a birthday cake for my DP. I've heard good things about a bakery on Drury Lane - does anyone know the Muffin Man?

[anotherweddingthread]

Mamushka

I think I was in the same bakers, he was selling hot cross buns, one a penny and then two a penny - probably a BOGOF offer

[TheFillyjonk]

I'm not having my DS's friend Jack over for dinner again. First of all, he took himself off to a corner to eat his pudding. He had the worst manners I've ever seen - he completely ignored his spoon and used his THUMB to pull out the fruit inside. He clearly has very lax parents as he thought he was being a good boy. WIBU to teach him some etiquette?

[x2boys]

My friend humpty who is a strange halfman half egg type creature has had a great fall when he fell of the wall he was sat on all the kings horses and all the kings men tried but the couldnt put him back together again

[Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g]

Effie, x post - if SS come knocking on my shoe, I'll know who dobbed me in! Anybody would think whipping children soundly was against the law...

[chelle792]

evans I heard they ran off to get married! Not sure if I should be listening to or spreading neighbourhood gossip though!

[WoonerismSpit]

AIBU to complain to my MP?

The police took 4 hours to respond to my call the other day. Turns out all of them were trying to glue an egg back together that had fallen off of a wall. At least I think it was an egg, the newspaper never actually specified but everyone is assuming

[ExitPursuedByABear]

Any advice please. My DP has gone off to sea. He asked me to sew silver buttons on his garments. He is a bonny lad. Will his head be turned on foreign shores or do you think he will come back and marry me?

[nousernamesleft]

Is that why London Bridge keeps falling down? It's obviously very badly built.

[Flingmoo]

AIBU to think that this is why we have a cold obesity epidemic in the UK? I was in the baker's shop the other day and all they had were 5 currant buns, this fat kid came in and bought one.. for a penny! WTF? A currant bun for 1p?! Not exactly healthy eating and at that price there's no wonder kids these days are putting on so much weight.

[x2boys]

expost Exit!