Nursery rhymes AIBU

[GhostlyFigureAtTheEndOfYourBed]

AIBU to be totally freaked out about this?

I live in a farm and these past few nights I swear I have seen my scarecrow come to life He shakes his hand and feet and sings while his hat is flopping about. Really scared me, though I suppose it's good for scaring the crows! WWYD?

[StuntNun]

Damn rodents have broken my clock. They keep running up and down it and now it only strikes one. I wonder if it's because I'm skint and had to economise with hickory instead of oak or mahogany?

[InQuiteAPickle]

I'm just teasing, I'll just smile at him instead.

[InQuiteAPickle]

Oh here he is now! He's very good looking. I Might run away with him!

[ExitPursuedByABear]

As I reported earlier, my DF has gone to sea, so he may save you before coming back to marry me

His name is Bobby Shafto

[InQuiteAPickle]

Please help. I'm stuck on a boat!

I row row rowed it merrily down the stream but I appear to have been swept out to sea. There are crocodiles and I need to be back for tea at 4. I want to scream but I keep forgetting!

[Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g]

I'm very worried about my younger daughter, who I think has been experimenting with drugs. She says she followed a talking rabbit down a hole and a good deal of other nonsense. On further questioning she admits to having drunk from a random bottle that was just left lying around and eaten what must have been a hash brownie. She claims she thought it would be fine as there was no Poison label on the bottle! AIBU to keep her inside for a bit? She can play with her kittens. I can't see that she can come to any harm that way...

[tatumsfunkychicken]

TTWK

YY to the monkey in my post being a drinker...kept falling out his bunk and using the other animals as a slide. Definitely unreasonable behaviour.

[easytoforget]

I have past the nursery rhyme stage but love the sense of humour in this post.

[x2boys]

you would think he would be too tired to be marching them up and down hills wouldnt you TTWK?

[TTWK]

The Duke of York has apparently had 10,000 men. Now I'm as liberal as the next person and I'm in no way homophobic but I can't help thinking that promiscuity on this scale, regardless of sexual orientation, is nothing to be proud of.

[x2boys]

Being a teddy bear i think its very unreasonable as i,m going round and round the garden that people keeping sneaking up behind me and shouting one step two step than tickiling me!

[RockerMummy184]

Fat bloke got stuck in my chimney this morning and threatened to take the kids toys if I didn't help him!
I told him it's far too early in the year for all that carry on, but all he said was 'achoo, achoo, achoo'.

[chocolatechip123]

Any advice on stopping three cheeky monkeys from bouncing on my bed? Ones going to bump his head if he's not careful.

[chocolatechip123]

I've got an insy winsy spider climbing up my water spout. The rain keeps washing him down but then the sun comes out and dries the bugger off.

[EvansOvalPiesYumYum]

Friend has just phoned in tears - turns out her son is spending most of his time sitting on a see-saw with someone called Margery. He's not earning much more than a penny a day.
I've told her, he really does need to work much, much faster.
AIBU?

[KleineDracheKokosnuss]

I recently saw three little men flying around in a UFO, but apparently they didn't like what they saw and left fairly quickly.

[BigRedBall]

Aibu to think my mil should stop self medicating and if she's really ill and will die, she should go the fucjing Doctor.

She's apparently swallowed a fly (I don't know why!) and now she thinks she's going to die...so then she swallowed a spider to eat the fly...I think she's gone mad tbh. It's all attention seeking IMO, so that dh is always with her rather than me.

[RabbitsarenotHares]

AIBU to be worried about DC's scout group? They are due to be going on a water-sports day next week, but have been told that, whilst rowing, they need to be on the lookout for mice, crocodiles and lions. Am I being PFB in thinking that maybe this trip shouldn't have passed the risk assessment, and am I being OTT in saying that DC can no longer go? Especially as the adults in charge are planning on taking alcohol with them and getting merry.

Should I complain to Scout HQ???

[WorraLiberty]

I'm loving these

[BigRedBall]

My friend went fishing yesterday and caught a really nice big fish and iMessaged me a pic of it wriggling...when I went around to meet him and see the "big catch" today he told me he let it go again because it bit his right little finger.

I think he's a bit of a silly cry baby tbh. I've been bitten by fish before and it's not that painful.

Aibu to tell him to stop being a drama queen?

[Bumpandkind]

Some young lad has stolen my fucking jam tarts. The little shit. Made them specially for the first week of British bake off too

[WorraLiberty]

Oh I see Waffles got there before me

We must live in the same street

[WorraLiberty]

I'm absolutely disgusted at my unmarried neighbour, for wasting NHS resources

She demanded a home visit from her Doctor, because her dolly was sick. Yep, not even a real live baby but a fucking doll!

Then instead of sectioning her under the mental health act, the fucking Doctor wrote a prescription for it!!

Grrrrrr! No wonder the NHS is on its knees

[Lizsmum]

Have just noticed a little old Korean lady walking round and round my garden in a strange manner. How to describe it? Rather stiff legged and she keeps growling.

Sorry have to run ...she's started a kind of one step two step dance ....

[AskingForAPal]

Tatum, I don't want to spread rumours but I hear the monkey drinks :(