Mils dog and 8 week old baby.

[Mildogproblem]

I have posted before regarding my mils dog and my concern around my baby being near it.

Baby is now 8 weeks old, beautiful and happy.

Mil is CONSTANTLY hinting she wants to take my baby home with her (is it my hormones making me so incandescent with rage when she says this?!) and inviting us around for bbqs finners etc.

So far we have managed to decline all invites. The dog has bitten several people in the past, friends, family and strangers. And this woman wants me to bring my baby to her house?!

She treats the dog like a human, talks about it CONSTANTLY to the point that everyone around her is bored of it. Fil regularly tells us in a jokey way about all the dogs recent attacks?! They seem to honestly find it funny.

My husband is really unhappy to tell his mother than we want the dog locked away either outside or behind a dog hate that we would provide when visiting. I am prepared to take baby there as long as this is followed, and I am always present. I can't even iMagine DH taking her there alone I would worry constantly.

I know she won't go for the locking away idea because she truely views the animal as a human child,

Soooo Aibu to request the dog is locked away? Aibu to say we won't visit unless it is locked away?

Aibu to say baby will only go there if I am present?

Or am aibu to even visit the house at all as long as the dog is there??

[maddening]

yanbu - and I understand not feeling ok with just dh taking him as he sounds well and truly incapable of putting the baby's safety first when it comes to his parents.

[Arkkorox]

OP im in the same position as you but with a slightly older baby. God help him if he bites my DD. I will be putting management strategies in place but god it makes me nervous. Dd is almost mobile and im going to have to be like a hawk to make sure she's safe.

[tabulahrasa]

How has a large dog managed to bite several people without police or dog warden involvement?

[pudcat]

download and print off all the news items about dog attacks on babies and children. Give them to your MIL and DH. Do not take your child there. Next time they joke abot how many times the dog has bitten report them.

[ollieplimsoles]

Op I think its worth pointing out your use of the phrase 'take my baby home with her' and feeling rage when she brings this up. I think there is more to your relationship with your mil and the dog thing is yet another example of how she is not respecting your wishes.

Why does she think she can your 8 week old baby back to her house without you at all, dog or no dog?
My mil also makes similar requests of us with our baby and he/she hasn't even arrived yet! I don't think it is just hormones.

[Inertia]

There is no point in getting angry. Just tell them that you are not willing to bring your baby to their house to be attacked by their dog. If Mil has hurt feelings, tough.

[tyaca]

I understand why you are so worked up and YANBU but I do think you need to talk to her about this rather than just assume the worst.

She may well huff and puff, but give her the chance to do the right thing before you write her off. She might surprise you.

A foldable crate (to go in the garden when you're there) sounds like the best idea on visits with you there too, obvs. Sound her out, don't expect a great reaction at first. But if she really want you to take the baby round, then she'll know what she has to do. She will be super offended on the dogs behalf and on her own behalf, so an emotional outburst may be on the cards. Just ignore - let your DH suck that one up.

Just talk to her, or let your DH talk to her. It sounds like she might come up with all kinds of objections at first, like I say, that'll be her emotional response. If a month later, they haven't made any efforts to sort the cage then write them off. But at least try before you do.

Congrats on your new baby.

[Ruledbycatsandkids6]

People like this shouldn't be allowed to own animals because they are twats.

We have 2 cats and a new puppy. I childmind. My house is set up so the puppy is never ever running free with the mindees and the cats avoid then like tte plague anyway. No way in hell would I dream of allowing free association.

Children and babies can be bloody annoying to humans never mind animals.

You have no issue here with mil apart from no no no your dog is not under proper control so you won't visit. Shit I wouldn't visit without baby either as frankly I would be too scared of being bitten.

Your real issue here is your dh. He should be prepered to fight tigers to protect his kid. He's a coward and an idiot.

[pudcat]

Better to hurt MIL's feelings than for you to be grieving over a mauled/dead child.

[chippednailvarnish]

Your mil isn't the problem, your DH is...

[SnapesCapes]

Your baby, your choice. In that situation I'd feel quite happy saying "No thanks, I'm not ready for anyone to have her yet", and if she pressed the idea of going to her house I'd say "She'll only ever visit with me, since your dog is a threat to her safety". If your DH won't stand up to her, you'll have to. If she objects or plays her face keep putting it on her; why do you need one on one time with DD? Why would you want her near an aggressive dog?

[Kafri]

It strikes me as odd that your H is considering your mils feelings seemingly above your child's safety.

Now I'm not one to disregard people's feelings but if it was a case of hurt someone's feelings or my son being injured then I'm afraid my son comes first.

He needs to tell his mum that there is no way he's taking a small baby into a house with a dog that has repeated history of biting!!

[EmeraldKitten]

I know she won't go for the locking away idea because she truely views the animal as a human child

Then more fool her and her loss.

When we had d dog, who was very excitable with visitors I would always offer 'shall I put her out?'. The response was 50/50 'No leave her, she's fine' and 'Yes if you wouldn't mind'.

It's just good manners. If she refuses, don't go there. Don't get drawn into an arguement and be firm.

[Gwenci]

Yes, yes, YES Mutt!!! My MIL has strong opinions and can be very passive-aggressively forceful in trying to get things done her way (she is LOVELY by the way) but DH has no issue saying 'no' when necessary. I'd be so pissed off with a 'D'H who couldn't stand up to his mother when needed!

[Mildogproblem]

DH is lovely, and yes a bit worried about alienating his mother. He's not suggesting he's ok with the dog being around, but he is struggling to have the conversation.

Anyone saying this isn't a difficult conversation to have doesn't have a MIL like mine...

[Gwenci]

But OP, you're not going to take the baby over while the dog is there are you? So what choice do you have?

No need to be confrontational or aggressive over it. A polite 'we just can't have DC around a dog that bites' is all that's needed. Ok, say she kicks off? Her choice, what else can you do? You cannot have your baby near the dog. She's leaving you no choice. I'm not saying she won't get pissed off, but it's an easy conversation in terms of there being absolutely nothing else you can do!

Besides, you don't need to have the conversation, your DH does.

[PegsPigs]

Can you send her links to all the recent 'baby killed/mauled by a dog' news articles and say "this is why". If she says "yes but..." never, EVER leave your baby out of your sight if you do decide to go as she has no risk appreciation that any dog, even one without a history of bites, can bite maim and kill.

[chekovatemycherry]

it is a difficult conversation - as it sounds like she rules the roost and he is still acting the role of little boy.

He needs to step up - he is now a married man, a father. He has to prioritise and protect his child.

Sympathise as know family relationships can be tricky - but really this situation is a no brainer. He has to speak with her, calmly and rationally.

She will not like it - she probably will strop or try and emotionally blackmail you etc. but here he needs to stand firm.

think you and your DH need to read the toxic parents book.

we can't control others, but we can control our responses and dealings with them.

It takes 2 to role play. He has to stop playing the role of compliant little boy to her "I am the mother and my way or the high way"

Hard but it needs to happen.

[HelsBels3000]

How about the classic MN sentence of 'No'
No justification or explanation needed. Your baby, your decision.

[Mildogproblem]

Thanks everyone.
I might have to take the bull by the horns and have the conversation myself.

[EmeraldKitten]

I do empathise op.

The last time I had a 'sorry but no' conversation with MIL she stopped speaking to us for 2 years and sent my dh a text saying he hoped he knew what he'd gotten himself into with me (we'd been together for 8 years with 2 dc, hardly like I was a random he'd picked up off the street!)

[redshoeblueshoe]

Checkov has it spot on. It doesn't matter how shit she is its your DH's responses that matter. I agree DH should tell her - bur really would the world end if you just said why on earth would we let our baby go anywhere when there is a vicious dog

Why hasn't the dog been reported ?