AIBU to feel let down over this?

[Dontloookbackinanger]

DStep Sister is 26, 10 years younger than me, & we've always been close. Since I had my DS 2 years ago she's come round most weeks for a play and stayed for dinner. Occasionally I wish it would occur to her to bring a bottle of wine or pudding, but I enjoy having her (and DS adores her) and so don't really mind. Although I'm a SAHM and on a tight budget so sometimes it's a bit of a struggle.

At the beginning of the year I asked if she'd babysit on 2 occasions this year, she readily agreed & I gave her the dates. I've reminded her periodically since then. As I have no childcare I very rarely go out.

Last month she told me she now can't do the September date as she's mistakenly double booked herself. I was hurt and upset as it's a very good friend's wedding who I've known for 18 years, and now DH can't go. I told her this and she just said sorry she couldn't change her plans.

The other date is tomorrow and she was due to work from my house (she works from home 1 day a week). She just called me to say she doesnt think she can do that now. She's worked from home to visit her boyfriend all last week & her boss is now not happy about tomorrow. So we have tickets for a concert and now 1 of us can't go. It would have been my 1st evening out alone with DH this year as he works away a lot. I had hairdresser booked (haven't been able to go for months) and was so so looking forward to it.

I know it's not the end of the world and I still love her and don't want to fall out with her, but AIBU to feel really let down.

[whois]

Yeah that's really annoying especially with the late notice.

On the not bringing a bottle of wine thing I wouldn't let that wind you up. She is making the effort to come and visit you, and see your kid, maintaining/developing that relationship. I can't see you being happy to trog out to meet her at a restaurant or at her house?! Or just text asking if she can pick up a bottle if she wants wine as you haven't got any in.

[MatildaTheCat]

YANBU. However, is your sensitive dc perhaps a bit of a scary proposition? I say this as a parent of a very highly strung ds who was frankly a nightmare to babysit even with those he knew well.

If this is not the case then tell her straight, she's your sister ffs!

Sorry about your plans. It's very hard.

[chinam]

Her age is no excuse. You make a comittment, you stick to it.

[stickystick]

Get a professional sitter. It's a special occasion, it's a one off. If you're in London, use the agency Sitters - their babysitters are not young things who will be frightened off by a tantrum, but all are professional childcarers: nursery nurses, nannies, teachers etc. Children often behave much better with professionals than they do with parents or close family. If your flaky relative could have handled your child, then an experienced nanny or nursery nurse will be able to.

[Fatmomma99]

There was a poster upthread with an odd name - squeakysquirrel or something. I liked that post.

But a lot of good stuff here. I understand why it's hard for you to leave your child if he gets upset. I TOTALLY understand your disappointment. I was going to recommend cutting back on the meals, until I read whois's post, and I think he/she makes a good point there.

But every poster who's told you to tell your DSS that you're upset and why is right. In a non-aggressive way. But you really should express your opinions plainly and calmly, and let her know how you feel, including your disappointment and hurt and ABSOLUTELY about how you regularly feed her, which you felt was in some way a quid-pro-quo for the babysits - it's not like you're asking her every Saturday night so you can go to the pub! It won't help for this, but it might for the future.

And I do agree that people without children are hideously unthinking about what it's like for those of us who do have, and how we value and plan and treasure time off. But at the end of the day, they don't have children and we do, so ha ha ha. Cos mostly having a child is amazing, and they don't know that, do they!