Refused entry to school music evening

[squareheadcut]

my son plays violin been practising concert piece for ages. It said in weekly newsletter (in small writing amongst a million other things) that we needed to get tickets Monday. I didn't. I forgot. I also thought the music evening was on Friday not Thursday. So I'm a full time working parent with a million things to remember.
So we get there last night without our 3 pound ticket and are refused entry along with 5 or 6 other parents.
The teacher said there was no space but when we went in towards the end there was plenty of space.
So AIBU to complain about :

1. Not getting a reminder text msg about the music evening
   
2. Being refused entry - this is a school event for community surely?
   
3. Having to buy a ticket anyway
   
4. Expecting children to sit in a stuffy hall for 3 hours while they wait for everyone to finish playing.
   

I really feel like complaining bitterly as parents were never treated like this at my sons old school. My reference points might be off.

[Mistigri]

You should have been more organised (but who shouldn't ...) but the school should have been more flexible if there was space available.

I've never been to a school concert for which you had to buy a ticket, is this a UK thing? Paying to see your own child perform in a state school? :-/ think that's really off tbh

[QuintShhhhhh]

Wow, you must feel great.... Your child has been practicing for ages for a concert, and you could not manage to get tickets, nor get the dates right!

Maybe time to take stock and put some focus on your child?

[Viviennemary]

It did seem unreasonable not to let you in if there was space. But rules is rules and no more than in a school dealing with parents. It was probably to do with elf and safety. Or something like that. Anyway you could have gone home and had a nice glass of wine and watched TV instead of sitting through an evening of offence to the ears. Mine have never recovered from recorders.

[TTWK]

You did mess up. However, good will works two ways. Surely there's no obligation for you to take him back to school for an evening concert? When the school doesn't have enough people to host a concert as the parents are all pissed off at having to pay and being treated like this, maybe they'll rethink.

I think the school would be delighted. Staff really don't want to stay behind late so they can put on a show for the parents and have to suffer 3 hours of bloody kids murdering the violin or playing piano like Les Dawson. I'm sure they'd rather be at home with their own kids.

FFS!! This event is for the benefit of the parents and children. Don't make out you're doing the school a massive favour by attending.

[Icimoi]

I must say, I've been to school concerts where, if it wasn't for the fact that my dc was performing, I would have paid not to go. So I would have been somewhat grieved at being required to stump up for 3 minutes' maternal pride and 3 hours' suffering.

[INickedAName]

Dds school would have let you in if there were empty seats. Everyone forgets stuff and messes up sometimes. They would rather have the child see their parents watching them than turn parents away to prove a point. They have turned parents away though at ticketed events when there's been no empty seats.
Saying that, the school also has a lot of things to organise and remember, I don't think they should have to remember to remind parents to buy tickets. I missed dds nativity one year because I forgot to change the date after it was rescheduled in my calender, totally my fault and I'd not blame the school. I was angry at myself though. ( dd didn't even notice I wasn't there )

Hope your son enjoyed performing.

[InexperiencedDisneyMum]

You should have organised yourself better. Every letter we get I put the details straight on the calendar. It's in my kitchen and I look at it daily.

On the other hand though I think the school were unfair to not let you in on the day.

[PurpleAlert]

Your son has been practising for a concert for weeks, you can't be bothered to get your arse into gear and it's the schools fault? Seriously?

Of course Teachers are obviously nowhere near as busy as you so they have time to send reminders to parents who have already been given the required information.

Schools have limits on the number of people they can admit into their hall- they are called "Fire Regulations" and yes sometimes the fire service turn up to check during school concerts- it happened at my school once.

You sound massively entitled. Sort yourself out.

[Scholes34]

playing piano like Les Dawson - my dad says you have to be an excellent pianist to be able to play the piano like Les Dawson. But that's by the by.

As a busy working parent myself with three children, I forget things. It makes me realise that I need to write things down, use reminders, get the kids on board to remember things. I wouldn't expect the school to be reminding me continually. YABU and I think you know it.

[cardibach]

If there is no charge for concerts, how do you all think schools can afford the music for the children to play? It doesn't come free, and school budgets are stretched...
YABVU, as I'm sure you gather by now. People have to be responsible for organising their own lives.

[NKfell]

YABVU! If you don't have a ticket, you don't get in.

[honeyroar]

I imagine that schools start doing tickets after parents squabble over saving seats and whether grand parents trump parents etc, as in the other thread! And if you let the ones that don't bother to buy tickets in then nobody will bother next time. I expect the OP will make note of dates and remember next time..

[knittingdad]

You made a mistake. It happens. It would help you to admit to the mistake you made, and then to forgive yourself for it.

What you are doing is trying to avoid your feelings of guilt over making a mistake by finding a way to blame other people for it. This is not a reasonable way to behave.

[kali110]

No it's not the school in the wrong here.

[redskybynight]

Schools normally have maximum numbers for things like this, so it sounds like all the tickets were sold and there was no space to admit you (and if there was no space left, that would also make a reminder message somewhat redundant). If you found there was space at the end that was most likely due to people leaving early, or not turning up.

Would it have been any more acceptable for your DC to wait 3 hours if you'd got in to watch him?

[maddy68]

Fire regulations only allow a set number of places.
You had instructions. Your child will also know that tickets have to be bought.

[DelphiniumBlue]

YANBU.

I have worked in several schools,and been a parent at others, and some charge for performances, and some don't. I think it is wrong to charge parents for a school concert, and wrong not to allow admission on the day. The concerts are put on for the benefit of the children, it is part of their education, and I know how upset children get if their parents do not attend.

There are so many variables in parents lives; unpredictable work shifts, availability of childcare for younger children, general scattiness/disorganisation of parents, and it is not fair to penalise children for this.

If tickets are limited, there is no reason why they cannot be allocated 2 or 3 per performer, and then the rest can go on a first come, first served basis. If there is no charge for the tickets, then that avoids the problem of dealing with cash on the day.

[DelphiniumBlue]

And as for emailing or texting reminders, that would not be done by teachers, but by the admin staff, and is routinely done for a number of things, so I can't see why it wasn't done at the OP's school.

[TheOriginalSteamingNit]

Perhaps the number of things for which it is routinely done is quite large, and they don't just text you for things which were in the weekly newsletter just a few days ago, always?

[MsColouring]

Actually I think YANBU. We all make mistakes when we are busy. It is the children who miss out when schools are like this.

[LilyMayViolet]

It's horrible when you forget things like this and we all forget things from time to time. I do feel for you on that basis. However, the vast majority of school things we've attended have been strictly ticketed simply because SO many people want to come and there just isn't room. It is a pain but it's understandable. At my school it's the same. We have 100 children and a smallish hall so can only accommodate so many people. It's frustrating for everyone.

[MovingOnUpMovingOnOut]

Is this a reverse and you are the teacher? Or just staggeringly lacking in self-awareness?

Let me guess, has your child just moved to state from private?

To answer the original question yabu. You're not more special than everyone else you arrogant thing!

[fitnessforlife]

Am i the only one here wondering, about OP story. She got the days mixed up and at the same time attended the concert, although she wasn't let in.

She forgot that you had to buy tickets but when she arrived on ??? for the concert (which had happened the day before) she had her tickets in hand

[MiddleAgeMiddleEngland]

The school will have to limit numbers because of fire regulations.

Your son was practising the piece - why did you not make it a priority to get tickets as soon as they were available?

Do the other parents all have nothing else to do? I'd be surprised if you were the only working parent with a million things to remember. Get a system in place. A piece of paper and a pencil should be adequate.

Leaving a concert early when your own child has finished is the height of rudeness. How do those playing last feel with most of the audience gone? When I organise events like this, I make sure the ones performing early have tasks to do later on like introducing items. That way they all have to stay.

Have you apologised to your son for being incompetent and missing his big moment?

[lilypotter]

We had a parent going bananas at our office staff recently because he had missed the "Clubs for next term" booking form/reminder and the over-subscribed club he wanted was full. Apparently, the office should have phoned him to warn him the letter was coming out so he could look out for it!