Rotten teeth 5 year old DSD. WWYD?

[chronictreehugger]

I have posted before about DSD's rotting teeth. She lives with her DM through the week and with us in a weekend.
She used to stay with us 4/5 nights a week up until nearly two years ago when her DM moved away and took DSD with her. Since then her teeth have started to rot. There was an occasion, maybe a month or so back, where DSDs DM took her to the dentist only to be told that DSD needed 3 fillings. When she dropped DSD off at our house, after the appointment, DSD had a bottle of fanta, chocolate around her mouth and a cake in her hand. I was furious! It seems like basic common sense not to buy your child sugary drinks, sweets, cakes etc when she needs 3 fillings at 4 years old.

We've had DSD back and forth to the dentist because of her teeth in the last month or so. They wouldnt sedate her to fill her teeth because she is under 7 and she refused to open her mouth etc or cooperate with the dentist until last Friday.

We picked DSD up on Friday night and she started crying on the way home but wouldn't tell us what was the matter. We got back home and DSD told me that earlier in the week, part of her back tooth had "snapped" off.

She let me have a look in her mouth and sure enough, part of her back molar had broken off and underneath was red, sore and looked painful. I rang up our dentist straight away to see if I could get an emergency appointment for DSD and managed to get one the next morning.

What a night, poor DSD was up from 10 - 5:30 crying in agony because her tooth was hurting! Next morning a very tired DP and I took a very tired, upset and (understandably) grumpy DSD to the dentist. He said that she had extensive dental decay and that she had an abscess under the affected tooth caused by a bacterial infection. DP mad myself got a bit of a dressing down. We've always really looked after both DC'S teeth, I'm in my mid 20's and have never had a filling, they only drink water and sweets are an occasional treat. I bought them both an electric toothbrush and either myself or DP brush their teeth. DSD eventually and bravely might I add agreed to a local anaesthetic, the dentist drained the infection, filled the tooth and gave DSD a course of antibiotics.

DP gave DSDs DM a dressing down, he told her that the sweets and fizzy pop that she always has when he comes to pick her up have to stop etc. He also said that he'd noticed that on most pictures that his exP uploaded on to FB of DSD she had fizzy drinks or chocolate or sweets. I don't have his exP on FB so wasn't aware of this.
Her defence was that if DP hadn't split from her when she was a baby then she wouldn't feel the need to spoil her with sweets etc. she also said that DSD carries on for them throws a tantrum when she doesn't get what she wants. I really think that DP should consider going for custody, it just seems so obvious to me that we're fighting a losing battle here otherwise.

[crustsaway]

Im not going to get into this particular thread but only wish to add my son had cavaties at that age due to eating a lot of fruit (this errodes the enamel). Ask your dentist to give flouride treatments. They work wonders and protect the teeth from future damage.

Son now has a mouth to be very proud of and a smile that dazzles.

[crustsaway]

Oh and buy her an electric toothbrush to take home with her.

[Mrsmorton]

It's the sweets and pop, without question. I'm immune to all MN posters who say it's about enamel weaknesses and all of that shite. Enamel defects are very rare, poor diet and poor brushing are very common. Tooth decay in children is very common. In fact, the number one reason for GA for children under 10 is dental decay BECAUSE OF POOR DIET.

My brother had badly formed enamel due to measles, he still has no fillings. Why is this? Because he had a good diet and good oral hygiene.

it is an absolutely simple equation:

Sugar+bacteria= acid
Acid+ tooth = decay

Take away either the bacteria (impossible), the tooth (impractical) or the sugar (simple) and decay won't happen.

except the poster who's dc is tube fed and I have asked the question of my local consultant in dental public health why your child has decay!!

[Mrsmorton]

maypolist seriously? I mean, you smoke a cigarette and it's gone, why would that do any harm?

I've posted it before and I'll post it til i get kicked off for being miserable, the stephan curve explains all. including why cake is bad for your teeth.

[NobodyLivesHere]

My dd needed 6 teeth removed at age 6 and had an abscess (that caused no pain incidentally). Her brother and sister have never needed a filling. Anyone who suggested I shouldn't have custody would have been told to do one.

[APlaceOnTheCouch]

Decay can have numerous causes - fruit; prematurity; exposure to smoking; food allergies, etc. YABU to think it's a basis for trying to get custody.

[crustsaway]

Im thinking the same here Nobody. How having a few fillings means that the social services need to be called in is beyond me. Some people are just born with weaker teeth than others. My son never drank fizzy stuff nor did he chomp on chocolate day and night. In saying that he did eat a fair bit :)))

[RabbitSaysWoof]

To say it never happened when you were RP is unfair, a friend of mine always pacified her dd with sugary crap, squash in bottles constant snacks, but her teeth needed no treatment until age 4 either (visited dentist since a baby) all of a sudden she needed 4 teeth taken out.
Questionable parenting yes, but no sudden change it was years of lazyness catching up.

[noeffingidea]

crustaway if your child is born with weaker teeth then the last thing you should be doing is giving them fanta and sweet stuff every day, and not cleaning them properly. She would know that if she took her to the dentist. That is where the neglect comes in.
Can't believe people makes excuses for this sort of crap parenting.

[eyebags63]

This is really crap parenting, I'm surprised at the number of people looking to make excuses for it. The mother doesn't seem to care that her 4 year old has multiple teeth rotting out of het mouth and an abscess..... continues to parent in such a way that causes this problem, and no doubt the child will eventually develop an obesity problem if they diet is as bad as OP makes out.

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

My DH is a dentist and agrees 100% with what mrsmorton says.

Ultimately, it is a child protection issue if the issue is not being addressed by the parent and the DC are in pain - and tooth pain can be awful.

Not sure where you live but where we are dentists can refer initially to the health visitor/school nurse so they can also have a word with the parents. So that could be a route to explore. It would be worth her dad making an appointment with the dentist and stressing how concerned he is about this and getting some advice face to face

[TheCowThatLaughs]

Could the dentist offer dsd fluoride varnish to protect her teeth?

[Mehitabel6]

My dentist is very forthright on parents who do not look after their children's teeth - he thinks it neglect or very lazy parenting because the parent won't say 'No' or insist on proper cleaning. The young child needs to have them cleaned for them.
I think that it is neglect and the mother needs a very stiff warning, by whatever it takes, that the fizzy drinks, sweets etc have to stop and that she needs to make sure that the teeth are properly cleaned from now on. Tantrums are no excuse not to do it and neither are her personal circumstances.

[CakeLady1]

Irrespective of the decaying teeth, feeding the child junk food so much is not good (crisps for breakfast, really??) & is teaching her bad habits.
Never mind the emotional fuck-uppery she's putting on this child, that mum is the kind parent who gives DD sweets, treats & pop, while mean ol' dad & SM won't give her any. Is the child's mother expecting you & DH to take her sweets & treats off her when you pick her up? Could that be so that DD doesn't want to go with daddy & SM because they're meanies? Could it be that DSDs mum doesn't like to see DD happy with you both? Could it also be the she doesn't like to see her ex happy (sounds like it from the "if you hadn't left us" comment) & is trying to punish him by making him the unpopular parent.
Sounds like this woman is trying to buy her DDs affection by all the wrong things.
Is it worth suggesting to her mum she starts a reward chart to earn treats, but instead of sweet & sugary shit, those treats could be sticker books & toys?

[rookiemere]

I can't really see that the DM is going to take well to the DF trying to teach her how to parent, ditto whilst she sounds like a rubbish parent it's hard to see how telling her off about pictures of the DSD on FB with sweet treats etc is going to make a positive difference to things. Any parent who thinks it's a good idea to give their DD

Get the fluoride treatments. Buy DSD an electric toothbrush that she can bring with her to DMs - we use the Stages ones, they aren't expensive. Tell DSD that she should be brushing her teeth twice a day - yes she's only young, but if you remind her that they hurt otherwise, then it might help.
See if you can get the school/dentist any one in authority to talk to the DM.

[SnottySundays]

Thanks for posting that mrsmorton that's really helpful. I hadn't seen that before.

[differentnameforthis]

I don't actually think chocolate and cake are that bad for your teeth.I mean you eat them and they are gone.

headdesk!

[Mrsmorton]

I know different makes you wonder why you bother! That is genuinely one of the most phenomenally uneducated comments I have ever read on MN.

[differentnameforthis]

One of the mums of a patient I saw said was happy that her 6yr no longer drank (copious) amounts of coke ..much cheering from us...until she said she now drinks fanta...

[differentnameforthis]

opps..posted too soon..she genuinely thought that because it was orange flavoured it was healthier..

[SunnyBaudelaire]

as others have said, some children just have bad teeth....
your post is very down on 'the mother' isn't it?

[SunnyBaudelaire]

although yes, fizzy drinks etc at that age is just wrong really

[YouBastardSockBalls]

I can't believe that people are defending the mother here.
If it was the father he'd be getting pasted.

OP that sounds awful. Poor DSD

[YouBastardSockBalls]

your post is very down on 'the mother' isn't it?

Possibly because she's neglecting her child and causing her to have unpleasant medical procedures as a result? I'd be quite 'down' on her too.

[SunnyBaudelaire]

yes but this poster has been posting for ages about this terrible mother, maybe she should have taken the child into her house by now?