Rotten teeth 5 year old DSD. WWYD?

[chronictreehugger]

I have posted before about DSD's rotting teeth. She lives with her DM through the week and with us in a weekend.
She used to stay with us 4/5 nights a week up until nearly two years ago when her DM moved away and took DSD with her. Since then her teeth have started to rot. There was an occasion, maybe a month or so back, where DSDs DM took her to the dentist only to be told that DSD needed 3 fillings. When she dropped DSD off at our house, after the appointment, DSD had a bottle of fanta, chocolate around her mouth and a cake in her hand. I was furious! It seems like basic common sense not to buy your child sugary drinks, sweets, cakes etc when she needs 3 fillings at 4 years old.

We've had DSD back and forth to the dentist because of her teeth in the last month or so. They wouldnt sedate her to fill her teeth because she is under 7 and she refused to open her mouth etc or cooperate with the dentist until last Friday.

We picked DSD up on Friday night and she started crying on the way home but wouldn't tell us what was the matter. We got back home and DSD told me that earlier in the week, part of her back tooth had "snapped" off.

She let me have a look in her mouth and sure enough, part of her back molar had broken off and underneath was red, sore and looked painful. I rang up our dentist straight away to see if I could get an emergency appointment for DSD and managed to get one the next morning.

What a night, poor DSD was up from 10 - 5:30 crying in agony because her tooth was hurting! Next morning a very tired DP and I took a very tired, upset and (understandably) grumpy DSD to the dentist. He said that she had extensive dental decay and that she had an abscess under the affected tooth caused by a bacterial infection. DP mad myself got a bit of a dressing down. We've always really looked after both DC'S teeth, I'm in my mid 20's and have never had a filling, they only drink water and sweets are an occasional treat. I bought them both an electric toothbrush and either myself or DP brush their teeth. DSD eventually and bravely might I add agreed to a local anaesthetic, the dentist drained the infection, filled the tooth and gave DSD a course of antibiotics.

DP gave DSDs DM a dressing down, he told her that the sweets and fizzy pop that she always has when he comes to pick her up have to stop etc. He also said that he'd noticed that on most pictures that his exP uploaded on to FB of DSD she had fizzy drinks or chocolate or sweets. I don't have his exP on FB so wasn't aware of this.
Her defence was that if DP hadn't split from her when she was a baby then she wouldn't feel the need to spoil her with sweets etc. she also said that DSD carries on for them throws a tantrum when she doesn't get what she wants. I really think that DP should consider going for custody, it just seems so obvious to me that we're fighting a losing battle here otherwise.

[dejarderoncar]

Everytime I switch on MN, and all through my MN visit, what do I see? ' Easy- peasy home made lemonade. So simple - AND SWEET ENOUGH FOR THE KIDS.

[Purplepoodle]

Have you and dp thought of getting a social worker involved? Not in a bad take her from her mother way but some more support to help mum change

[CakeLady1]

Saying no can be tough.
Not saying no and teaching the child what no means is not good parenting. (Before anyone shoots me, yes, the odd exception to the rule is needed from time to time, but the rule must be established first).
If child doesn't learn 'no' there is a risk she'll tantrum for everything...
It's hard being the bad guy.

[chronictreehugger]

cakelady I kind of think hVe hit w nail on the head there, we do indeed take the drinks, sweets, crisps etc off her and we have tantrums as a result! Her DM says that DSD screams until she gives in regarding sweets etc and I can quite believe that she does but she has to be firm! Giving in is making everyone worse!! Not only her teeth and diet but her "I can have whatever I want whenever I want if I scream loudly enough" attitude.

We bought her two electric toothbrushes already, one for her use here and one for her use at DMs house.

[TipseyKisses]

Thank you Mrsmorton,
The xylitol sugar free gum I've found is more expensive than the regular type so I wondered if the price was justified .

I was interested as I read that xylitol somehow starves the bacteria but if regular sugar free is just as good I will stick with that & save some money !

[Radiatorvalves]

Agree that it is neglect and that if the child's mother won't listen to you, educate the child as best you can and involve HV or get dentist to talk to mother.

I would add that my younger son had defective enamel. 100% healthy otherwise. He needed 6 teeth out under GA. I felt awful, but it wasn't my fault - unless enamel didn't develop due to something I dd while pg. He rarely has sweets, fizzy drinks maybe once a week or fortnight. And does brush teeth. His elder brother has a marginally worse diet and has perfect teeth.

[5hell]

Whilst sweets and fizzy pop are clearly part of the problem, brushing/not brushing is also a major factor.

if you cant get through to her mother on the topic of brushing, then do your best to get DSD to brush/brush for her when you have her and get her into good habits...make it really fun/give her a star etc, so that even if her mother doesn't care, evenetually she will care for them herself (i know she's young, but it's worth a try!)

[SunnyBaudelaire]

no of course it would not be easy.
But IME nrp's do find it much easier to moan than actually do anything .

[YouBastardSockBalls]

yes but this poster has been posting for ages about this terrible mother, maybe she should have taken the child into her house by now?

Really!? Because it's that easy, is it..!? Just take her?

[Mrsmorton]

Xylitol is supposed to help reduce decay but the jury is out on any very good evidence at present. Just chewing sugar free gum is good as it in erases salivary flow which helps clear sugar and acid from the mouth.

[leeloo1]

Some things are mis-advertised though different. Ds picked up a can of drink yday 'look mummy, pineapple juice can I have it?'. So I showed him the ingredients on the 'pineapple juice flavoured drink' and it was nothing but a whole bunch of chemicals and sweetners. But if you didn't know to look then it looked 'healthy'. :(

Op, suggest you call social services for advice.

[TipseyKisses]

Poor kid , it sounds horrendous !!

Surely after an abscess the mum would want to cut sugar down ?

Sorry to derail the thread with a question but I have been reading a lot about xylitol , I read that the chewing gum etc is good for teeth so wanted to ask mrs Morton if that's correct ?

[addictedtosugar]

My 4 yr old loves this, which may be a useful book to have at home?

Poor DSD. Hope she's feeling better.

[SunnyBaudelaire]

or maybe it is just easier to continue moaning about 'the mother' than that...I don't know...

[SunnyBaudelaire]

yes but this poster has been posting for ages about this terrible mother, maybe she should have taken the child into her house by now?

[YouBastardSockBalls]

your post is very down on 'the mother' isn't it?

Possibly because she's neglecting her child and causing her to have unpleasant medical procedures as a result? I'd be quite 'down' on her too.

[YouBastardSockBalls]

I can't believe that people are defending the mother here.
If it was the father he'd be getting pasted.

OP that sounds awful. Poor DSD

[SunnyBaudelaire]

although yes, fizzy drinks etc at that age is just wrong really

[SunnyBaudelaire]

as others have said, some children just have bad teeth....
your post is very down on 'the mother' isn't it?

[differentnameforthis]

opps..posted too soon..she genuinely thought that because it was orange flavoured it was healthier..

[differentnameforthis]

One of the mums of a patient I saw said was happy that her 6yr no longer drank (copious) amounts of coke ..much cheering from us...until she said she now drinks fanta...

[Mrsmorton]

I know different makes you wonder why you bother! That is genuinely one of the most phenomenally uneducated comments I have ever read on MN.

[differentnameforthis]

I don't actually think chocolate and cake are that bad for your teeth.I mean you eat them and they are gone.

headdesk!

[SnottySundays]

Thanks for posting that mrsmorton that's really helpful. I hadn't seen that before.

[rookiemere]

I can't really see that the DM is going to take well to the DF trying to teach her how to parent, ditto whilst she sounds like a rubbish parent it's hard to see how telling her off about pictures of the DSD on FB with sweet treats etc is going to make a positive difference to things. Any parent who thinks it's a good idea to give their DD

Get the fluoride treatments. Buy DSD an electric toothbrush that she can bring with her to DMs - we use the Stages ones, they aren't expensive. Tell DSD that she should be brushing her teeth twice a day - yes she's only young, but if you remind her that they hurt otherwise, then it might help.
See if you can get the school/dentist any one in authority to talk to the DM.