To still not know whether or not to go for interview?

[elderflowerlemonade]

I have an interview for a teaching position.

If I were to be offered the post, my salary would effectively be wiped out by childcare costs. I would have two very young children (both under 2) in full time childcare. There would be few if any financial benefits as a result.

But there are all the usual arguments for going back to work - I am a crap SAHM; I am bored; my pension and so on.

But DH keeps saying why don't i just leave it another year so DD has some free hours and I will in his words make a profit and I am reluctantly seeing what he means.

WIBU to pull out? It does seem a bit stupid ...

[DinosaursRoar]

If you feel 'sick with tireness' is putting a fulltime job into that going to help? If you're struggling with pressures in the home and working for such a small amount after childcare is not going to mean you can outsouce any of the bits like cleaning and tidying you find draining, is this going ot make things better? Or is it more the case that you remember before having DCs working full time and feeling less tired than you do now?

I think while supply sounds like a good idea, that will be hell to get childcare for, most places expect you to pay for set days.

A childminder is much more likely to give you a 'term time only' contract, so you can save some money over the year, while when you are at work you'll get only £100 a month (or nothing if petrol costs take that out), but once you are in the holidays, you'd make a profit, although that does mean you'd have to do any paperwork/marking etc with the DCs around, that might prove a bit much.

[KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable]

I went back to work with my first and third children at about 6 months. It was the right decision for me.

I hate being a SAHM. I become crap at it and get depressed and miserable.

I love my children. I love my work. The whole family is happier with me working. My relationship with the DC is better. DH has to do his fair share of the housework too, which is very important to me.

Going back to work gave me extra energy. I feel sick with tiredness when I'm a SAHM. It's depression really I think. Working energises and enlivens me. It stops DH from taking me for granted too.

BTW, I tried a nanny and didn't like it. Childminders suit us much better. It is less confusing for the little ones too: home is mummy and daddy (and their rules), CM is "other" like school will be (CM rules and other children there).

Your DH has been a dick over this. For that reason alone, I would take the job and start putting my foot down about him pulling his weight.

[elderfloweriver]

Many, many thanks for your replies.

If anyone is wondering re the name change, fate seems to have stepped in and I can't log in I know re registering is technically against the rules but didn't want to leave posts unanswered.

I have to say in fairness DH definitely pulls his weight - more than pulls his weight. We have a big garden which he sorts, he feeds the fish in the pond, has learned to my surprise how to catch and groom a pony and he does the DIY bits around the house. The actual cleaning falls to me and I am not very good at it.

I feel like my self esteem is low. That was the motivation behind taking the job. For a while I didn't have a car so was isolated. I feel like my friends have moved on and left me miles behind. I feel like people don't like me much or can't be bothered with me. getting a job was supposed to be about carving something for me, trying to claim back some of my own identity if you like, I don't know if that makes sense.

Problem is, I am going through the uncomfortable yet honest realisation that at the age of 33 I have arsed up everything I've ever done or tried to do It's that I need to sort. So I'm going to try to spend less time on here and more time on 'me/us.'

Thanks

[YellowLemons]

Elderflower, I've seen a few of your posts but haven't managed to comment on one yet. I am glad your DH helps out in some ways. It sounds like you have a busy household.

Well done on applying, being shortlisted and then being offered the job - massive confidence boost!

But are you ok? I ask because it is quite unusual at 7-8 months pregnant to suddenly decide you need to go back to work asap. Was the baby planned? What did you anticipate happening? Obviously you don't have to answer. But I ask because I developed antenatal depression with my 2nd pregnancy and had similar panicked ideas - felt trapped, wanted to get a job, move house, move nearer my parents, move further from my parents, etc!

Might just be worth thinking about and perhaps mentioning to your midwife

[elderfloweriver]

No, the baby definitely wasn't planned - embarrassingly DD was only 6 months when conception occurred.

I am a bit depressed but there's nothing anyone can do - just have to wait it out Thank you x

[YellowLemons]

That's a lot more understandable then But please don't think there's nothing that can be done - midwives can offer lots of brilliant help for antenatal depression/anxiety. Please do mention it to your midwife (and keep talking about it here).

I can't tell if you've taken the job or not, but if not - why don't you say that you will get a job to start Sept 2016. Then you know that you've only got a year to manage. I really sympathise though - it sounds like our circumstances are v similar (same age, job,) but I've only got the 2. I've just managed to get a v part-time job to start in Sept - hoping it will give me back a bit of confidence. I've already felt better since telling people about it!

[elderfloweriver]

I've taken it but I'm now panicked and miserable but I'll make the best of it! DH is annoyed with me.

They'll just try to give me pills and I don't want them x

[elderfloweriver]

He's annoyed I can't make my mind up; one minute I'm crying because I am bored and lonely then I am crying because I have a job I don't think I can do very well!

[hackmum]

"I am going through the uncomfortable yet honest realisation that at the age of 33 I have arsed up everything I've ever done or tried to do"

Can I just say it doesn't sound that way to me? You're clearly competent - you've just been offered a job, for a start, so you obviously made a good impression. You're married, you have a child and about to have another one (if I've read that right - I didn't see your earlier thread) and it sounds like you have a nice house.

These kinds of decisions are never easy. Being at home looking after two small children is hard work and it's lonely and boring. There probably are women who adore spending every hour of the day with toddlers and babies but I don't know them.

Going out to work and leaving your small children behind for someone else to look after is also hard. It means you'll feel stretched (teaching isn't a soft option, after all) and you'll probably feel guilty about leaving your kids with someone else. So no wonder you're feeling conflicted about it all. Your DH may not understand how you feel but I certainly do and so, I'm sure, do a lot of other people on this thread.

Whichever decision you make, it will have pros and cons. And it will be reversible - you can change your mind if it doesn't work out.

[elderfloweriver]

Thank you, that means a lot

We have a nice house but I/we don't keep it looking very nice!

I just feel I'm conflicted and that's why DH is getting irritated with me although he's not showing it - he was nice last night.

[YellowLemons]

They won't just offer pills. They should be able to offer counselling too/instead. I refused medication, but have had fantastic counselling.
Please just speak to them - you have so much on your plate that it's no wonder you're all over the place.

Try not to panic about the job - tbh, if you decide in e.g November that you don't want it, then I'm sure they find a replacement without too much worry. Don't let that worry destroy you now

[elderfloweriver]

Thanks but I had counselling already. It was helpful but only to a point.

I don't think some people realised just how pregnant I am - I had to do a lot of walking yesterday and the baby is due this month. No wonder I was exhausted! DH was very lovely to me I must say. He is controlling but in a 'nice' way. Sometimes!

[fastdaytears]

I totally understand where you're coming from but there is no way that you've arsed everything up. Really. You need to see that as a product of how you're feeling right now and not a reflection of what's actual gone on/going on.

Keeping the house nice really not a big deal. I honestly think you'll see that when you're feeling a bit better.

[peppapigonaloop]

I was EXHAUSTED when 8 months pregnant with my 3rd..all I wanted to do was sleep! As soon as he came though I had bags more energy and was way more on top of things..you will be great don't worry!

[elderfloweriver]

Thanks, I hope so!

[YellowLemons]

Baby is due this month?! And we're experiencing a bloody heatwave? And you went along to a day-long job interview, blind taught a lesson, faced interview panels... And got the job! I'm looking for the superhero emoticon!

Seriously, try not to put any extra pressure on yourself. Accept that you have taken the job, and decide that you'll review that decision no earlier than September.

Now go and put your feet in the kids' paddling pool and eat ice cream!

[elderfloweriver]

Thanks yellow that's a lovely message