A SAHM walks into a bar...

[Magalouf]

And goes to order a round, when one of the guys in the round comes up and says 'I'll get these, I've got a job'.

AIBU to be pissed off! I said it's fine I got it, but he was pretty insistent. I didn't want a scene. He's a friend of DH, who wasn't there at the time.

[Prettyinblue]

My friends and I often buy for each other but that's when know the other one is skint.

Think it depends if he is usually a bit of a knob.

[fredfredgeorgejnr]

Round buying is a tricky thing, and one of the responsibilities as a member of the round who has significantly more disposable cash is to engineer things such that you buy more rounds without it being unnatural.

Let's be generous to the guy and assume this was his attempt, and he simply failed in how he did it, he knew the idea, but not the exact practice.

[windchime]

I work part time as a nurse and I have friends who are very rich and often pick up the tab when we go out. I do not take offence as they are dear friends. Pride comes before a fall.

[Timetoask]

I met up with an old male friend sometime ago, when I told him I was currently a sahm he said "oh so you're a kept woman", !!!! Made my blood boil.

[ihategeorgeosborne]

You don't think it could have been his attempt at a joke?

[tulipgrower]

I think it's rude to say "because I've got a job", but I think the intention may still have been well intended. ( I know a lot of socially- challenged nerds who have hearts of gold, but would probably blurt out the job part)

[Stealthpolarbear]

Do you not think it's rude to assume? I think it's natural to assume that if someone is recently out of work or on mat leave they will have less money than before but to assume (and tell thwm) that you have more money because you work?

[Mintyy]

There are plenty of sahms with more disposable income than their friends (male and female) who have jobs.

It was a knobbish, stupid, arrogant, twat-faced thing to say.

[tulipgrower]

Surely some are SAHM's because the child care costs don't make working worthwhile, and some can't return to jobs which are incompatible with having small children. Ideally the move to become a SAHM has been well planned. But in some of the cases I know, the decision still required significant belt tightening.

[Stopandlook]

Being on mat leave is different - it's a temporary change in circumstances. If I'd just lost my job I wouldn't be offended if male or female friends offered me a pint. But I would never say to a SAHM I'll pay for something she was about to because I have a job. Ignorant and patronising grr.

[ihategeorgeosborne]

Maybe he fancies you and wanted to buy you a drink!

[FenellaFellorick]

"Thanks. I'll have a quadruple whisky."

If someone wants to spend money being an arse, bloody let them.

[Magalouf]

Ha! If a woman said that I'd think she was a thunderc£*t!!

[Shodan]

IMO, 'I'll get these' = friendly gesture.

The addition of 'I've got a job'= patronising.

[Stealthpolarbear]

But surely sahms are sahms because the family income allows it?
I'm sure loads if them have more disposable cash than I do

[tulipgrower]

Maybe a well intended gesture? I always try to pick up the tab for friends who are students, low earners or on maternity leave. And as karma would have it, when things were tighter for me, some of those that had moved on to high flying careers, picked up the tab. Would it have made a difference if it had been offered by a woman?

[Stealthpolarbear]

Yes I think I would. Although not if it was mat leave related. Temp shortness of cash - fine to offer.
Long term financial situation brought about by careful planning - erm what exactly???

[Sagethyme]

Would you be equally as peeved if it was a female friend? I think it was meant as a friendly gesture with no malice. At the end of my Mat leave (took 12 months) there really was no spare cash for a coffee with friends, i was never offended when they offered to buy me a coffee, and once i was back at work i returned the coffees (with interest in the form of cake) i guess it comes down to how well you all know each other?

[Mintyy]

Never ever EVER assume it is ok to insist on paying for a round when someone else is getting it in because you have more money. It is extraordinarily patronising and disrespectful.

[namechangefortoday543]

"Sorry Im a bit deaf , did you say you are a knob"???

[Magalouf]

I feel like it was a little dig tbh. I'm new to the SAHM thing, and prob a bit sensitive, but I do think it was a little out of order.

Have been trying to think of a better punch line for the thread title to no avail!

[paxtecum]

We don't know the tone that he used.

I went out to dinner with two couples a few weeks ago and the men insisted on paying for me. I thought they were being rather polite and sweet and thanked them. But Maybe they were being patronising wankers.

[Stealthpolarbear]

Minty I don't think he planned to claim it. Just felt he had more money than the pp.

[Mintyy]

What a wanker!! Yes, I would have changed my drink to a bottle of champagne and seen how his job liked that.

[Stopandlook]

Yanbu. Am actually speechless.