To be annoyed at my mum snoring away on the couch

[HappyGoLuckyGirl]

Me and 2yo DS are staying at my mums in between moving houses. She has my nephew every weekend, either one or both nights.

Last night he stayed over. My DS woke about 7am and I could already hear my nephew chatting in my mums room. Anyway, I get me and DS up and nephew comes out and joins us in the living room. Mum stayed in bed and didn't get up for another 45mins and only when I asked her.

She's now snoring on the sofa, leaving me to look after him!

I don't necessarily mind looking after him as he's my nephew and him and DS love to play but it does add to my stress levels as he doesn't like how young my DS is and how differently he plays (nephew is 5) so gets angry and shouts at DS.

I think it's rude of her to tell my Sister that she's looking after him when she bloody isn't, I am! He is her responsibility when he's here and yet she's snoring away on the couch and I'm left to it.

I don't get to snore on the couch. She's basically assigned me as babysitter so she can continue sleeping. No one likes early mornings but that is something you have to put up with when you offer to have a 5yo overnight!

If he wasn't here she would have stayed in bed, which I can completely understand! But he is here and she should be entertaining him and looking after him instead of sleeping.

AIBU to be slightly pissed off?

[HappyGoLuckyGirl]

But then if she is so tired after a working week should she really offer to look after my nephew for most if not all of the weekend?

I'm exhausted after working all week and looking after a 2yo. Why is it fair that I end up looking after another child to?

And also, it concerns me that this is what she does normally, before I moved here, as this has been the case the past 3 weekends.

[TendonQueen]

Obviously you need to tell your sister that the conversation must stay between you two. I do think your mum is being odd about this though. My mum loves my DS to bits but wouldn't get angry with me if I didn't let him stay every weekend - I am his mum, not her. Is there some history behind her possessiveness about your nephew?

Is there a friend you could go and stay with next weekend, to get you a change of scene?

[HappyGoLuckyGirl]

Yes - huge backstory. My sister had him very young and was not very good at looking after him originally. Although my mum allowed her to get away with murder so she could look after him. She quit her job and stayed at home with them both for 2 years.

Now my sister is managing fine on her own and lives on her own, etc. But he stays at my mums every weekend bar the odd one.

I can't trust my sister not to be angry with my mum. I would be annoyed if I left DS with someone and they carried on sleeping after he got up, not giving him any stimulation or interaction.

They have just gone back to bed.

[Penfold007]

OP the extra info is enlightening. Your mum acted as 'mum' for this child for several years even giving up work to do so. She is very attached to DN.

As your only lodging for a couple of months pick your battles, . You don't want to be asked leave.

If you don't want help with DNs child care next Saturday get up and go out. She will soon realise you don't want to help.

I understand your frustration.

[BackforGood]

YABU
Your Mum is letting you stay at hers, to help you out, despite the fact that another adult and a 2 yr old make a HUGE difference to the dynamics in the house.
You would be up early at the weekend anyway - such is the life with a 2 yr old. As you are up, then it's not really an issue to entertain the 5 yr old too, so she is taking advantage by catching a few zzzz. Very logical to me.

If your sister is being treated to a night free from her ds every fortnight, she too is not in a position to complain about the amount of 'interaction and stimulation' he is getting every hour of the day. Sound like you are both somewhat entitled.

[TendonQueen]

That makes more sense of it all. I would tough it out for the next two months, then, and I'd try to manage weekend time by getting out as much as possible - either to visit/stay with friends, or by having days out. You could even suggest some joint days out with your mum and the two kids: that way you'll all have to be up and out.

[ohtheholidays]

I don't think YABU,so you both work full time.Your Mum doesn't help look after your Son but does look after your nephew,her other Grandson.Your paying your Mum keep and doing all the cleaning and cooking for the whole household?

I think your Mum's getting the much better deal her and so is your sister!

Your Mum wants to look after your Nephew then that is up to her.Your already a Mum to a 2 year old and it doesn't sound like you get much help at all.It's exhausting enough being a mum to a toddler,but having a full time job as well and looking after the whole of the house on your own and everyone in it and then being expected to look after your nephew is out of order!

Financially could you afford to stay somewhere else whilst your waiting to move?That way you'll only have yourself and your son to look after,cook for and clean up after.

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

Well to start I disagree about havi g to be grateful that your mum is letting g you stay with her. Where your mum livex is your home, and I think people are bang out of order bandying the words free loader around. They don't know your circumstances. How do they know you've not left an abusive marriage. Plus it's not free loading off your own mum, like I said that's your home.
What ever has happened to you could also happen to the ones smugly telling you to stop free loading, move out if you don't like it, ect ect, erm and go where! On the streets with s child, if that is your situation.
However not having s pop but you are being a bit unreSonable moaning about your mum having s sleep. If she's sleeping she must need it.

[HagOtheNorth]

'Where your mum livex is your home,'

I ahve two adult children living at home, and the fact that their attitudes are completely different to that sense of entitlement and immaturity is one of the many reasons why they can stay as long as they like.

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

If that is a pop at me. Let me tell me you. I have no sense of entitlement. I have never asked for anything.
I pointed out that the op might have no other option but to stay at her mums.
Like I said. Does she just go and live on the streets. Would you want that for your children.

[HagOtheNorth]

' Does she just go and live on the streets. Would you want that for your children.'

Nope, but they also don't whinge about sharing a house, the responsibilities that come with it and being reaoonable about coping with small stuff. Neither do I or OH.
It seems a big fuss over a small issue, OP is up with one child, stick on the telly and feed them both breakfast and her mum couldl take over later.
Presumably when OP isn't resident, her mum gets up and looks after her grandson on her own.

[someonestolemynick]

A five-year-old can should. E able to entertain themselves for a few hours. They don't need stimulation and interaction at every moment of every day. So, let your DM sleep. Your DN will be fine and would be even if you weren't there

[misbegotten]

You are assuming your mother sleeps every time she has her nephew over, what proof do you have, could it not be as she knows you are there she is catching up on some sleep.

The fact that you are posting on mumsnet and your mum is asleep means who is looking after the children?

Your mum has already raised her family and from what you say another child. You are coming across as petty, ungrateful and entitled.

There are two sides to every story and I am sure if your mum had her say her version of events would be different to yours.

[BehindEveryCloud]

YABU

Not really understanding how stressful it is for you when you have time for lengthy mumsnet updates

[AuntyMag10]

Yabu, he's your nephew not some random child that you have to watch for 45 min. So mean to be complaining about your own sister like this. And about your mum who is having you live with her. A 5yo doesn't need to have wall to wall stimulation, just let him watch tv till your mum gets up.

[saturnvista]

No, you are not being reasonable in the slightest. If your mum cannot put you up for a night without you refusing to help out in the slightest, I feel very sorry for her. Have you always been so self-absorbed?

[saturnvista]

I agree that it's very unfair of anyone to judge you for staying in your mum's house in the first place.

[HappyGoLuckyGirl]

Okay, guess I needed a flame proof suit.

I don't think I'm entitled in the slightest as I do everything in the house and drive her wherever she needs to go, if I'm able.

But, I hear the consensus and will accept I'm BU. Guess I'll just have to factor in that I'm looking after 2 kids at weekend instead of just my own.

Thanks for the kinder words amongst the harsh.

[TrinityForce]

I think she's being very rude to sleep on and leave you looking after DN.

[BreadmakerFan]

Does he like your child or not? You contradicted yourself in the first post.

I understand your frustration but get a grip and remember your mum is doing you a favour so surely you can do her one.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

Hang on. The OP is paying rent and doing cooking and cleaning; how is that freeloading or entitled? Her sister is getting childcare on the weekends from the Mum but that has now become partly the OP's job. It think the OP is making a more than fair contribution to the household.

[HagOtheNorth]

That depends Chaz, she was complaining at 9am.

'Guess I'll just have to factor in that I'm looking after 2 kids at weekend instead of just my own. '

Come back tomorrow evening and tell us that's what you had to do, and I'll be sympathetic and say that it's not fair and that your mum should have done the bulk of the care for your nephew. But a couple of hours?
How many more months are you there for?

[drudgetrudy]

Actually I would be a bit irritated too. OP's Mum is doing her a favour but OP is contributing financially and doing most of the work. Op's Mum is only 46-if childcare is too much for her now what will she be like at 70?

There isn't really much you can say though OP except perhaps ask if she would look after both kids for an hour or two later whilst you have a break.

[mommy2ash]

Do you really dislike your nephew that much you begrudge spending a few hours with him