To not wat to see my bf's dd because of this?

[Handywoman]

Been with the most wonderful man for 10months. I have 2dds, he has 1dd same age as my youngest (10yo).

I have bristled at the way he is with his dd. He indulges very plea for attention despite the behaviour, by which I mean if she throws a strop or gets a mood on he is in there immediately, trying to draw her out of it no matter how unreasonable she's being, and sometimes the moods are purely for attention. She'll do things such as decide in the middle of a game we are playing, to just stop and say she's bored and get in a huff. boyf then indulges and she has to be accommodated. On the day I met boyf's mum recently, his mum and I were in the middle of a conversation and his dd couldn't handle it and asked us to stop and talk to her instead

I'm very much made of different stuff as a parent. If my dds throw a strop or mood if things don't automatically got their way they will be ignored. Sometimes their behaviour will be humoured or not taken seriously. They understand that there is more to life than them. It's very different.

I stayed at boyf's house yeterday evening. She was downright rude, asking provocative questions in the way a spoilt 4yr old might. boyf dismissed as 'cabin fever' as she'd been in the house all afternoon(! he thinks she needs to be entertained the whole time). Well this morning she accused me of sitting in her seat (er what) which was another misguided plea for attention.

I'm afraid I made my excuses and left early. This kinda behaviour really makes me irate. From all kids. Even younger ones. It's just a thing I have

Boyf apologised, said he has had a big chat to her and we are going to chat face to face later. He got her to apologise on the phone but the poor child sounded confused about what she'd done.

My feeling is that she has not yet learned that the world doesn't revolve around her. And that she'll likely make misguided pleas for attention in future.

For this reason I want to tell boyf we are very different parents and I can't be around her very much any more.

I think it will really really upset him. And make our relationship feel unbalanced (because I'm a resident parent he has to spend time here more than vice versa).

AIBU?

[hoobypickypicky]

I'm hearing the OP say that the child's behaviour is a product of indulgent parenting. I don't hear the OP come across as authoritarian, merely as sensible.

I feel for you Handywoman. Of course your BF has to put his child first but she sounds extremely tiresome. I hope you and he can come to an understanding which makes everyone happy and improves the long term guidance he gives his daughter. The only alternative is for you to walk and leave them to it.

[Handywoman]

Thanks Needs and Hooby

[MayPolist]

I think the little girl is very anxious about the place of OP in her dad's affections.She is behaving like this because she wants reassurance that she is still number one with him, and he is doing everything he can to demonstate that she is.