To think this cat sitting is a bit much to ask

[Italiawithflair]

Ndn is going on holiday in June. We have previously cat sat for her which only involved going over 1x per day to check that the food machine had dispensed of the cat's dry food. This was no bother and I happily did this for the two weeks she was away.

So ndn came over a couple of days ago and asked if I could cat sit again as she was going away on holiday this week. I thought this was rather short notice (4 days before she goes away) but said yes immediately as I like to help out.

Yesterday she came to tell me that the cat now only eats wet food and that I will have to go over twice a day, morning and evening to actually give the cat food rather than just checking that there is food I the bowl. This involved washing the cat bowl and opening the can with yucky content and Will take much longer than what I thought I signed up for. I am a bit miffed that this is more committed net than what I had in mind.

Is she bu to expect this sort of service without flagging it before and without telling me what's involved?

I will do it this time but please tell me how to decline politely in the future.

[Italiawithflair]

She has two dc (9,7)

[VelvetRose]

On the face of it yabu but this is clearly part of a bigger picture. Feeding a cat twice a day next door is no big deal at all but asked at the last minute, assuming you will say yes and then given exacting instructions when the ndn is less than keen to help you out....I can see why you feel a bit reluctant.

I do all sorts of nice things for my neighbours and they do the same for us but everyone is respectful of each other and doesn't take that help for granted. I think that's the key.

[Italiawithflair]

"OP, think about it. Just because you have sex with someone once, doesn't mean you have to have sex with someone every time they want sex in future, does it?! Completely different scenario, obviously (!) but the same principle applies."

very true.

[AlternativeTentacles]

Make this the first time you say 'Sorry but no'. Honest, it will be fine. What can she do? Say she won't do you any favours...which it looks like she doesn't anyway?

[TheRealMaryMillington]

Sorry - cross posts.

I get you feel taken advantage of. But have you ever actually asked her to help you out?

ps cats ime don't deal well with portion control. It will eat it all and then be unwell (worse than a repeat visit?), and/or whingy and hungry at end of the day (unkind)

[AlternativeTentacles]

Thank you for trusting me enough to do it, but I will really struggle to find the time over the next 2 weeks. I hope you're able to find someone else."

Corrected for you. :)

[slithytove]

This would cost her £12 a day where I live. At a minimum.

Just saying.

We either use a cattery, but this time we are going for a paid cat sitter. She will do one visit a day to change the food, water and litter. We have disposable plates too. This costs £6 for a ten minute visit. (Very cheap!)

[NameChange30]

^ except that doesn't contain no, I can't / won't do it!
Might make her think OP will still do it I she can't find someone else.

[TheRealMaryMillington]

But you should feel no compunction to say yes, or any shred of guilt for saying no.

If you want to do a nice thing for somebody with no strings attached and no reciprocation do it for the cat (not the neighbour)

[MyPelvicFloorTrainsItself]

Cat food honks.

[yoursfan]

Oh no, what a terrible hardship to have to spend two minutes feeding a cat instead of one.

[Bellebella]

Don't you think you are exaggerating. You live next door, you go in and pour some food into a bowl. It's not a big commitment and will take 5 minutes.

Talk about being dramatic.

[AlternativeTentacles]

Oh no, what a terrible hardship to have to spend two minutes feeding a cat instead of one.

Yes it is a terrible hardship. Cat food stinks, and washing out a cat food bowl is a vile job. And the neighbour doesn't return the favours she gets. Hence the OP not wanting to put herself out any more. What's so hard to understand?

[Shouldof]

Yanbu to not want to do it, but 3 things that stand out that make you unreasonable,

If you don't want to do it you need to say no. You can't just agree to it and then moan about how you've been taken the piss out of and forced to do it. I hate the idea that no one should ever ask for even a small favour just because some people are unable to say no, that inabilkty is your problem,not neighbours.

Making unfounded inferences about your neighbours feelings when she sat your kids. You have no idea really what she was thinking, and if it was really inconvenient, she still did it even though it was rally inconvenient, that's pretty helpful, people can't help things being inconvenient.

Asking to look after your kids is a world away from feeding cats and watering plants in terms of responsibility. It's a much bigger responsibility, especially in the case of a toddler and a baby. I don't think you were unreasonable to ask her to do it, but I think it's unfair to compare it to asking someone to water plants, for example.

Sorry, that got longer than expected...

As Grange Hill told us, just say no

[Italiawithflair]

I like it emma.

[NameChange30]

Yeah I like it too but prefer the original unedited version because there is a clear no at the end:

"Thank you for trusting me enough to do it, but I really struggled to find the time over the last 2 weeks. I hope you're able to find someone else for next time because I won't be able to look after the cat."

[Justnapping]

YANBU. Getting any time to do anything when you have a toddler and a baby is a nightmare. And sounds like she is taking you for granted.

[flora717]

No litter tray? Going away in termtime? Not taking responsibility for her cat's care in advance? Surely that's smashing every MN rule.

[LapsedTwentysomething]

I think asking a neighbour to feed a cat is unreasonable full stop. I have done it for a neighbour I got on really well with - I offered myself though. They were going to put him in a cattery so I thought I'd spare them the expense. Same with another neighbour's chickens, but again I offered.

I think that if you have animals and are going on holiday though, you should expect to have to find accommodation for them, or pay someone to come and do it.

The neighbour whose cat I looked after was asked by someone else, via text, to look after their cats and rabbits the night before, while she was asleep. She didn't see it till she was at work the next day, and when she got home she realised the rabbit had been in a hot, glass lean-to all day without water. Not quite relevant maybe, but assumptions are cheeky and not in the best interests of the animal.

[Gabilan]

"How do you plan who looks after you pet when you go away?"

I have 2 cats who used to be feral so they're fairly hardy. There are about 4 people I can reasonably call on, including NDNs. They're the easiest because it's just next door and I can reciprocate by dog sitting. I give them as much notice as I can and don't mind if they say no, it's not convenient.

Cats have 1 serving sachets when I'm away. They lick their bowls clean. I have an electronic feeder so neighbours can give them wet food then leave dry food in the feeder for a later meal. These are farm cats not pets though ahaha they've stopped being feral the little blighters so it's a bit easier.

[controlaltdlete]

I think your neighbour is really cheeky to presume you'll do it at short notice, especially for 2 weeks. Sure, it's only 5 minutes but what if you were going away yourselves?

We plan our pet care as soon as we book a holiday. Our teenage neighbour used to do it for payment & we've used a cattery in the past.

I hate tins of pet food so suggest you'd advise her to get some sachets this time.

[BertrandRussell]

"I'm sorry- I found it harder than I thought it would be to feed your cats because of the wet food and finding times when I could come round with the children. I'll have to say no if you ask me again- sorry"

None of this "thank you for trusting me" stuff- it makes it into a huge deal- and it isn't.

Incidentally- it doesn't matter how she looked when you asked her to look after your child- she did it. It could have been massively inconvenient which is why her face went a bit - but she did it.

[ImNotMeImSomeoneElse]

Yabu to be annoyed at the short notice. You could have said no. You had that option and chose not to take it

As far as being asked about the increased length of time? While she should have explained in advance, it's such an insignificant length of time, generally speaking, that I can fully understand why it didn't occur to her to mention it.

So IMO the person you should be most annoyed at is yourself for agreeing at short notice when you clearly don't want to do it.

[AlternativeTentacles]

Yeah I like it too but prefer the original unedited version because there is a clear no at the end:

Mine is about the not doing it this time. It is ok to add 'I won't be able to do this' either at the beginning, the middle or the end.

Surely a loving pet owner sorts out something before they decide to go away, not as an afterthought.

[karbonfootprint]

Keep a stack of paper plates and a box of sachets at your place. Open sachet, squeeze on to plate, walk next door, unlock door, put plate on floor, pick up old plate and place in the bin. Depending on the length of their drive, I reckon 3 mins absolute tops.

And say it is difficult for you, and you don't want to be asked next time.

We use a woman who runs a pet sitting business, she plays with the cats, and cleans out the litter try every day as well. If she couldn't do it, we would ask friends and neighbours.