to think that if possible evrything should be shared 50/50 during a divorce

[bladibla]

Hi I am divorcing and I have not yet resolved the finances of the divorce. I was surprised that I did not get 50% of the childcare. I can only put it down to ExH living in our house and court favouring children staying in their original environment.
I currently struggle to pay my rent and this may have an impact on me seeing the children which would break my heart. I would like to get my share of the house so I can be in a stable position.
Dcs are complaining that they do not get days out to family attractions with me as they do with dad. I really can not compete.
Maybe I should also ask for 50% of his retirement, compensation for half of the content of the house and a share proportional to the amount of time I have the DCs from the child tax credit.
I was a stay at home mum for 10 year, so I have no retirement.
I cannot afford anything and I dread the day my car or washing machine will pack up as I really could not replace it.

[bladibla]

Good Charis, well done. But with such opinions you are probably single or at risk of becoming soon

[sparechange]

Guys, this is all getting a bit personal and off track...

[no73]

Christ its a bit nasty on here so quickly.

OP you have clearly left an abusive relationship, you need support and good legal advice. Try CAB if you haven't already. Have you actually been to court? I am assuming you have as you haven't got 50/50.

Has the financial aspect been sorted out? You are entitled to some of the value of the property but it might not get released until they are out of full-time education.

Sorry for the nasty vipers on here who don't merit SAHM's.

[guinnessguzzler]

Ptolemy, if you agree that their contributions were equal during the 10 years, I don't understand why you seem to think one of them should walk away from the relationship at the end with more eg pension?

[bladibla]

Women deserve to be respected. Saying that being a SAHM is a holiday is degrading and disrecpectful.

[PtolemysNeedle]

OP wants 50% of the entire pension, not just the pension that was earned during those ten years, when presumably her state pension contributions would have been protected because of child benefit.

We also don't know what each of them contributed to the house at the start of the marriage. I think in divorce arrangements each person should get back financially what they contributed at the start of the marriage.

[guinnessguzzler]

And what about what went in during the marriage?

[Owllady]

Some fantastic misogyny going on here
Poor op! :(

[PtolemysNeedle]

Then the children are the first concern obviously, and they should have to have their home sold out from under them so that their parents can divvy up the money between them, so it's complicated.

The house is still being lived in by those children, so it has to be taken out of the equation. Beyond that, and after each parent has got back what they contributed at the start of the marriage, they should get equal shares of any 'profit' for the amount of time that they were both contributing equally. But I do think it should be taken into account that a SAHP of school age children isn't contributing as much as their partner who is paying for the entire financial needs of the family, because childcare needs significantly reduce when children start school.

[foxinsocks]

that's not how it works Ptolemy

the house isn't 'taken out of the equation' and you don't look at who contributed what when you are married. All assets in a marriage are joint assets, including the house normally.

If one parent stays in the house with the children, the other parent who leaves still has to find housing and this is then normally the biggest financial consideration.

Usually, if the parent who stays in the house works and the house is the main asset in a divorce, there is normally a degree of paying the other parent a percentage of the equity (depending on how the assets get divided) so they are able to find housing for themselves.

[WienerDiva]

Bladibla, please get some legal advice. This doesn't sound right at all.

As for Charis and all the awful judgements she's spewing all over the place. Don't listen. Clearly the blood runs green in that one. And that's only because the opportunity has never come up so is passing comment on something they know naff all about.

[Charis1]

But with such opinions you are probably single or at risk of becoming soon

I asexual and have always been single. Why would you consider that a "risk?" To me it is the only way I could live.

[bladibla]

I have legal representation but I am not sure what I can ask or what I can be entitled to

[Charis1]

they know naff all about. what do I know naff all about? running a home? raising children?

[foxinsocks]

well if you have legal representation, you can ask your lawyer what they think you will be able to get

I am confused as to why you haven't done this tbh

what are they doing if they aren't giving you advice?

[bladibla]

I haven't yet started the process

[DayLillie]

Write down a list of questions, go through it until you are happy with it, and ask your lawyer.

If you left because of abuse, see if women's aid can give you any advice.

It might be worth going for a free half hour with other lawyers, and asking for recommendations from WA etc to see if you have the right one for you.

This does not sound right, and I don't see why you should not see your children 50% of the time if you have been their main carer.

[CatMilkMan]

Every divorce is different so you can't really say it should always be split 50/50.

[UptheChimney]

Maybe I should also ask for 50% of his retirement, compensation for half of the content of the house and a share proportional to the amount of time I have the DCs from the child tax credit. I was a stay at home mum for 10 year, so I have no retirement

You should have received a proportion of your former husband's pension in a proper financial settlement. Did you have a solicitor? Has it been a Court-awarded settlement/divorce? And what was the settlement of the house? You & your husband should have sold it & both bought smaller properties etc etc

It sounds as though you've been badly advised.

Mind you, this kind of story is why a woman should never give up her job. That was the best advice I was ever given.

[foxinsocks]

if it hasn't yet started, then why has the court decided the children will stay with their father in the house?

[foxinsocks]

upthechimney I got a far worse deal because I was working

[littlejohnnydory]

Charis, you obviously have an axe to grind. Some of us have made huge, huge sacrifices to stay at home with our children through real financial hardship. The childcare is equally the responsibility of both parents - so a sahp has avoided any of the working parent's wage being spent on childcare as well as any curtailment of his career as a result of having to juggle work and childcare. It also makes the sahp less employable in the future and reduces future earning potential, which needs to be reflected in any divorce settlement.

[littlejohnnydory]

Charis - mums who work outside the home can't possibly do everything a sahm does, plus work - because they are not doing it while they are at work. During that time someone else has to do it. You are being ridiculous. What's it like under that bridge, anyway?

[worridmum]

but isnt the OP experencing what the VAST majorty of NRP dad face? should NRP be able to claim MORE money from the house / from her pension because they dont get child benifet / child tax criedits and they have to pay up to 1/3 of the wage in CM? I think if the OP was male they would be getting a widly different response on here sadly the OP is now considered the NRP dispite her gender and should be given advice that would be given to a male NRP.

I for one would be glad for a time when men get residenceal and it considered less rare/wierd as it would move for a more equitable soicaty where men make sacrifices for raising children etc (this should be helped by bring pertentiy leave to the same standard as meritity leave because at the moment men can share the womens materity leave but they have zero of the legal protections that women have and thus is not really appilling for fathers to take it as they can be fired during their leave / their jobs no longer being their etc (which is protected if your female and you would near enough automatically win a tribunal case if the company was to break these protections)

[WienerDiva]

Bladibla, are you and your husband at separated status is nothing has happened legally? I thinks it's too vague for me to comment so my previous comment may not be correct. I understand you don't want to go into the details on here though. However getting legal advice needs to be a top priority right now.