AIBU to think that charging rent from a child whilst in finL year of A-levels is not on?

[Pony74]

Is this normal? Thank you.

[fiveacres]

I do think that in all but the most dire of financial situations it isn't on.

I also feel that 'teaching them the value of money' is not something that should be done by taking it from them (would you like it if someone did this to you? Because if my husband took money from me to teach me the value of it not because it was needed that would be financial abuse) and should be a lesson taught way, way WAY before turning 17.

[sykadelic]

Based on what you've told us, which is really nothing, it's not unreasonable.

Is the parent putting it aside for them?
Is the parent struggling at the moment and needs a bit of help?
Is the child working of their own accord?
Is the child paying of their own accord?

I see absolutely no problem working and paying rent, as long as it isn't interfering with study. I personally worked as soon as I was old enough and yes, started to pay my own way in small ways.

People are way too entitled these days. Go out and earn your way in the world. It's actually a really good idea to get them started before they leave home. They start to realise that it's possible to work AND study and still do well. To learn the value of a dollar and working hard. There are many pro's to doing it.

[Weebirdie]

I think its wrong.

There are different ways to teach youngsters about the real world without mugging them and I would still provide everything a parent should provide as well as let them keep their money. The youngsters is smart, doing A Levels, and is working at the same time. It sounds as if they're pretty sorted anyway.

People do go on about this 'they need to learn, they need to be taught, blah blah blah, and more often that not its just an excuse for parents to feel good about themselves and be rather hard hearted.

[Tequilashotsfor1]

mugging them?

[MidniteScribbler]

I wouldn't charge a child 'rent' as such while they are studying full time, although I'd certainly be expecting the to have a part time job and start budgeting for the luxury items.

On the other hand, I'm still tossing up with the idea of making DS pay a % of any income he makes when he is old enough for a part time job as board (just about 10-15% perhaps). Not for me, but to add to his saving account (without him knowing, he would think he's paying board). He would learn about budgeting for your living expenses, but also have that money going in to the savings account I already have for him which will be a house deposit in the future (he will know nothing of this account until I choose to give it to him). I've got many years to make the decision yet, but I do think there is value in this approach.

[PoppyFleur]

I was never charged rent by my parents whilst I was still studying & as the students parents will still be receiving child benefit, I think it is mean.

To those that have said they charge their children rent to teach them about money, is this working? My PIL took this approach with all 4 of their DC & it did not work. My parents, who were not well off whilst I was growing up, taught me the value of money from a young age. It's not a lesson that should be left until teenage years but something taught as part of everyday life IMHO.

[AnnagrammaHawkins]

we take 15% of all earnings whilst in education and 30% if not from our children who work and live at home. The 15% is then put into savings accounts for their 21st birthdays. This is to help them learn to budget responsibly early on and understand making regular savings contributions. Once they start paying 30% then 20% goes toward their living expenses within the house and 10% continues to go into the savings. They still save money by living at home vs out of the home but learn the value of making sure their bills/savings are covered before disposable income.

[NRomanoff]

Since you sure of the Childs exact age, I would imagine you don't know enough about the situation in general.

The parents may have valid reason for charging rent from a possibly 18 year old girl. They may be saving it up for her, she may call it rent but actually be paying them back for something.

Really unless you know the ins and outs yabu to judge.

[IfYouWereARiverIdLearnToFloat]

This thread is hilarious.

Mugging and financial abuse are not equatable with taking a few pounds from a teenager to teach them about managing their money.

I'd bet most teenagers are completely ignorant about what it actually takes to run a house. I paid rent & still found it a struggle when I bought my own place. But I had the ability to budget because I'd been made to.

[msgrinch]

I paid my parents rent (a tiny amount) from when I had my first after school job at 14. when I worked full time this increased. I'd expect the same from ds.

[JsOtherHalf]

I had a part time job during sixth form, I saved almost every penny for university. What I did spend was usually for necessities eg new winter coat, travel to uni interviews etc.
My family were really struggling, but felt my money was mine.

[oddfodd]

I was never made to give my parents any money (they didn't need it - different if parents are struggling) and I left home at 17, rented with friends and saved a deposit to buys own flat.

[oddfodd]

Aargh stupid phone!

buy my own flat. My point was that there is not necessarily a correlation between being made to give a random contribution as a 'lesson' and an ability to budget in later life.

[newdawning]

I paid our familes mortgage for the summer after I did my GCSES. I worked full time in a shop and my mum was going through a messy divorce with 6 children and we were left without a penny. New to the area and we knew no one at all. My mum got a job soon after and gave me it all back. I paid rent of half my wages when I was at college but left home aged 17. I was ok giving my mum money when she needed it but felt like she was taking the piss once she was settled, I also did A LOT of childcare and housework. No wonder I dropped out of college to work full time.

My DH paid rent from the moment he left school at 16 to go to college to replace the benefit his mum lost. He also paid for all his own transport, to go on family holidays clothes etc. He was quite resentful of this tbh especially when his younger brother didn't have to pay a penny even when he moved his gf in.

I think that a small contribution is acceptable particularly if the family is struggling but IMO but personally I think buying their own clothes, paying for days/nights out is sufficient whilst studying. My brother work all the way through college and Uni and struggled to make ends meet he couldn't focus 100% on his studies though he did very well it was harder than it needed to be.

[WeAllHaveWings]

Its not just about learning to budget/handle money.

Its about an young adult contributing to the home, that's what adults do. Letting young adults keep all their income as pocket money for spending is infantilising them. They should be contributing financially (even if it is a nominal amount), they should be helping with cleaning the house, cooking dinner for others, doing washing etc etc as that's what adults do and you are guiding them towards becoming an independent adult. I don't think we are doing a young adult any favours by letting them become accustomed to having all their wages as disposable income.

[DrCoconut]

I wasn't even allowed to have a job during A levels let alone expected to pay rent. Opportunities with just a few hours on a weekend were rare, most part time jobs wanted flexibility, and my parents were adamant that weekdays were for study and family time. I can budget and know the value of money. We were hard up most of the time and so there was a culture of being careful, not wasting money/things etc. DS1 goes to college in September and I can't imagine charging him to live in his own family home.

[oddfodd]

WeAllHaveWings - sure, when they've left school. I absolutely agree with you. But if I were doing my A levels and spending my limited free time doing a few hours in a pub or whatever and my parents were taking half of it 'to teach me a lesson' (because let's not kid ourselves, that's what it is), then I wouldn't have bothered working. Why would you? You can't force a schoolkid to get a job.

Because my parents let me keep the money, I worked every single summer from the age of 15. And when I was working full time and had left school, I contributed to the household financially. Chores are an entirely separate matter and I agree entirely that children need to start doing those from a youngish age.

And just to reiterate, I'm not talking about families who are on their knees in terms of cashflow.

[grannytomine]

I didn't and after uni they came home and lived free for a few months while they got settled into jobs, bought first car, work clothes etc. I wouldn't have expected money from them when they were at school but I accept not everyone can afford this. If parents are getting child benefit or any other sort of benefit for the child I think it is wrong.

It reminds me of my dad taking me to his home country when I was a kid. Sitting round the table they were asking him about England. I still remember their shock when he told them English people sent their kids out to deliver newspapers to earn money. This was a poorer country and they all accepted kids working on the family farm, helping at home etc but the idea that an 11 or 12 year old would go out and deliver papers in the early morning was a shocking idea to them.

Different cultures, different viewpoints.

I don't really get the taking money off them to teach them to manage money, my kids had pocket money paid into a bank account and had debit cards from 11. They had money paid in monthly and as they got older they had more control e.g. at 11 it was for comics, sweets etc by 18 it included money for a mobile, clothes, lunches. If they spent it they did without for the rest of the month. By A levels they were all good at managing their money, for example they could have x amount for lunch money or a slightly smaller amount and basic lunch stuff provided. They became very good at juggling making themselves a sandwich but buying favourite pudding at school. If they didn't get up early enough to make the sandwich they had to go hungry or spend "their" money.

[grannytomine]

I think I would be a bit underwhelmed if my parents had taken money off me and saved it and then presented it to me when I reached a certain age. Are they expected to be grateful for the "gift" of their own money?

[Mehitabel6]

I was the same grannytomine and they lived rent free after university until they got a job.

[Pony74]

Yes I agree. It maybe because my mum's Greek and that has influenced me, but the though of charging my child rent at any age makes me feel sick. It's her home ffs as much as it is mine.

The girl in question is being charged rent and it's not being saved up for her. the mum has 4 other kids so maybe she does really need it. But I couldn't believe it when I heard so thought I'd ask you lot.

Thanks for your responses anyway.

[startrek90]

YANBU I had to work 30 hours a week as well as doing my a-levels. My step dad took half my wages and refused to help me with anything. I had to buy my own food clothes books etc... I was also expected to do chores too (he did nothing, think 1950s man). It literally nearly killed me at 18 I had a mental breakdown and he threw me out. I am rebuilding my life now (I'm 24) but I do not speak to him or my sister (who did not have to do anything despite earning 3 times more than me) and it took a toll on my relationship with my mum. I have a son now and I am determined to treat him with dignity. I will never get over my tutor buying me shoes because my SD took my wages and I could not afford new ones...my SD just laughed at the holes in my shoes and handed me some tape

[Sazzle41]

Unless there are really terrible money issues for the family I think its really mean. Teen years socially and academically are a heck of a lot to cope with and rent on top of that - when you arent working full time? Bad. And as pp's have said: Grabby with capital G.

[MrsCookieMonster]

I don't think it is unreasonable if the teenager is working. I worked part time from when I was 15 and always gave money to my parents not as 'rent' but as a contribution to the household I lived in which I think is a valuable lesson. We didn't have loads of money but I don't think we would have starved without the minimal money I gave but it was more about principle.
Having said that my mam did save a lot of money for me and gave it to me in later years and always lent me money etc when I needed it although I would always pay it back. As I said depends on the circumstances but nothing wrong with it in theory.

[MrsCookieMonster]

And I think calling it grabby is ridiculous, maybe they need the money or maybe they want to teach the child the value of money. Either way it is not grabby.