To think that I must be a very lax parent?

[ImNameyChangey]

DH has a load of wooden pallets in the garden...he'd piled them up to use later in the week on a project.

He realised as he piled them that DD aged 7 would definitely climb up the pile so he took care to make it into a safe pile...sturdy and solid...not wobbly...then he put a bag of sand at the base for her to jump off onto.

We never invited her to climb on it...we just knew she would. Sure enough later on I saw that she'd discovered it and was climbing up and jumping off...it's not a high pile...comes up to her waist tops.

Anyway...looking out of the window I head the next door neighbour calling out over the fence "Ooh don't do that! Don't climb up on that! Ooh you'll get splinters!"

So I called out "it's fine...she's ok" and the neighbour said "Oooh I don't know how you cope!"

So I said "What do you mean?" (even though I knew what she meant)

And she said "Well...she's a rogue! Always climbing!"

So I said "And? She's not made of glass...she's ok....Carry on DD!"

WIBU? AIBU to let her do things like that?

[ProvisionallyAnxious]

This is a really fascinating read, though quite lengthy: www.theatlantic.com/features/archive/2014/03/hey-parents-leave-those-kids-alone/358631/

[lunalelle]

You're not lax, you're sensible. I mean, I would have a net around a trampoline, just because I used to trampoline and we had two people break their arms by falling off in one session - this was before nets were commonplace! But I was brought up in a farming community in a rural area and we did all sorts of stuff. Better than watching TV.

If anything, it's good that you can predict her movements :)

[crustsaway]

I applaud you. If she got a splinter then she would think twice about doing it again How on earth do people think children learn?

[Coyoacan]

I certainly don't believe in exposing children to mad risks. Why not have a net around a trampoline for example?

As for the toddler on the slide, I live on the other side of the world and unfortunately most slides here are surrounded by concrete, so the damage to a child can be extremely serious.

I certainly would not curtail a child's fun because of the risk of splinters.

[WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat]

I would love to be less of a worrier/hoverer around my dcs. I have four boys ranging from 2-11yrs, and I can be a bit of a nervous wreck. Tbf, despite being as careful as possible, we've had a few really nasty accidents - burst frenulum, three times in my three year old! (Apparently once it's gone once, it's almost definite that it will happen again), a goose egg on ds1s head at soft play, (I fainted), badly damaged front baby teeth , and a concussion from somersaulting into our swimming pool. And that's with two really careful neurotic parents right there at the time. I suppose that should show me that my helicopter parenting doesn't really help, (and I am getting better). I'm just a really anxious person generally, and that spills over into my parenting.

[Marshy]

As it happens mine are both over 18 now so I'm finished with shit catching for a while

[Marshy]

Of course it does. But that does absolve us of the responsibility for trying to catch the shit before it hits the child.

[Marshy]

Err.. not silly to have reasonable regard for the health and safety of your offspring. Accidents happen of course and children need to test their boundaries and explore.

Competitive lack of regard and bravado on this thread however...

[rosedavo]

Lol kids play and climb things, you knew she would and made a point of making it safe - just ignore the neighbour!! A rogue....what a stupid thing to say!

[MrsNextDoor]

Marshy that's a bit silly! I'm sure the parents of the MANY children who break things and get gashes whilst doing ordinary playing would not like to hear you say that. Of course the parents of ALL kids who get injured are not bad parents!

[SouthWestmom]

I bet the concerned lady in the pub wasn't worried about the kids but just thought they might damage the tree. I'd be a bit judgy of someone letting their kids climb trees in a pub garden.
And nothing to be proud of not having a net round a trampoline. Some of this self congratulation is a bit odd.

[Marshy]

A bit of a graze or scratch, fair enough. Lesson learned, no harm done.

But bleeding and broken, ha ha..I'm sorry but no...that's just parent not really bothering

[MrsNextDoor]

Marshy but you just can't all of the time. My children would be if I hovered whilst they climbed etc. That means that sometimes they fall and bleed.

[Marshy]

Broken or bleeding badly ffs

Call me old fashioned but I have always tried to avoid this with my own dc if at all possible, y'know by supervising them and whatnot....

[DoJo]

I think I'm much more risk averse when it comes to other people's children - I know exactly what my son is capable of and I know that he is pretty good at assessing risk himself (oddly enough, for a child who doesn't really believe in gravity!). But if I saw someone else's child, even if they were doing something I know my son could do, I would be more likely to worry because I wouldn't know how confident they are and I would rather be safe than sorry if I'm not the one who will have to be picking splinters out of their behinds!

[Stealthsquiggle]

We do have a net on the trampoline, because it allows me to feel that I do not need to supervise the DC so closely. They also have a climbing frame, a slackline and assorted trees. They know to come and find a parent if someone is broken or bleeding badly.

School have a similar attitude, except that sticks are banned because they too often turn into weapons. Hills are for rolling or sledging down. In fact, I once made the mistake of asking DD why her school coat looking as though she had been rolling down muddy hills in it. Answer: "because I have been rolling down muddy hills in it"

[ragged]

I have a small bee in my bonnet about children who aren't allowed to take physical risks. Like leaping & climbing & so on. It's very good for them to test themselves physically, to take risks and conquer risks -- and to fail but learn from those failures and try again. I feel sorry for kids who are discouraged from taking risks.

I'm usually the parent shouting "Hold on tight!" while my kids have shimmied up to the highest point in a playground or the nearest tree.

[Charis1]

It's fine to be lax, and it fine to be careful, it is up to you.

Generally, larger families, or cultures that have larger families naturally are less risk adverse, because there are more children, so a smaller % of the population is lost in one death.

Smaller families, or cultures of smaller families are far more careful, as far more resources are committed to each individual child reaching adulthood.

This difference happens at a fundamental biological level, but is a description of an overall population rather than individuals.

As an individual parent, be as careful or otherwise as you are comfortable with, but there isn't an overall right or wrong, or better or worse parenting, or reason to be proud of being more one or the other.

it is entirely down to what you can live comfortably with.

[StellaAlpina]

She'll have a great time!

I was well jealous when my brother got to chop up a load of wooden crates (by jumping on them) for a bit of pocket money.

[manicinsomniac]

Good grief, your neighbour would hate me. My kids have been in local woods unsupervised all afternoon - I haven't got a clue what they were climbing and am probably happier not knowing!

[MrsNextDoor]

WheresTheLight at the older couple! My SILs baby is the same...he's also 20 months and seems to think it's acceptable to get into his grandads shed and carry saws and screwdrivers about while Grandad looks on with a vague proud smile on his face! To be fair he Is a good climber but my heart sometimes leaps when he scales stuff bigger than him.

[wheresthelight]

Haha brilliant!

my dd is 20 months and obsessed by climbing - she scared the living daylights out of me at a local park a few weeks back as she scaled the massive slide and then proceeded to come down it and try and stand up halfway down nearly catapulting herself off it. I gasped but the elderly couple behind me uttered the immortal line "fucking hell" which made me howl! especially as they then proceeded to apologise to all in ear shot. she does it that often I have stopped worrying, she is relatively safe but other people clearly have a lower threshold for what is safe for kids to do

mind I say that as someone whose dad was a guinea pig for butterfly stitches in the late 50's/early 60's when he took a nose dive head first off one of those high slides that then had cages fitted to the top

[ImNameyChangey]

I don't mind her being called a rogue by the way...she IS a rogue. Some people try to protect their children far too much....they don't need to include mine in that.

[ashtrayheart]

There's a lot of these people around. We were in a local pub garden today, popular with families and dog walkers. My dds were climbing a tree and a concerned lady was worried that the branches didn't look sturdy enough. 'We will soon find out' I merrily replied !