I've finally plucked up the courage to report my DS's father for rape. It happened when I first found out I was pregnant.
I don't count the time he inserted it into my anus as he stopped when I cried, he was drunk I said no but it's not rape is it?
It happened once or twice I've kind of blocked it out and the sexual assault once or twice
I said something when I reported him for harassment in October 2011 and I was told he didn't class it as rape and to forget about it, because of this I didn't mention it again as there wasn't any point. And he told me they wouldn't believe me and they didn't 
He's got away with harassment and stalking since then, and now I'm pregnant again it's just been playing on my mind so I said something the woman was lovely I cried a bit but she helped and asked if I felt a bit better.
I don't know what I'm doing really I just need handholding I think. I'm irrationally parinoid that they'll think I've made it up and then I'll be in trouble I think I've hid this for so long I actually feel bad for now saying something I haven't spoke about it with anyone until recently when I told two people. I've done the right thing right?
AIBU?
*Trigger* I'm not being U am I?
NameChangedJustForThis1425 · 11/02/2015 17:12
DP will be at work but I'd most probably be better off doing it on my own tbh I've already written it down and I'll print it off to bring with me. I was surprised at how long it took me to remember the before bit iyswim? I could remember what happened and the fact Id said no and that didn't make a difference but the lead up and after mouth Id suppressed
I'll know I'll end up forgetting something that happened but I don't know if they'll allow me to take it in there?
Can I suggest that this is maybe the first time you've cried over this because you've been concentrating on being the strong one for so long? Being the "tough cookie" can sometimes come with some self imposed responsibilities - you don't necessarily look after yourself, you look after other people instead. For example, your lovely ds - do you think you might have been trying to protect him from what you went through? And your dp - on some level, do you think you might be trying to protect you both from revealing what happened?
There was a theory I found out about many years ago - my DSis went through counselling and this was taught to her. Inside us there are two versions of "me" - think a big sister and a little sister. The little sister tends to be the questioning one, the one who doubts herself, the one who doesn't quite believe that she's gone through an awful time. The older sister is the voice of reason, the advisor, the one who tells it like it really is.
Now I'm not saying that older sisters have any sort of advantage over little sisters - it's purely a way of distinguishing two people inside you (despite bein an older sister it's my little sis who keeps me grounded! 
) but what do you think the older/big you would say to the younger/little you? It's just another way of looking at what you would advise someone else to do, but somehow it feels a bit more personal when you think of it as what you would advise yourself to do.
In terms of Facebook, him spouting his rubbish and his lies and his manipulation - keep away from it as much as you possibly can. Do you have a support network around you? His behaviour has been so abhorrent and you've been through so much, are there people who know part of the story so far that you can surround yourself with?
fox honestly this is helping a lot and I can't thank you enough for that!
That is very true, I feel I've kept up this "nobody can hurt" me persona for so long now that 'I'm the tough cookie' so nothing bad can happen to me and if it does i just won't mention it or I'll down play it to it can't be that bad but I never let myself accept and deal with the bad things that have happened.
Honestly if this was anyone else I'd tell them they've done the right thing, not to feel bad for years he's gotten away with it and you've nothing to be ashamed off. It wasn't your fault (and that is what I need to realise it wasn't my fault and I do most probably need to deal with it instead of locking it away)
For some reason I'm worried about if he finds out I reported it, he will be mad and deny it, go to facebook, tell all of his friends etc I know that and that is what is playing on my mind. I know he'll say "If it was true you would of reported it before now and you're only doing it to ruin my life and I'm not like that" but I kick myself for not making them believe it right at the beginning this is the first time I've honestly cried over this
It's perfectly okay fox really 
I've only told the housing lady, the police and my DP that I was raped. I've never told them exactly what happened, not even my DP he just knows that I was raped and I'd rather not talk about so we don't bring it up. I've never spoken to anyone professional about the DV, EA or this I usually just keep this stuff to myself as it seems easier IYSWIM?
Thank you fox really
It doesn't matter that he stopped OP. It matters that he started when you said NO. Or that he continued, even for a few minutes after you said NO. That's what makes it rape.
Hang in there.
Thank you both
fox thank you, really. you made me cry haha I'm hoping this will put an end to things especially the harassment and stalking, I really do x
Oh Wrapped
Oh sweetheart I'm so sorry to see its you
I wouldn't wish anything like this on anyone, but for me you stand out as one of MNs "lovely" posters. I wish you weren't going through this
You have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about, this is not your fault.
You have so completely done the right thing. This bastard deserves to be strung up by the gonads. It has taken a huge amount of strength and courage to do what you've done. You've done so, so well and you should be incredibly proud of yourself x
Thank you all
Don't know what happened to my NC, I only changed it as I was embarrassed and i shouldn't be really
I saw a story on the BBC site today that mentioned (in passing) that many police officers don't have a proper understanding of sexual assault. The police officer who said it wasn't rape was just plain wrong. If you say no and the man continues anyway, that's rape. It's not actually all that difficult to understand, so it's very worrying that some police officers still seem to misunderstand it.
The person who said it wasn't rape in his book was a police officer not DS's dad
You've done the right thing. Be kind to yourself, and be proud of yourself, too.
Good luck, OP.
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