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AIBU?

To not let DD demand money with menaces?

81 replies

IAmAllImportant · 10/01/2015 14:02

DD is 9 and is pretty obsessed with loom bands!

DP is 50 and pretty obsessed with rugby!

So far, so driving me crazy good!

One day DD asked if she could take her loom bands to the rugby club, so she had something to do. The kids have all been going to the club since they were tiny, so are pretty much free range!

It took quite some time for me to realise she had been selling her loom bands to the big hairy arsed rugby players. All fine, all fairly drunk good natured!

The next time we were at the club she did it. Again, fine! She told me after she waited till the men had had a drunk and were 'being silly', before selling them! My thoughts were that Alan Sugar would be proud!

We have come again and told her she can bring her loom bands and do them but not harrass people! Not really sure she was actually harassing people but just in case!

She had brought them, showed off over the £2 she made selling a couple! Then been rude to the steward/barman, saying 'See,I told you I could sell them' in a mocking tone of voice! She has been put in time out, loom bands surgically removed and locked in the car! She has also been made to apologise!

She thinks I am being unreasonable! What do you think?

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IAmAllImportant · 11/01/2015 16:10

Uni fees will be paid by the NHS, if things remain as they are! Yes, she does have it all mapped out!

Yes, I read glitters post and re/read what had been said! Sad

I'll live! Grin

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Laquitar · 11/01/2015 14:12

GlitterBelle
that made me smile too.
OP have you read Glitter's post, the other poster didn't call you yummy mumny.

Anyway on the plus side you don't have to worry about Uni fees or house deposit. Your dd will sort it out all! Tbh i like the sound of her.And at least she doesnt ask money for 'challenges'. She does pure selling :P

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IAmAllImportant · 11/01/2015 13:26

depeche, what a long and well thought out post. Thank you for taking the time and trouble. I do think DD does repeat what she has previously seen as successful behaviours. At home she will often do something that makes us laugh, then do it again. She is baffled that we don't necessarily find it funny a second time.

I am going away this afternoon until Friday. I think I will get her sorting things she no longer plays with, get her to take photos on her phone, research new price and decide realistic selling price. Then we can put things on the local buying and selling pages next weekend.

By contrast, what a nasty and short post by grocklebox!!!

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grocklebox · 11/01/2015 13:07

I think you have the ! and . keys mixed up, OP, either that or you type like a hysterical tweenager.

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depecheNO · 11/01/2015 12:38

I assumed from the OP that your DD had misinterpreted "You can't" (an instruction) as "You can't" (a challenge), which you have now confirmed. I'm autistic, so I have to work hard on interpretation myself. I agree that this sort of thing is a laugh the first time but more tacky and annoying on subsequent occasions, although Young Depeche thought it totally OK to sell her grandmother's own tap water back to her! If your DD has similar difficulties, perhaps she needs to find ways to vary things up a bit to keep people engaged. It sounds like she's very confident, active and chatty, which is great, but maybe she relies too heavily on topics and behaviours which entertained people the first time because they've been "proven" to work, IYSWIM. I think the line between social butterfly and insufferable bore is actually much finer than people suggest, and if she can get the hang of this now she will have a lot less stress at secondary whether or not popularity becomes important to her.

My sympathies on the hyperactivity, though! The ebay idea is very entrepreneurial, stays on the right side of begging, and I'm sure she'll get a huge kick out of selling unwanted toys for amounts of money most adults would find disappointing. There are so many useful skills which she won't realise she's learning - she can look at the way advertisers display and photograph their products to give a good impression, work out what to put in the description, and find out from you which tactics are acceptable when trying to close a sale. (We had a thread just last week about people begging on Facebook "free stuff" pages.) Maybe she would enjoy some of those TV shows about how people get scammed - they make for brag-worthy "grown up" viewing while also being educational, teaching us how to be safe with our money and possessions, and letting us explore our feelings around theft and coercion without having to be involved in anything nasty. That might give a context she is hopefully unlikely to be aware of from her own experiences and help her to understand how the behaviour of others informs the judgements people make about her. I think I'm being a bit overenthusiastic, but it is a shame that there's nothing like this in the curriculum.

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IAmAllImportant · 11/01/2015 04:40

Kewcumber, that is exactly what it's like, minus the pro team!

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Kewcumber · 10/01/2015 23:54

I'm a rugby club'er too and still snorting at the idea of a rugby club in daytime being unsuitable for children!

Most rugby clubs are like a time warp into my childhood in the 70's - lemonade and gangs of kids trying to climb up the middle of a 20 ft hedge to see who can win and disappearing together to be spies.

We are lucky enough to have a professional team attached to our club and a nicer bunch of toothsome young men I've yet to meet. Even with the odd pint in them. They are so good with the kids it has to be seen to be believed - I have a theory its because they are almost children themselves.

I would live there if I could.

Better not let DS get wind of the selling loombands idea - it's just the kind of thing he'd try.

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ArsenicFaceCream · 10/01/2015 23:40

She's on the barmans turf.

He's selling his loom bands there and she's taking over.

Derek Grin

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GlitterBelle · 10/01/2015 23:35

Athyrium wasn't calling you a yummy mummy, OP - she was saying others judge you, yet wouldn't bat an eye-lid at a yummy mummy looking after their child at home while getting drunk (i.e. supporting you).

Honestly, I don't get threads like this. You begin by saying what happened and the actions you took as a result - you told her to stop. You then get comment after comment saying - you are completely unreasonable, you should have made her stop, she's annoying everyone, etc.

You're like uh, I did tell her to stop, as was said initially, just wanted to check it was the right thing. As a result get more comments saying you can't control her and are a bad parent.

Argh! Anyway, sounds like you did exactly the right things and I hope you find a way to redirect her energies. Also hope you get a diagnosis soon - it can be such as lomg and frustrating process for any condition.

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DeWee · 10/01/2015 23:02

I had a similar situation.

I was playing tennis at a club session and dd2 and ds (10yo and 6yo at the time) took their loom bands down. Many of the people playing were slightly older and hadn't come across loom bands before and were fascinated.
When I came off court, dd2 told me that they were planning on selling them in aid of "her" charity. I told her that she could give them away but if she wanted to sell them then she had to ask permission of the owner-just as a shop does or a street hawker. I said if they made enough then we could hire a stall at a Christmas fair (there's one place round her you can hire them for 5)

They had just as much fun going round and offering them and asking what colours they wanted.

The thing is that most of the people there are lovely and they would have seen two sweet little children and paid out, probably more than sensible just because they were asking. Dd2 could also sell a fire extinguisher to the devil, so a bit of an unfair sales pitch there. Grin

I know I've been in the situation where a child has asked me to buy something they've made which I don't want, and I've felt under a lot of pressure to buy because you don't want to disappoint them. It's worse if you know the parents in some ways because you tend to assume that the parent knows and is happy with it and, in some cases will get afronted if you don't buy.

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IAmAllImportant · 10/01/2015 21:07

They do not have the time either. No 1 is not her big sis, she is big sis of No2. No1 has 2 of her own anyway.

No2 is 19, recently wed and working full time and full on. Lives a few miles away.

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Waitingonasunnyday · 10/01/2015 21:00

OP I think you've had a hard time here! Your DD sounds great and you're right to nip this in the bud -
Once or twice is fine but the novelty wears off.

eBay shop is a great idea though if her big sisters could help out?

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IAmAllImportant · 10/01/2015 20:52

Massa, you totally have the measure of her! I may well steer her in that direction!

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IAmAllImportant · 10/01/2015 20:51

MrsT lovely idea, but I really do not have the time! I am a student nurse and busy busy busy!

I could advertise stuff easily but never send it. DP is equally busy!

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MassaAttack · 10/01/2015 20:49

That's an excellent idea MrsT.

Also if she's crafty (as is good at making stuff - I'm sure she's the other meaning of the word at times too Wink ) could she make and sell greetings cards or the like? Perhaps to rugby club members?

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MrsTawdry · 10/01/2015 20:40

Open an Ebay shop on her behalf OP....let her sell her old toys on it and things. You help her manage it.

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MassaAttack · 10/01/2015 20:38
Grin
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IAmAllImportant · 10/01/2015 20:27

Is there a way she could work with the barman? I suppose glass collecting isn't ideal for a 9 year old

So not answering in a logical way! No, she could not. People are only given actual proper glasses if they are known to the barman and promise on their life they will return said glass to the bar themselves.

Other people are given plastic glasses, they have to put them in the bin!


I am a good girl, I always get a glass! Grin

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IAmAllImportant · 10/01/2015 20:16

She does a lot of different things, martial arts, craft stuff, etc. She bakes and 'helps' me a lot in the kitchen.
Good sound advice there though MissHJ! Thank you, need to put my thinking cap on.

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MissHJ · 10/01/2015 20:10

Is there another hobby she can get into. My brother was pretty much like your dd. He was quite possibly the most full on kid I have ever met. No one would watch him and he was at times a nightmare. So his school suggested getting him into calmer hobbies so he got into chess, science and magic. Really helped him, just make sure you DD can't sell it. She does remind me of my brother though. He is now 15 and while a lot better, he shows magic tricks in London for tips. He makes loads because in his words he goes for the obvious tourists Grin

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IAmAllImportant · 10/01/2015 20:09

I like the sound of your daughter op. She is pretty awesome. I just need to get her to adulthood without killing her! Grin

She will be an amazing adult, who has a lot to give to the world! not just chuffing loom bands

She is so kind and caring, she has so much energy. She wants to be a paramedic. I think she could do it!

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MassaAttack · 10/01/2015 20:04

Is there a way she could work with the barman? I suppose glass collecting isn't ideal for a 9 year old.... I dunno, I like the sound of your daughter op. There must be a way to channel all this spirit in a less irritating way.

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IAmAllImportant · 10/01/2015 19:51

MrsT, good idea, but a bit far away, the walk would wear her legs to stumps! Hmm, disability people can see................... that's a good selling point.........................Maybe you are right!

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DixieNormas · 10/01/2015 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IAmAllImportant · 10/01/2015 19:49

Athyrium, I think I love you!

Not just for your whole lovely reply but for describing me as a yummy mummy, for the first and most inappropriate time ever! It was muddy, it was wet and windy, I was cold and shivery and had no make up on. I am not even sure I brushed my hair this morning before scraping it up into a pony tail!

Clearly I am not out to impress when I go there. Grin

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