To be totally petrified of driving the school run?

[marne2]

I drive a lot, I drive over 10,000 miles a year and rarely have any problems but the school run has got me so angry.

We live in a village, my dd's go to a small school, loads of parents feel the need to drive to school even though they live less then 2 minutes walk away, I live quite far ( edge of village ), my dd's have slight mobility issues meaning we can't walk. I have to get to school early to park ( as the people that live 2 minutes away have left half an hour early to park outside the school gates, it's raining and they don't want little billy to get cold ). At the end of the road there is no pavement but there is a footpath that passes through the church so people don't have to walk on the road.

Anyway, yesterday someone pulled out of a junction ( one of the mums that really could walk to school ) and almost drove into my car, luckily I was going slow and managed to beep my horn as she was about to hit me. She then got shitty with me in the playground as apparently 'I was not there when she pulled out', I was travelling along a straight bit of road doing 20mph when she pulled out, she looked right at me before she pulled out. This really shook me up and scared the dc's.

Today it is raining so even more people driving in, I get there early but still have to park half a mile away, it takes me 10 minutes to get back out, I get to the end of the road where there's traffic trying to come both ways and there's a parent walking her children along the road and not using the footpath, there's not really enough room for 2 car to pass but I'm being pushed along by the traffic and being waved through, I have to squeeze past the parent and her child ( who is waving his hands around and dancing in the road ), the mother starts shouting at me as I'm getting quite close to said child, I can't really stop as another car is trying to squeeze through the other way, the child is totally oblivious and carts on. I left him plenty of room to keep walking sensibly along the road but WTF don't people use the footpath, even the school keeps sending out reminders not to walk along the road and to use the path. Now I look like a bad driver because I almost hit her child ( the child is 10 years old and should be able to walk sensibly anyway).

I'm now petrified to do the school run, my car was hit a few months ago whilst sat outside the school, I have had many near misses whilst my car has been stationary. There's also those parents who think they can get up there late and park where the hell they like, this includes parking in the bus stop, in front of people's drive ways, on verges or blocking off the whole road stopping bigger things ( including ambulances) getting through.

I'm now so scared to go up there that I will have to park half a mile away and walk,. I know it's not the end of the world, my dd will find walking a struggle but she will cope.

Am IBU to be so fed up with it? Are all school runs this bad?

[marne2]

Choc, if you read my posts I have said that I don't feel I put the child at risk, there was plenty of room, the mother was just panicking because maybe she thought I was going to turn towards the child. I feel I left enough space.

I'm not angry at the school for the parking situation, there's not much they can do, why should the man the parking, it's not their job, I'm angry at the people that continue to park where they shouldn't just so they don't have to walk as far ( the bus stop, close to the junction, blocking the school gate and blocking the road ). Last year a ambulance could not get through due to a land rover parking half on the pavement on the opposite side to another parked car, the ambulance had to wait for the driver to be found so they could get through. People just don't think.

[BitOutOfPractice]

Of course you should have stopped. It is very poor driving to feel pushed or forced to do something wrong because there's cars behind you or whatever.

Just be aware as well, before you rant and rave about the lazy parents who live nearby going by car that
a. you have no idea of any issues that they or their kids may have
b. you have no idea what their schedule is in terms of being elsewhere after drop off. For instance, they may have to be at work 5 miles away 20 minutes after drop off - no time to get home and pick car up or whatever. Things are rarey as black and white as you portray

But yes, I would look into the badge if it's stressing you out this much

[ChocLover2015]

Op you used the term 'squeezed' you cannot rely on pedestrians especially if they are only ten, to walk sensibly
Also other people have just as much right to drive to school as you have!

[Wotkinz]

My children go to the same school as yours Marne2 and unfortunately a blue badge won't be of any use to you. We have one for my son, and it doesn't allow you to park on school markings. I still do from time to time (sorry!) Perhaps I am the person who makes you so cross.
Best suggestion I have is to park in the pub carpal and walk two or three minutes.
Totally sympathise with the hideous parking situation. We get there half an hour early at pick up time as we drive in from SN.

[marne2]

Thank you Wotkinz, I'm sure it's not you that has annoyed me, most people are sensible it's just one or 2 that seem to think they can park where they like , I was just having a bad few days and needed to rant about it, you probably know who I am from my description of the dd's . I will be parking in the pub this morning after preparing dd2 ( as small changes can upset her ). We did try for a badge for dd2 but didn't get one even though she claims the mobility part of DLA, she can walk fine, it's dd1 that struggles due to hypotonia but it wouldn't make any difference if we had a badge, I'm sure a disabled space would not be provided as they havn't provided for others.

I am calmer today and I'm sure parking in the pub will save me getting stressed .

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

It is stressful. Sorry you are upset.
However

1. Pedestrians have priority. Dont allow other drivers to pressure you into forgetting that
   
2. Its not your place to decide who may or may not drive to school. We live very close to ds school. On my days off we walk. Its super easy. When i am working dh drives him there. He works from home and the additional time makes a big difference to him. Some ppl might drive in the rain because they have somewhere else to be afterwards, or another child and not want them to get drenched.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

I too have been shouted at on a school run. Very upsetting.

[marne2]

Sorry to the people who think I shouldn't judge, I am judging because I know the woman in question, she lives just down the road, she's a SAHM ( like me ), she loads her kids into her car, drives a few yes to the school and then drives straight home after ( she doesn't go to work, yes there are probably days where she goes shopping which is fair enough ), if I lived where she lived I would walk every day rather than have to get to school really early to park near the gates. I'm not judging the people that are on their way home from work as I know a lot of people do go off to work, most of these park sensibly.

Anyway, I have moved on, I have made the situation easier by not parking near the school to save me the stress.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

Yes some ppl are thoughtless. It is frustrating.

[Nicknacky]

Forget about the woman that drives and you don't feel she should. She is one driver out of many so you would still have the issues even if she walked.

Parking issues are annoying but forget about them once you have negotiated the hazards at the school.

[Theboodythatrocked]

It does seem to bring out the worst in people for sure.

Where we are the kids go to middle school at 9 and from then on it's a free council run school bus up until the end of high school. Stops at the end of our road. Bloody brilliant.

We need more school buses.

[Wotkinz]

You are pretty identifiable, sorry. If it helps any you always look so calm that I can't believe anything ever ruffles your feathers.

As for the woman who got shitty with you in the playground, I think you should squirt her with a fruitshoot. That'll teach her ;)

[Wotkinz]

Ps, the morning school run stresses me so greatly that I rarely do it. Which is why I have the luxury or MNing from the bath at 8.50 :)

[BitOutOfPractice]

It amazes me that people seem to know so much detail about other people's lives, health, work situation etc etc and judge accordingy. I generally have no idea about the comings and goings of school gate mums unless they are particular friends.

Nicknacky is right, forget the judging and blaming everyone else and concentrate on you and yours!

The school run is only as stressful as you make it. I tend to find it much more stressful when I'm under pressure at work or running late ie it is my own stress that I project onto the school run.

But glad you've found a good solution. Hope your DD is happy with it

[TheChandler]

So sad, a culture where children are driven a few minutes walk to school in a village.

"totally petrified" - maybe a sign this is a little bit of an overreaction on your part OP.

What about cycling? Many people do it in other parts of the world and survive. Your children might find it easier to cycle than to walk or alternatively could go in a bike trailer.

[Nicknacky]

As an aside, I was most annoyed when my daughters school gave sweet treats to the children who walked to school. Why should my daughter be penalised for the choices I make?!

She got really upset about it (6 or 7 at the time) and the teacher relented and gave her and another child a sweet. Ridiculous.

[Permanentlyexhausted]

A few months ago dh and I were sat outside the school in my car waiting to collect the dd's when someone in a 4x4 drove into the side of my car, I could see it was going to happen but as we were sat with the engine off there was nothing we could do, the sound was horrendous and my car was damaged all down one side, I guess it shook me up and has made me a bit paranoid about people driving to close to me.

Please speak to your GP. A minor accident like this really shouldn't have left you feeling paranoid and scared. I've had something very similar happen (sat in a queue of traffic so couldn't move forwards or backwards when someone reversed out of a parking space into the rear passenger door of my car where DS was sat). Apart from the initial adrenaline rush making you feel slightly shaky, it really shouldn't have left a lasting impact on you.

What I will say though is that if you think the sound of being hit by another car is horrendous, hitting something squishy and alive like a 10 year old boy is going to be a billion times worse. Remember, cars can be repaired or replaced, small children maybe not quite so easily.

[LostOnLand]

You have my sympathy OP. I would be terrified too which is why I walk, it's a 20 min walk one way, so 40 mins twice a day for me, and on the days I take my youngest to nursery elsewhere it's an hour total. I'm the one with mobility and pain issues rather than the kids, walking so much, especially with a pushchair on wonky pavements, can cripple me. Even so driving and parking in particular is too stressful to contemplate. One friend was crashed into during the first term and pays £2 a day to park in a private car park. Plus the traffic is so variable. It is annoying that rain mean twice as many cars, why are we so ill equipped for walking the rain these days.

As for driving, I do stop when I think someone is driving too close to me on a narrow road, it will then be their fault if they hit me because they have no spatial awareness and don't give me enough space - I'll be right up against the curb. I am a nervous (on the inside) driver since a minor bump while driving on holiday with a friend, it was her driving but we were so paranoid for the rest of the holiday and it stayed with me after. I hope the course helps and you find a good solution.

[marne2]

The Chander, my kids can't cycle ( if you have seen my other posts, they can't even ride a scooter, they have dyspraxia and problems with their legs ). No one cycles to school as the roads are just not safe near the school ( a couple people attempt it in the summer ). People struggle with pushchairs as there's barely any pavements.

Anyway, I feel much better after walking from down the road and not parking near the school .

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

ChocLover - it seems a bit unfair to have a go at marne for endangering a child, when it was the child's mother who endangered the child in the first place by walking with him on the road instead of on the footpath, and then allowed him to dance around in the road instead of keeping him close to her. If she had felt she had no choice but to walk on the road (which doesn't sound to be the case here), she should do everything she can to ensure her child is as safe as possible in that hazardous situation.

If you choose to walk your child on the road when there is a footpath, and you choose not to make your child walk close to you on the road, and instead let him prat around on the carriageway, it is not solely the other drivers' fault that he is in danger, and I don't think the mum had any right to get indignant at marne for endangering her child, when she had done it first by walking him in a hazardous area when a safe one was available.

Obviously sometimes people have to walk on the road - in some rural areas there are no footpaths, for example, and the same on minor roads down to some schools. But in that case, the parent should make sure that they do all they can to keep their child as safe as possible.

[marne2]

Thank you Watkinz, I try and look calm, I can be quite a anxious person, I'm quite quiet but road rage can bring me out my shell . Today was much easier. Walked to school nicely without the dd's moaning, got there early. I think I know who you are too, I think your little boy showed me his new coat in the playground this morning.

[ChocLover2015]

Of course the mother endangered him! But as a motorist you have to realise that pedestrians (even the stupid ones) are extremely vulnerable and protect them from themselves if necessary!