To be totally petrified of driving the school run?

[marne2]

I drive a lot, I drive over 10,000 miles a year and rarely have any problems but the school run has got me so angry.

We live in a village, my dd's go to a small school, loads of parents feel the need to drive to school even though they live less then 2 minutes walk away, I live quite far ( edge of village ), my dd's have slight mobility issues meaning we can't walk. I have to get to school early to park ( as the people that live 2 minutes away have left half an hour early to park outside the school gates, it's raining and they don't want little billy to get cold ). At the end of the road there is no pavement but there is a footpath that passes through the church so people don't have to walk on the road.

Anyway, yesterday someone pulled out of a junction ( one of the mums that really could walk to school ) and almost drove into my car, luckily I was going slow and managed to beep my horn as she was about to hit me. She then got shitty with me in the playground as apparently 'I was not there when she pulled out', I was travelling along a straight bit of road doing 20mph when she pulled out, she looked right at me before she pulled out. This really shook me up and scared the dc's.

Today it is raining so even more people driving in, I get there early but still have to park half a mile away, it takes me 10 minutes to get back out, I get to the end of the road where there's traffic trying to come both ways and there's a parent walking her children along the road and not using the footpath, there's not really enough room for 2 car to pass but I'm being pushed along by the traffic and being waved through, I have to squeeze past the parent and her child ( who is waving his hands around and dancing in the road ), the mother starts shouting at me as I'm getting quite close to said child, I can't really stop as another car is trying to squeeze through the other way, the child is totally oblivious and carts on. I left him plenty of room to keep walking sensibly along the road but WTF don't people use the footpath, even the school keeps sending out reminders not to walk along the road and to use the path. Now I look like a bad driver because I almost hit her child ( the child is 10 years old and should be able to walk sensibly anyway).

I'm now petrified to do the school run, my car was hit a few months ago whilst sat outside the school, I have had many near misses whilst my car has been stationary. There's also those parents who think they can get up there late and park where the hell they like, this includes parking in the bus stop, in front of people's drive ways, on verges or blocking off the whole road stopping bigger things ( including ambulances) getting through.

I'm now so scared to go up there that I will have to park half a mile away and walk,. I know it's not the end of the world, my dd will find walking a struggle but she will cope.

Am IBU to be so fed up with it? Are all school runs this bad?

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

Being hit is awful but presumably insurance has sorted this out etc and there is no question that you are at fault?

I know other posters have said this but you must stop and not be carried along by traffic etc. There can be similar issues in a road near where I live and I will stop and have even occasionally turned the engine off to make it quite clear that I will not be forced into dangerous manoeuvres by other drivers. Whilst I would hate to be hit by another car, I won't get pushed into a position where I either scrape other cars or drive too near pedestrians

[MrsItsNoworNotatAll]

Ours can be horrible. I don't drive but I can see all the shenanigans that go on. The residents who live close to the school regularly complain of the inconsiderate parking that goes on but nothing is ever really done about it. There are reminders in the weekly newsletter not to park in front of driveways but it still occurs. The Headteacher once came out and asked one of the parents not to park over the yellow lines in front of the school and got a volley of abuse for her trouble.

Assholes!

[esiotrot2015]

I would park further away
It sounds like you're a sahm so if you're sure your dd's can walk then I'd definitely do that & take the stress out of your day

[Showy]

If somebody flashes to let you through, treat it as utterly meaningless. No other car on the road should 'permit' you to do things and you shouldn't feel pressured to act because somebody is flashing at you. Make decisions based on what you think is safest. If you think tucking in behind the stationary traffic and waiting is for the best, then do it. If you think there is a risk to pedestrians, stop your car. It is not your responsibility to avoid other people driving into you. They have their own brakes.

I do understand where you're coming from. I live nearly 5 miles from the school and have no choice but to drive dd there. I park about a mile away and walk though. The school is getting bigger, massive housing developments means they have taken in more than their usual number of children with overflow classes and parking outside the school is shocking. There will be an accident at some point and a child will get hurt. I've seen so many near misses.

[neepsandtatties]

Why not set up, with the help of the school, a focus group on the school run issues. Are there any companies/businesses in the locality who could be approached to see if they would allow a 15 min max parking in their car park at drop off time. Is there anywhere a walking bus could be set up, i.e parents drive to a car park about half a mile a way and the walking bus picks up from there. As per Seeline's comment - see if local parents would be prepared to let parking parents use their driveways (or at least block their driveways) during drop off - some of my friends allow this.

You have my sympathy, as my village school run would be a nightmare if the business park next to the school did not allow parents to park at drop off and pick up time.

[Cabrinha]

Forget judging people for driving.

This all comes down to anxiety from the accident. You need to deal with that, and the knock to your driving confidence.

Parking part way and walking is not the answer, because you'll still have your anxiety.

I'm not surprised you were shaken up.

[marne2]

Thank you,
I'm going on a driving course in a few weeks, I'm hoping this will help and regain some of my confidence, I think being a bit anxious just makes things more likely to happen.

From now on I will be walking part of the way, once dd1 starts high school I might walk all the way with dd2 ( as her legs are not as badly effected as dd1's ).

A lot of people moan about the situation outside school and in the rest of the village, people have asked for pavements but this gas been turned down. Only a tiny part of the village has pavements, most of the roads are not suitable for 2 cars passing, the school road is the main road through the village so there's always people trying to get through whilst parents are parked all over the place.

[HamishBamish]

Our school run is horrific. I don't often do it at the busiest times as we drop off early and pick up later, but on Fridays when I don't work I do it. It's so awful, I've started parking further away and walking in (which I appreciate isn't an option for you OP). It's not just the cars, but I worry about the safety of the children. They don't have the same awareness of traffic as adults and I really fear there might be an accident one day.

I think you should speak to the school and see what they can do given your circumstances. A few children at our school need to be dropped off very close and they are allowed to use the teacher's car park.

[HappenstanceMarmite]

If somebody flashes to let you through, treat it as utterly meaningless. No other car on the road should 'permit' you to do things and you shouldn't feel pressured to act because somebody is flashing at you. Make decisions based on what you think is safest. If you think tucking in behind the stationary traffic and waiting is for the best, then do it. If you think there is a risk to pedestrians, stop your car. It is not your responsibility to avoid other people driving into you. They have their own brakes.

This ^

[PumpkinsMummy]

I agree you sound like you feel forced to drive in a way that is unsafe. It is always better for your car to be hit than a pedestrian. It makes no difference if the boy was hoola hooping in the middle of the road with his eyes closed, you still have a responsibility not to hit him, and to leave reasonable room and time for unexpected movements. The other car would have had to have stopped, as you should have. PP has it spot on that you cannot squeeze anywhere in a car, if it won't fit comfortably, then don't drive it.

I don't mean that to sound nasty by the way, but I do think that people who drive forget how vulnerable pedestrians can feel. I say this as a driver myself, so I can empathise with you, but you sound far too nervous to drive safely on this school run.

[MrsGoslingWannabe]

These lazy mums need to get off their arses and WALK! How the hell would they have coped 25/30 years ago?!

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I can picture the situation you described, marne (the other car flashing you through and then coming towards you), but I cannot understand how you can be so sure the other car would not have stopped if you had, but would definitely have gone on, and hit your car.

I greatly doubt that the driver would have gone on and hit your car rather than stopping - that would make no sense at all.

Either the other car would have stopped, or they would have carried on if they could see that they had enough space to get through the gap.

The mum walking her children along the road - and allowing the boy to dance around - was behaving like an idiot, though, and you didn't deserve glares from her - nor from the woman who nearly hit you!

[MrsGoslingWannabe]

Agree with PumpkinsMummy about how vulnerable pedestrians can feel.

[Hillingdon]

At my DS's last school it had a gate built into a brick wall surrounding the school to allow the parents to park in the supermarket car park behind the school itself. It worked brilliantly and of course the shop got more business because of it.

My DS son was nearly backed into a number of years ago by a women in a large car who was on the phone! I banged on the car and she did stop but said she needed to call the GP for an urgent appointment for her DD.

Well , that's OK then.....

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

In fairness, though, PumpkinsMummy and MrsGoslingWannabe there is a footpath that the pedestrians should have been on. Yes, they were more vulnerable because they were on the road, but the mother had chosen to walk her children along the road.

At the very least she should have been looking out for traffic and making sure her son walked sensibly and close to her side. It is the driver's responsibility not to hit the pedestrian, but the pedestrian does also have to take some responsibility for their own safety.

[Redhead11]

I live in a street with a school in it and the drop-off and pick-up times are just a nightmare. People park across occupied drives, drive literally around the corner, on dropped kerbs, on corners, residents' parking bays and some - all of whom drive mum trucks - just stop somewhere near the kerb without making any effort to park. Another town locally has banned cars from a street with a school in it and we are hoping and praying that they will do the same with ours. The school are useless; they have mentioned it in newsletters and emails and nothing has changed.

[Pootles2010]

You say you're doing a driving course soon, could you ask a driving instructor to do you a few lessons, and time them to coincide with school run?

The instructor can talk you through it and help you build your confidence?

[MyMiddleNameIsLaura]

I think my first thought would be to contact the school and see if something can be worked out or at least it can be talked about.
At our school (also a small village one with nightmare parking) we have a drop off system which works very well. Every morning a member of staff waits at the gate and cars queue up to unload kids who then just walk through the playground to their classroom. It might not work for your school but if it could maybe suggest a similar scheme?

[lljkk]

Drop her in the staff carpark. Most schools have a few visitor spaces & it's where kids arriving by (local authority) taxi have to be taken, too.

The other possibilities: get a tandem bike to fetch her to & fro; put in her back in a buggy.

[LiegeAndLief]

I agree that it sounds like some of the problem is down to anxiety surrounding your last accident.

You've said a lot of times that you had to pull in otherwise the oncoming car would have hit you. In that situation, the thought of the oncoming car hitting me would probably not have crossed my mind - if we were both going slowly (which presumably you were) I would be pretty certain that if I stopped the oncoming car would also stop in order not to hit me. If I had been driving the oncoming car, I would certainly have stopped rather than ploughing on into you.

I hope the driving course helps you regain some confidence.

[marne2]

No driving instructors would dare drive past our school at school run time ( it's that bad ).

Love the idea of a drop off scheme, would make things much easier, our school won't do this at the moment as they don't have staff in early enough ( they don't even staff the playground ).

I do feel I left plenty of room for the child, I do think the parent was being a bit OTT in her response, of course I would never of driven into a child rather than hit the other car, there was room for the child, I guess I felt upset at the mothers reaction ( like I was going to drive into him ). I have calmed down a little, I was on edge after yesterday's incident which was 100% out of my control ( as she pulled out of a junction into the road I was driving along ). I don't think I need lessons, I just need to stop stressing so much and maybe avoid parking outside the school ( as I can park elsewhere ).

I will speak to the school and point out that something needs to be done about people parking where they shouldn't, there is one woman who always gets to school late, she drives around everyone else and then parks in the school gate way where there is a sign saying 'keep clear', it makes me angry, if she wants to park close to the gates she should get there a bit earlier, if that's not possible then what's wrong with parking down the road and walking a little way?

[WipsGlitter]

Some parents who are driving may be heading on to work afterwards.

My child has a blue badge so we park on the zig-zags right at the gate (there is no car park). I have ok-ed this with the headmaster. Could you get a blue badge? See if one of the four parking spaces could be reserved for BB holders and a note as such sent home from school.

One (new) parent did have a go at me so I let him rant and then pointed out the blue badge / disabled child! He was apologetic.

[marne2]

I think I will try and get a badge, I don't really want to draw attention to dd and I feel kind of guilty asking for one as she can walk short distances so doesn't need to be dropped off right outside. I'm sure dd will happily walk from a car park half way between home and school.

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

The school run is an emotive issue - people often blame the schools for the poor parking/ reckless driving - which makes no sense as a school cannot enforce parking restrictions or impose fines.. all they can do is write letters - to the parents and the council. Our school has an arrangement with the local supermarket (a 5 min walk from the school) allowing parents to park there and walk - but still there is stupid parking near the school gates and on the local roads (mine included). There are all sorts of reasons people who live in walking distance of a school will drive - usually due to onward journeys - work/ shopping whatever and it is not up to the other parents or teachers to decide who is entitled to drive their kids to school. But actions can be taken to reduce speed, enforce parking restrictions and enable walking (walking buses for instance).

I am a non-driver and one of my children already walks himself to school - the other two I walk in - they will walk themselves from age 9. So I am an observer of school run madness - not a participant apart from occasions when cars have endangered my children. I have also participated in working up school travel plans - back when I worked in transport planning for a London Borough. Parking issues are extreme in central London and the good reason any parent may have for driving their particular child to school becomes irrelevant in the insanity of triple parked chelsea tractors... blaring horns and angry residents!

So - if you have problems driving then use an alternative mode - it will help congestion and possibly reduce stress - if no suitable alternative is available can you park on the drive of a fellow parent close to the school and walk a short distance? Avoid the parking/ driving right alongside the school... Can the school offer dispensation for you to park in the staff car park _ we have a few children who use wheelchairs or have other mobility issues and their parents use staff parking for drop off/ pick up.

[ChocLover2015]

OP- You should not have put a pedestrian at risk like that.If there is any doubt at all , you must stop and wait til it is safe for you to proceed.The other traffic will have to wait.