To be FUMING about the state of my sons shoes

[Snaveanator]

A few weeks ago my DP took my DS (his DSS) out with him. DS is 5. They came back with a new pair of Nike trainers each, DS's cost £45.

My son went off to his dads for the weekend so I packed his bag and sent him off wearing his trainers. When they returned today, I was unpacking the bag and found the trainers stuffed in a carrier bag absolutely CAKED in mud.

AIBU to be mad about this? They are literly a 5 minute drive down the road and if he intended to take him somewhere muddy, surely he could have text me for some wellies, I could have dropped them over or left them out mine for him to collect. Failing that he could have popped into a charity shop to buy some cheap shoes or wellies for him? He could have at least cleaned them!

My DP works really hard and likes to spoil us, I know it's a lot of money to spend on 1 pair of trainers but surely the ex could have treated these with a bit more respect?

[Snaveanator]

Willies! I mean wellies

[Pico2]

I have a 4 yo. I wouldn't put her in clothes I don't want ruined if she was being cared for by someone else as I don't think they should have to be responsible for her clothes in that way. That means some things don't go to nursery/her grandparents. But I also don't buy her much that matters as things get damaged even when she is with me. Getting mucky is part of being a small child.

I think you are fools for buying £45 trainers for a 5 year old.

[simbacatlivesagain]

But trainers are outdoor shoes - why should he have asked for wellies?

[Screenclean]

Maybe it wasn't appeanrent it was muddy until halfway through the walk or whatever.

I think the best thing Ive found I do in situations like this, is think "oh good, DS obviously had a great time and wasn't stuck in front of the TV all weekend".

[Pico2]

Why didn't you just send him in wellies in the first place? Did you expect him to sit inside all day?

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Is there usually a problem with him. In the sense of he is very careless with your ds' s things or incapable of making sure he has everything he needs.

i wouldnt be pissed at my child getting filthy.

what would annoy me is if he had firm for not dressing the kids appropriately. taking them. out in the cold in t shirts and shorts and a thin jumper for example rather than.coats and gloves and waterproof boots.

is that what's bothering you more?

[museumum]

You can't really wear wellies to play football in the park. Sometimes trainers get muddy. They usually wash fine in a gentle cycle.

[ClartyYakker]

in fairness at this time a year a footpath that isn't usually muddy can become muddy very quickly. He probably didn't deliberately set out to ruin the trainers.

But YABU for spending £45 on a pair of trainers for a five year old that aren't allowed to get dirty. Perhaps in future if you are sending your children somewhere else in clothes/shoes you don't want to get dirty and also send play clothes/wellies for them too.

[SavoyCabbage]

Yabu. A muddy child is one that has been somewhere and done something.

I wouldn't want my dc to think they couldn't do an activity for fear of getting their shoes dirty.

[Shadow1986]

Wash the trainers...send wellies next time. At least it shows he's probably had a nice time going to the park or something. And he probably didn't clean them as it's easier to kick dry mud off shoes - although a note to say so might have been nice.

[Bulbasaur]

YABU for spending £45 on shoes for a 5 year old in the first place.

But really, a quick pop in the washing machine as others have said will do the trick.

It's just mud.

As for your ex, you obviously have other issues with him if this is upsetting you. I'd work on what you can with that. If it's understandably "everything he does irritates the shit out of me", you need to just learn to breath and let go. If he's causing other problems, work those out or disengage however you're able.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Wash the trainers...send wellies next time. At least it shows he's probably had a nice time going to the park or something

us it really unreasonable though to expect a non resident parent to have something at home for the kids or think a little bit?

u mean if they were picked up straight from.school or dropped off in a hurry one would still assume surely that the kids wouldn't be taken put to get filthy in school coat and school shoes. that a dad would at least have a change if clothes or a pair of wellies at their house so mum didn't have to think. Of every eventuality and send a suitcase full of staff for a couple of days.

spending that much on trainers was sully no doubt, but If they were picked up in school uniform fir instance surely you'd expect that to maybe even be washed over the weekend or changed out if before he took them. somewhere

[KissMyFatArse]

IMO YRNBU he could have at least cleaned them back up. Cheap or expensive it doesn't matter. But if your the one that now needs to scrape mud off why couldn't he do it?

Send him next time in cheap clothes/shoes though as sounds like he has no respect for your items.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Sorry for typos

you get the idea

[mumofthemonsters808]

I would not worry too much trainers are very easy to clean, ideally your ex would have done this but it's not the end of the world. I'd buy a pair of cheap Welles to keep at his Dads.

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

If this is really about the shoes then yabvvu.
But I don't think it is, is it?

[londonrach]

Sounds like your ds had a lovely time at his dads if the shoes are caked in mud. Yes your ex should have cleaned them but they shoes, they wash...

[Shadow1986]

**us it really unreasonable though to expect a non resident parent to have something at home for the kids or think a little bit?

No not unreasonable but maybe the conversation needs to be had so that it's clear.

[fatterface]

Trainers get muddy, especially for a 5 year old!

He should have cleaned them up a bit, but I wouldn't necessarily have put my DS in wellies if he was walking far or going to be running around or climbing.

[ithoughtofitfirst]

This isn't to sound patronising intentionally but when i get myself in a massive piss about stuff like this (which i often do) i just try to remind myself that nothing really bad has happened eg no one died. Loosely based on CBT techniques. Again, NOT trying to sound like a nob.

[DancingDinosaur]

He should have cleaned them before sending him home. Rather than bagging them up and expecting you to do it.

[crumblebumblebee]

YABU to be 'FUMING' but I agree that he should have attempted to clean them. What's his excuse for not even bothering to try?!

[Tinks42]

YABU and you know it

[ElsieMc]

I think it's the lack of respect for her DS's possessions isn't it? Lazy, inconsiderate and entitled not have cleaned them - of course he knows how much the flaming brand name trainers cost. Of course kids get dirty, but care enough to clean up.

I put up with clothing destroyed completely and I totted up 100 in total to replace various items before I took action. You already have your answer op, just let him know you won't be supplying clothing any more and he will just have to buy his own or just supply old clothing. He will know the reason.

Still expects to get all uniform etc so this year asked for a contribution. I told him he may even feel proud to buy his son a set of new uniform. He didn't.