To think when people say that they find adult fussy eaters annoying

[fussyoldfusspot]

what they really mean is that they find selfish behaviour annoying?

I've read a few threads started by people who state they find adult fussy eaters annoying however when you actually read the post it's not actually the fussy eating itself they find annoying - it's the behaviour of the fussy eater in question.

For instance I read a thread recently where the OP was getting annoyed at her father who is a fussy eater. He had a very limited diet and would only ever eat out at restaurants that he liked and he always got to choose the restaurant - if they wanted to go somewhere else he would moan and throw a strop until they went to the place he liked. They could only ever cook and eat things he liked in the house and if they didn't then again he would moan until he got his own way. Obviously this poster was getting irritated with this however she seemed to think it was the fussy eating that was the problem and not the fact her father was being selfish and behaving like a brat.

I've seen this in other places, both here and elsewhere, where people would describe fussy eaters they knew who would always get to dictate where everyone ate, what people should cook for them when they eat at someone else's house, commenting on what other people are eating and making "eww!" sounds when someone was eating something they didn't like, etc. They then sum up with how they hate fussy eaters and how they are annoying, etc.

But AIBU to think it's not fussy eating that's the problem in these cases, it's the fact the fussy eater in question is being rude and selfish? And you've somehow connected them together and using them interchangeably and assuming that all fussy eaters are this way?

I'm a fussy eater. I hate it and would love to have a more varied diet however I have sensory issues and there are certain smells and textures that just make me heave. Someone could start eating a banana or baked beans in the next room and they wouldn't need to tell me that's what they're eating - I will know because I will be gagging from the smell of it.

However I would never dream of dictating where everyone can go to eat just because I'm coming too. I let everyone else choose and then try to find something I like on the menu and there always is something I like, even if it's just chips. I do this because I'm not selfish and don't allow other people to deal with my issues.

I would also never comment on food other people are eating and I certainly wouldn't pull faces and go "ewww!" and "how can you eat that?" because that's just rude and I'm not a rude person. I just get on with what I'm eating and let everyone else enjoy their meal too.

I highly doubt that I'm the only fussy eater in the world who doesn't behave like a selfish brat therefore I can only conclude that when people say they find fussy eaters annoying they do actually mean they find the selfish behaviour of some fussy eaters annoying.

Because I don't know why people would find the fact I can't eat a big variety of food to be annoying if I don't inflict it on other people or tell other people what to do.

[fussyoldfusspot]

minipie but it's not the fussy eaters fault you feel guilty is it? If we're happy just eating chips and enjoying the company (and believe me, I am) then why would you feel guilty? They're enjoying their meal, just like you, so there's no need to feel guilty.

[superstarheartbreaker]

I am going to get flamed big time here but what gets on my goat the most is when people who have food issies pass them on to their kids.
Think vegans who make their kids have a vegan diet or gluten free types with kids who dont eat gluten. So flame me!

[IHaveBrilloHair]

NannyOgg, yes there are foods I dislike, I just don't make a great fuss about disliking them, because that would be rude.

[TheBloodManCometh]

A fussy

[TheBloodManCometh]

A fussy eater, IMO, is someone who chooses an incredibly restricted diet (not based on intolerances, religious or moral grounds) and refuses to try new or different foods.

[fussyoldfusspot]

I just don't make a great fuss about disliking them, because that would be rude.

Neither do most fussy eaters. Only the rude ones make a fuss of it. The ones who aren't rude just get on it with it. That's kind of the point of this thread.

Nanny never said that she made a fuss of it. That's also kind of my point, that people tend to assume that just because you're a fussy eater you're automatically going to be causing a scene because of it. Not true.

[superstarheartbreaker]

I am going to get flamed big time here but what gets on my goat the most is when people who have food issies pass them on to their kids.
Think vegans who make their kids have a vegan diet or gluten free types with kids who dont eat gluten. So flame me!

[IHaveBrilloHair]

Woowooowl, fish restaurants will serve side dishes with the fish, order those.
Honestly, I would happily cook someone who is polite the same meal every day for a week, and have no issue.

[WooWooOwl]

BrilloHair, I've only ever had to go to a fish restaurant once because of a work do, and that's what I did. It's not a issue with friends or family because all of us would choose to go somewhere that everyone could enjoy something.

I agree that a very restricted eater can easily make other people feel guilty or a bit uncomfortable over meals. It's not their fault and I know it's not intentional, but it is a shit side effect that does exist.

I think it would help, again, if people could open their minds up enough to see that for most people that come across as fussy, it's a genuinely difficult struggle.

[MrsMook]

I find my ILs frustrating. They like their food as bland and chewy or soggy as possible. I've given up on cooking for them as I resent cooking food I don't appreciate for them to pick their way around it. They end up calling the shots on eating out and we tend to end up in places with over priced dull food. They've been known to whinge about places with nice atmospheres and characters. They tend to dominate things like timings of social engagements anyway, which is part of the origin of my frustration.

I'm not aware of sensory issues, they're just very setting their ways. BiL and DH grew up with basic foods. While the rest of my ILs branched out and tried new things, BiL stayed very conservative and has tried very few new foods, and the same for SiL.

DS has some awkward allergies, but we've always worked around what he can have and substitute, rather than focusing on can't. That kind of attitude is a lot to do with it as well. There's foods I don't like, but I can have X and Y, and I'll leave Z to the side. It's the negativity that's draining with social eating.

[Nanny0gg]

NannyOgg, have you ever tried fresh coriander?

No. Can't bear the smell!

[xalyssx]

I am very fussy, but I try hard to not let it affect anyone else. The one thing I do ask for, is that no one eats lamb/veal in front of me, when I know that it is lamb/veal. Otherwise, I will pick out carrots and onions, and just not talk about it.

[Tikimon]

I'm not a fussy eater, but I get a bit squeamish about dinner parties unless I really know a person. Most homemade food just doesn't taste good. Too many people think they're good cooks, when they're not. Sorry.

I just avoid going over for dinner if I can help it. Unless it's something simple that I know they can make. Like grilled chicken or spaghetti. But no one makes easy simple dishes when inviting people over unless you've known them a while.

But yes, even at restaurants I don't care for, I always find something on the menu, even if it's just a salad. :)

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid]

lizzie is spot on about fussy eaters who will try foods and decide they don't like it and those who won't try it but just know they will hate it.

Dh is / was the won't try it sort. He really doesn't enjoy new foods at all - is a bit scared of them. Over the years I've got him to try new food and he is now a much better eater.
He still prefers his safe options, for example I made a spag bol - he complained he would rather have lasagna, lasagna is good why don't we just have that he has lasagna at least 4 times a month this was the first time I'd made spag Bol in years

My family can't stand cooking for him as he likes everything just so food wise. He doesn't complain about it but if you get it right he will eat about 3 platefuls - if you get it wrong he barely eats so they end up feeling guilty.

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid]

superstar I do agree with you about imposing your food choices on your kids but it's not that bad if you are gluten intolerant.

Gluten free cake is honestly not that bad at all, you probably wouldn't know the difference between my cake and my mums gluten free one. Gluten free sauces are just made with gluten free flour, you really wouldn't know.

Gluten free bread however is vile and if you make your kids eat it it's child cruelty.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

The one thing I do ask for, is that no one eats lamb/veal in front of me, when I know that it is lamb/veal. Otherwise, I will pick out carrots and onions, and just not talk about it

Unless you have a serious allergy to lamb/veal and fumes are an issue,then you are one of the selfish rude ones, other people's plates are not within your control

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

I wouldn't call someone who doesn't like certain foods and doesn't bang on about it 'fussy'. To me, being fussy involves making a fuss, making a point of it. Eg., all the 'I would gag/I would be sick' stuff. No-one needs to know that! Why are you spoiling everyone else's meal by talking about vomit?

My mate genuinely has a very restricted diet because of her health, and it's obviously quite annoying for her, but she doesn't feel the need to go into details.

I have to say, I have never seen an adult gag or puke when confronted with a food they dislike, unless they were enormously hungover (DB!). Maybe I've been lucky with the people I know, but I think a lot of people exaggerate because they don't believe other will take them seriously if they just say politely 'oh, I don't like it'. I find that quite irritating.

[WooWooOwl]

I'm sure some people do exaggerate LRD, but for people who are genuinely food phobic, gagging does happen, to the point of being sick if they force themselves to eat certain things. It's horrible, but people who suffer to that extent are likely to be the ones that don't say anything because it's is such a big problem for them and it can be very embarrassing.

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

woo - I would guess most people just politely avoid those foods and don't mention it, though.

It's not that I don't believe people might gag if they ate a certain food. It's the people who pretend that there's a real possibility of it happening in front of you. Er, sorry, no. If you struggled that much, you would have figured out how to cope and you would not be talking about vomit in front of a group of people sitting down to eat.

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Oh, and don't get me started on people who use 'phobic' to cover everything from mild dislike upwards. It's unnecessary and attention-seeking. Phobia is a real thing: it is not when you don't fancy something.

I think what gets me about all this is the way it implies the rest of us are somehow thick or actively cruel and would like nothing better than to force our friends and family to eat stuff they dislike.

('You' not meaning woo or anyone else, just general 'you'.)

[80schild]

I don't mind fussy eaters if it is because someone genuinely doesn't like a particular food or has a particular problem.

What I do find annoying is when someone starts talking about the long list of foods that they will and won't eat based on "health" benefits (most of it is a load of bollocks) or someone who refuses to try anything. I don't cater for these people anymore. It is just boring.

[WooWooOwl]

Your right, phobia is a real thing, and a phobia of food is really quite debilitating to people who genuinely have it.

It annoys me too when people, use that word to describe a mild dislike, or even a strong dislike, because it belittles the problem for people who really do have it and creates (as this thread shows) people who simply don't believe it's a genuine issue.

It's very easy to say that people don't mention it when they have a real problem with food so have very restricted eating, but in my experience it is very difficult to avoid altogether. Because although I'm sure no one wants to force their friend or family member to eat something they don't like, people do try and encourage trying things and will make endless suggestions meaning that someone who is trying to be polite about it is forced into talking about it. I know for a fact that well meaning people can and do make it worse because they won't just accept what they have been told.

[Droflove]

Im someone who feels irritated at fussy eating. I hate to see someone picking all the onions out of something or not eating one of the foods on their plate (especially after they say yes when I asked if they wanted X, in that case it's obvious that they will eat X, just not the way I cook it which is rude). I do understand how awful it can feel to be faced with food that makes you want to heave, I lived abroad for a long time and ended up in situations where it would have been rude not to eat the raw liver and I wanted to cry (i did eat it) but that doesnt change the fact that being a fussy eater is not an attractive characteristic in anyone. it also implies a bad attitude to food in a persons upbringing.

[rattlesnakes]

As someone who is a mildly fussy eater, I find that often it's other people making a big deal of it. For example, I don't like raspberries, and when offered them I will just politely decline. Often though, people won't take no for an answer, and will really want to know why I don't want any, why I don't like them etc. Sometimes I just force things down to avoid other people making a fuss.

I am also a vegetarian: once my mother in law cooked me a birthday meal that included meat, the idea being that I would just eat the side vegetables and everyone else would have the meat. She really doesn't get vegetarianism and I think wanted to make a point.

[badasahatter]

'Being a fussy eater is not an attractive characteristic in anyone'. Being judgey on the other hand is clearly more than acceptable.