To think when people say that they find adult fussy eaters annoying

[fussyoldfusspot]

what they really mean is that they find selfish behaviour annoying?

I've read a few threads started by people who state they find adult fussy eaters annoying however when you actually read the post it's not actually the fussy eating itself they find annoying - it's the behaviour of the fussy eater in question.

For instance I read a thread recently where the OP was getting annoyed at her father who is a fussy eater. He had a very limited diet and would only ever eat out at restaurants that he liked and he always got to choose the restaurant - if they wanted to go somewhere else he would moan and throw a strop until they went to the place he liked. They could only ever cook and eat things he liked in the house and if they didn't then again he would moan until he got his own way. Obviously this poster was getting irritated with this however she seemed to think it was the fussy eating that was the problem and not the fact her father was being selfish and behaving like a brat.

I've seen this in other places, both here and elsewhere, where people would describe fussy eaters they knew who would always get to dictate where everyone ate, what people should cook for them when they eat at someone else's house, commenting on what other people are eating and making "eww!" sounds when someone was eating something they didn't like, etc. They then sum up with how they hate fussy eaters and how they are annoying, etc.

But AIBU to think it's not fussy eating that's the problem in these cases, it's the fact the fussy eater in question is being rude and selfish? And you've somehow connected them together and using them interchangeably and assuming that all fussy eaters are this way?

I'm a fussy eater. I hate it and would love to have a more varied diet however I have sensory issues and there are certain smells and textures that just make me heave. Someone could start eating a banana or baked beans in the next room and they wouldn't need to tell me that's what they're eating - I will know because I will be gagging from the smell of it.

However I would never dream of dictating where everyone can go to eat just because I'm coming too. I let everyone else choose and then try to find something I like on the menu and there always is something I like, even if it's just chips. I do this because I'm not selfish and don't allow other people to deal with my issues.

I would also never comment on food other people are eating and I certainly wouldn't pull faces and go "ewww!" and "how can you eat that?" because that's just rude and I'm not a rude person. I just get on with what I'm eating and let everyone else enjoy their meal too.

I highly doubt that I'm the only fussy eater in the world who doesn't behave like a selfish brat therefore I can only conclude that when people say they find fussy eaters annoying they do actually mean they find the selfish behaviour of some fussy eaters annoying.

Because I don't know why people would find the fact I can't eat a big variety of food to be annoying if I don't inflict it on other people or tell other people what to do.

[minipie]

YANBU in theory. I don't find fussy eaters annoying unless their fussy eating directly affects me in some way.

Trouble is, it often does. Even if the fussy eater is doing their best - like your example of having just chips if there is nothing else you will eat - it still impacts me because I feel guilty that you are sitting there with chips while the rest of us have a proper meal. Irrational, but true. And if they are coming to my house, I do feel obliged to cook something they will eat, which is a total pain if they are very fussy.

[CoteDAzur]

These days, fussy eating in adults is refusing gluten foods (pasta, bread, etc), meat, fish, and dairy - self-imposed malnutrition, in other words.

[Cheeky76890]

I think done people are just manipulative and controlling about food when in fact they could eat the food but just don't feel like it. Others are totally different and like you have sensory issues or really strongly hate certain flavours.

[DeWee]

I think you are right about the fussy eaters but not always about the people complaining about them.

I'm fairly fussy. However I will cope with anything other than mashed potato and brown bread (will gag/vomit). I have a strong suspicion that my MIL thinks she can "cure" me by serving it. She always offers both sorts of bread, so that's not a problem, but the last two times we've stayed there half the main meals have had mashed potato on top.
I don't make a fuss, ask for a small portion and eat what I can, and slip the potato onto either dh, or ds' plate. If it's really totally covered, then I might slip out for a "walk" with one of the dc later and buy something at the shop.

She puts that her dc aren't fussy eaters due to the fact that she "made them eat everything". She has overlooked that dh still doesn't eat three types of veg because she always made him eat them, and that my problems with bread and potato are totally connected with being made to eat them as a child.

Dh did have a word with her as she brought out yet another mashed potato dish this time, so I'll see if she still does it next time.

[PenisesAreNotPink]

Fussy eating is fine. Eat what you want/can.

Talking about it or trying to force other people to go where you want to, or otherwise engage in annoying, attention seeking behaviour? Not fine.

[KatnissEvermean]

I don't like some foods. It's not because I didn't get enough attention as a child or I am immature. I would love to enjoy more food, and always try new things, but I don't often like them.

Most people probably don't realise how fussy I am. I never go on about what I like or don't like. I will eat in any restaurant, and will always find a meal that I can enjoy. I don't expect people to cook special food for me, or whinge if it's not something I like and I'll usually eat anything that's served to me so that I won't offend.

It really annoys me when people say fussy eaters are selfish or stupid. I like bland food, how does this affect you?

[QueenStromba]

Lots of people are sensitive to gluten Cote - not wanting to have gastro problems for days isn't being a fussy eater.

[MurtleTheTurtle]

I agree with the OP also - I am another who is regarded as a very fussy eater. I would love to be able to eat what other people do but I quite simply cannot do it. It isn't through choice - I just can't.

However, I never mention my eating habits, will always find something to eat in a restaurant, never ask anyone to accommodate my fussiness (I would never accept an invitation to dinner at someone's house unless I know in advance it would be a takeaway so I can make a selection myself). I also cook a wide variety of foods for my family and friends which I can't even taste - I've had to learn to cook by judging colour, feel and texture as I cannot try most of what I cook.

I often wonder if it might be different if I had been 'forced' to eat as a child but my parents were very ill and while I was never neglected it was probably easier to go along with me and I was probably allowed to become fixed in my food choices - I feel it's far too late to change now.

[Nanny0gg]

Yeah defo, it's the attention seeking fuss and placing restrictions on other people (no we can't eat there, I don't liiiiiike indian) that is annoying.

But I don't like Indian.

I cannot bear the smell of the spices. Let alone try tasting it. I couldn't sit in an Indian restaurant if you paid me and it won't be served in my house. So what do you suggest I do?

[Nanny0gg]

I often wonder if it might be different if I had been 'forced' to eat as a child

No it wouldn't. I was forced to eat vegetables and I still refuse to eat them now, 50-odd years later.

[Nanny0gg]

I think a lot of fussy-eating adults simply didn't get enough attention as children

Really.

[maddening]

I am restricted by ibs and am vegetarian - I would not choose to go to some restaurants but will if it is someone's special day or a work meal and may end up with bread but tbh if you are going for a meal as a group surely you choose something that will fit as many people as possible - my mum is coeliac so we will take that into account and my situation also - surely it's about being out for a nice meal that everyone enjoys - if it is a meal at home then there is something for everyone - surely that is good manners.

If it is a meal about going to a particular restaurant then why invite fil when he will hate it.

[badasahatter]

What Nanny0gg said.

[MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom]

I think people who complain about all fussy eaters are narrow-minded and can't understand that them liking something, doesn't make it the best thing ever.

I'd politely refuse to go to an Indian restaurant, because I wouldn't eat anything and would be bombarded with people trying to force me to try some of their food.

I have bowel issues as part of EDS, these are triggered particularly by gluten and dairy. I won't bang on about it, but if I'm feeling particularly delicate I won't make myself ill just because you don't like fussy eaters.

[Ragwort]

But Nanny do you make a 'fuss' if someone suggests an Indian meal or do you say something like 'as you know, it's not my sort of thing so I'll miss the night out this time and hope we can get together for another meal in a couple of weeks' - or whatever.

It's the people who fuss about the choice of restaurant and make a big deal about it rather than just decline gracefully that are a real pain.

I loathe fish so I would never choose to go to a fish restaurant but I wouldn't stop anyone else going to one or think I was being 'neglected' if all my family wanted to go to a fish restaurant (such a shame that my DH's favourite food is fish ).

My brothers hate chinese and to this day I can picture them standing outside the chinese restaurant when my parents treated me and a friend on my 16th birthday - the manager was beside himself and kept running out to offer them something.

[IHaveBrilloHair]

YANBU.
I will eat most things, last night's dinner was chicken liver ragu, tonight's was smoked salmon with asparagus and potato salad, tomorrow is nuggets and chips.
I have no problem at all with limited eaters, or eating in chain restaurants, in fact I will enjoy my meal and the company, I do have a problem with rude people, who complain.
My Dad didn't just leave the broccoli, he went on and on about how it gave him diarrhoea.
Eat or don't, but don't cause a scene.

[IHaveBrilloHair]

Although I confess to being a bit confused when people don't like Indian/Chinese food.
I live in a small Scottish town and could order so many wildly different dishes that I find it hard to understand how anyone could dislike all of it

[ITrulyMoustache]

YANBU. I used to be incredibly fussy but always tried my hardest to avoid placing others in a bad situation. TBH most places will do a meat and chips dish, so I was able to eat in most places. I would never dream of shifting anyone to a different place, I'd either just politely decline or put up with it. Through sheer stubbornness though I've largely broadened my diet of late so am a lot easier!

[Nanny0gg]

IHaveBrilloHair

So, is there no food you dislike? None? If so you are very lucky. I hate being fussy and being so restricted.

And no, I don't make a fuss. Sometimes I have to miss out - if people (not close friends usually) want to go to an Indian restaurant I usually make an excuse and say I'm busy that night, as I get fed up explaining and dealing with the disbelief (see post above).

Friends wouldn't even suggest it.

[LizzieMint]

There are different types of fussy eaters though, aren't there? Not just the ones who make a fuss vs those who don't, but there are ones who just refuse to try anything new and those who have tried it but don't like it. My Dad and my FIL both belong in the first category, they are strangely similar in the things they will/won't eat - won't touch onions or peppers or pasta or anything 'foreign' (apart from pizza..). And yet if you make them something with onion in and just 'forget' to tell them, they eat it no problem. That drives me mad.

Having genuine issues with food is totally understandable. We were talking about this at work one day and it turned out that all of us in the office had at least one food 'thing' that we really couldn't bear, whether it was an aversion to bananas, mashed potato, sausages or fruit in savoury dishes. None of us would have generally been classed as a fussy eater. I figure some people just have multiple ones.

[LizzieMint]

NannyOgg, have you ever tried fresh coriander? Some people find it tastes of soap or something equally revolting and there's a gene that links to whether people have an aversion to it or not. I know there's a lot of spices in an indian, but fresh coriander generally features heavily so I wondered if you had that aversion to it which might explain why you can't bear the smell?

[ICanSeeTheSun]

My son is a very fussy eater, I wish he wasn't but he has always been like it. I don't think he will ever be cured.

[writtenguarantee]

It depends. I have someone in the family who's fussy but fairly nice about. He is very difficult to cook for though.

[fussyoldfusspot]

LizzieMint I always try things before deciding whether or not I like them. It's just in my case there's a lot of stuff I simply don't like. But I would never claim to hate something that I've never tried before, that would be silly.

I know that there are some fussy eaters out there who claim they don't like things without trying them but we're not all like that. That's another generalization that annoys me - that all fussy eaters have never tried the things they claim to hate, well that's simply not true!

[WooWooOwl]

If you can eat at pretty much any restaurant, then you're doing ok I think. I like bland food too, but apart from fish restaurants that don't serve anything else, I could find something to eat almost anywhere.

I agree there are different types of fussy eater, and there are some that won't try anything new but in my experience that's just because trying something new would be a deeply unpleasant experience for them, and certainly not something they'd want to do in a public restaurant.