To not want to leave sleeping baby in the car at the park

[Chocolatefudgebrownieicecream]

First post.
We have a 5mth and 2 yr old. We go to a park which has a car park right next to the play park area. Yesterday DH dropped the toddler and me at the park, took the shopping home and returned. When he returned he left the baby sleeping in the car. It was in the shade with the window down a crack. We were about 10-30meters from the car and could see it at all points. Nice area, open space around the car park so you would be able to see anyone approaching. DH thinks I was being daft to go and sit in the car. I felt really uncomfortable with him being there alone though. WIBU? Would you leave your baby alone in the car in these circumstances?

[BertieBotts]

In view and in normal British weather? Yes I would. If it was hot then no.

Can't you just take the baby out in the car seat though? I mean isn't that the point of that kind of car seat?

[LokiBear]

The horror stories I referred to would be the reason I think someone might call the police. A passer by wouldn't know the circumstances and might react. I would. It has happened to me before. DD had a massive tantrum once in the park and refused to leave. She threw herself on the floor and I decided to wait it out. I was no more than 5 meters away watching her have a sulk when this lady approached and asked DD if she was lost. I introduced myself as 'mum' and the lady apologised and said she hadn't seen me. Perfectly fine imo, she was just ensuring the safety of a young child and didn't know the circumstances. The op asked if I would leave a baby in a car in the described circumstances. My answer is no, I wouldn't. I'd be worried that someone would call the police because they didn't know we were 30 meters away and I'd be worried that baby would wake and cry and I wouldn't realise.

[deakymom]

i would never do that my son nearly got stolen (along with the car) because nan and grandad thought it was easier to leave him in the car while they carried food into a party than take him in first and leave him with the family already in there they obviously got chatting and we pulled up my husband jumped out of the car to confront someone getting into the car!

[littleducks]

The Real Amanda Clatke- my phone autocorrected from come to cope. I wasnt aiming to be patronising about people makingother decisions. I was saying that there is a risk but when I have made a risk assessment I have deemed it to be miniscule and have been willing to accept that risk for the benefits.

For me the benefit of leaving a baby sleeping (in sight) in a car would be that the baby would stay asleep and not scream, cry and refuse to be put down for a momemt and then refuse to go to sleep later. I have one placid child who would sleep easily at set times with little effort. The other two were not good sleepers and if they fell asleep I would do anything I could to keep it that way.

[Xmasbaby11]

I wouldn't ever do that. Why would you? I've spent many hours sitting in the car outside my house while dd napped. Wouldn'toccur to me to leave her.

[nickelbabe]

my dd is 30 montgs.

sometimes, when we go out, we shut the car windows tgen ynlock the house and then go round and get dd out of the car. she is covered in sweat on her nose and forehead.
that's about 3 minutes.
I dread to think of how overheated she ciuld get if we'd left her there for 30 minutes!
yes, cars are a lot hotter than the outside and it really doesn't take lobg for a child to pass out from overheating.
risk assessment would be telling me never to leave the baby in a hot car
a "crack" is not enough ventilation.
if you were that desperate (yoir dh) to leave the baby in the car in full view, then open the windows fully.
also, you being in the car wouldn't help if it's hot unless the windows are fully open.

[mumminio]

Obvs I'd check around for parents before just calling police but still think you should go with your gut instincts. If you think you should stay, then stay. Your older son would be ok with your DH, and you might be able to fit in a nap!

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

littleducks i wasn't referring to your post. I dodnt find your comment patronising fwiw.
Someone else said that ppl struggle with risk assessment. Its a comment that comes up on aibu quite a lot when someone is trying to trivialise another poster's worries, as though the non worriers are all professional risk assessors and anyone who doesn't want to strap their toddle to the back of of a shark and send them windsurfing is a risk averse wimp with no ability to calculate the chances of potential harm.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

deaky

[mrssmith79]

Was it 10 or 30 metres? That's a pretty substantial difference in distance and I'd say fairly crucial in ascertaining whether DH was BU.

[VSeth]

I would rather sit in the car tbh. I once sat on my driveway with a cup of tea mumsnetting because pfb was asleep and I didn't want to leave her.

I would do same again.

[Chocolatefudgebrownieicecream]

It was between 10 and 30 m depending on where in the park you are. The more I think about it, the more uncomfortable I feel about it. I certainly won't start leaving him in the car alone and will have a chat with DH to ask him not to. I do think it is ok on your front drive if it is cool and you are sitting nearby with a cuppa though!

[Chocolatefudgebrownieicecream]

(By nearby I mean in the car or a metr away on the front step!)

[fairylightsintheloft]

The real that was me. Had to post quickly so sorry if it was abrupt but I do think that too many parents get scared out of using their own judgement and common sense about many many things, not just potential risks. Instead of looking at each situation, that particular park, sight lines, number of people around etc, they make a blanket rule of "never leave the baby" and go from there, regardless of how disruptive or unsuitable it is to do the alternative. I go to various different parks. In one, I would absolutely leave one child asleep, in the others, I wouldn't because the car park is not right next to the swings with an open approach. And FWIW I am a professional risk assessor in my role as a teacher who takes residential trips away !

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

The op felt uncomfortable.
So it would make sense to follow her instincts. He common sense and judgement was to not leave her baby. Therefore, i would say she was NBU to not want to leave her baby in that situation.
And yes, i too assess and advise on risk to very small children as part of my job.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

30m is quite a distance tbh.
Trust your instincts.

[RiverTam]

why couldn't he take the car seat out, surely if he did it carefully enough the baby would have stayed sleeping?

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

Also, i think with a small baby its important that mothers don't feel pressed to override their protective instincts. It is not helpful in developing their confidence.

[Rumandcokeplease]

VSeth - who made your cup of tea for you?

[AgentProvocateur]

Combusting cars and suffocating cats... I'm surprised some of you can pluck up courage to leave the house, what with all those potential killers just waiting for you.

[TondelayoSchwarzkopf]

I love that the posters going on about reasonable risk assessment are the same ones who think being in a car is very dangerous.

Also the risk of anything happening is very remote but it's the risk of something happening to your little baby. Weighed up against a tiny bit of inconvenience.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

I think ppl have made it quite clear that time and distance are a factor.
So while it might be ok to leave your baby in the car for a few minutes on your driveway while you put the shopping bags in the house, many ppl would feel uncomfortable in the park leaving their baby unattended 30m away.
I dont see the need for such derision about caution tbh.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

Yy tondelay good point.

[loveheart45]

NEVER leave a young child in a car unsupervised.

[Ragwort]

I would (and did) leave my baby in such circumstances, I would leave him sleeping in the car on the drive, he slept in his own room from one week old and I left him sleeping in hotel rooms (without a monitor), I left him alone if I was in the garden or occasionally to run to the post box (5 mins) - I firmly believe that he would have been much more likely to come to harm in a car accident - but we also took him out in the car. He is now a teenager - and thinking of another recent thread we also allowed him to sleep out alone in a tent in the garden from about 8 years old .

Each parent makes their own risk assessment, but I do think some parents appear to be incredibly over cautious.