To not understand how some people afford to have so many children?

[KiKiFrance]

I mean this as a genuine question, but how the heck do they do it?

We have 3 DCs as that was all we could afford, yet I know families that have only one very average income that just seem to keep having children, and affording nice things, activities and holidays too.

Someone I know has just had her fifth baby. They are very early thirties and her DH works in a supermarket, and she is a SAHM, so obviously not on a high income, yet they always have nice clothes, the older children to lots of activities, they have a lovely new build house which is decorated beautifully, always eat out, and they bought all new (expensive) baby equipment for baby #5. She has also said to me that they'll have a sixth baby at some point, and possibly a seventh too!

The other person that I know has 4 children. Her DH is a chef but is always in and out of work, but again they seem to have such nice things, and her children to lots of activities and clubs. One of her sons has just had a huge birthday disco in a hall, and she said it cost over £300. They too are planning to have more children.

Our income is good, yet we generally can't afford half the things that they can, and certainly could never have afforded a 4th child, even though I would have quite liked another baby.

[morethanpotatoprints]

It can be drastically different if you have more dc but of course it dependson the gap just the same as your childcare expenses.
We started out claiming for 2 because when ds1 was born there weren't tc's. We did this for aprox 9 years, then dd came along and we claimed for 3 for a further 6 years. Then it was 2 for a further 4 years, and now it is just dd we claim for.
All in all we have had tax credits in one name or another for about 20 years.

[merrymouse]

I'm not insinuating that people on benefits live in hovels - but there is cosy, clean, happy family home and then there is 'keeping up with the joneses' style house and I don't think you can have the second kind of house on tax credits alone.

[merrymouse]

Some people are very good at creating little out of nothing and buying second hand, but I don't think that is the kind of lifestyle the OP is talking about - that sounds more like extra cash is coming from a credit card or unseen source.

[Babyroobs]

There was a famous thread on another parenting site where a family with 5 kids were claiming hundreds a month in tax credits a month which were paying for the dd's pony riding lessons and all sorts ! The op got a very hard time.

[morethanpotatoprints]

merrymouse

That is our experience anyway. I'm sure we aren't on our own, it is quite possible.
For example, I have never done an online grocery shop, we live near to town and most days I'll pop to the shop.
I get really good food from whoops close sell by date etc and sometimes we eat whatever I come home with. It costs a fraction of the usual price and we get to eat really well.
I also buy lots on offer and have been known to buy a full years supply of loo rolls or coffee etc when it has been half price.
I can only do this because I have time to wander round town getting the bargains.
The money I save goes towards dds music lessons, travel, ensembles etc.
I have lots of examples but don't want tobore you

[melissa83]

Surely it depends on lots of things. We bought young so our mortgage is currently only 350. We will have 3 children in a couple of months and money isnt tight. Weare lucky to have a very nice lifestyle on a low wage.

[ilovechristmas1]

does 50 inch tv and virgin subscription count as living well

if it does im doing dandy on TC

[whatever5]

Lally112 obviously a nice house and lifestyle is a matter of opinion. The OP's description of a nice house and lifestyle sounded similar to my idea of a nice house and lifestyle though (plus they have a lot of children) and I don't think that you can could do that on benefits.

[nicename]

Our parents had a lot of kids.

Dad worked for himself as a consultant (in the early days he had 3 jobs), so earned well and suppoted both grandmas when they were widowed. We were all fed and clothed well, had nice holidays and had a nice house.

He invested wisely and worked six days a week.

No help, no handouts. I think it was easier in ye olden days - people didn't 'need' gadgets, numerous foreign holidays, designer clothes etc.

[morethanpotatoprints]

ilovechristmas

We have 2 large tv's they came out of inheritance, but can't justify virgin subscription. But yes, we could afford this on tc. Its just that enough hours of tv watching doesn't happen in our household tojustify the cost.
Ime you can live very well on tc, people have different priorities and different levels of materialism but as a general rule luxuries aren't out of the question.
Our dc weren't into the latest gadgets, they did have them when they were cheaper though. Designer labels weren't really their thing neither but if they needed something and it was then so be it.

[DiaDuit]

I can't believe that they are so generous that they enable you to have a nice house, nice outfits for the children

'nice' isn't really a measurable term though is it? nice for me might be vile to you. also, what I consider to be 'nice' clothing can be bought cheaply in charity shops or ebay. also. my sister is loaded and spends a fortune on gorgeous clothes. I get them all when she is done. you might think I'm rolling in cash to see me and my DCs but the clothes were either free or very very cheap.

[sonlypuppyfat]

I know a couple with 9 kids flat screen in every room all kids have got laptops and they have a foreign holiday every year and no one has worked in that family for years.

[DiaDuit]

and 34 goats as well, no doubt

[morethanpotatoprints]

We live in a good street in a good area, our neighbours are retired HT, retired Civil engineer, a teacher/sportsman, solicitor, builder, clergy, all professional or retired professional couples.
It is in a very sought after area and you would not think that anybody on the street was any different than rich.
Perceptions can be wrong, and I doubt if any of our neighbours are aware we have tax credits, in fact I know our closest hasn't a clue as he is typical DM reader.
My dd went out a few days ago in a brand spanking new mountain bike that must have cost an arm and a leg.
My dsis bought it as a guilt present for my niece. It has sat in her shed for a year untouched and now dn doesn't want it. They have given us clothes that my spoilt dn has craved for, that still have the labels on, they are all top quality labels.

[Openup41]

We are middle earners.

We considered having one child as childcare costs are around £1k a month. We earn above the threshold to receive CTC, WTC, nursery contributions.

We decided to have two dc but with years between them.

I seriously used to wonder how my neighbour was able to be a sahm to 5 dc. Her dp had a general level job. Their garden was like a park and adventure playground - swings/slide/trampoline
swimming pool/tree house.They held parties on all their birthdays, had bbqs literally every weekend with bucket loads of alcohol in the summer.

I am out of the house almost 12 hours a day yet cannot afford to buy lunch/coffees and magazines on route. I bring a packed lunch every day. I shop in New Look and DP. I buy dc clothes in H & M/Sainsbury. Everything we spend has been budgeted for. No impulse buys - unless it is a packet of sweets.

[Openup41]

A friend even suggested I take a low level job, work part time and be supplemented by benefits.

I would not consider this.

[merrymouse]

I am not In any way suggesting you can't be frugal and well dressed, but from the description I think there is more to the op's friend's lifestyle than tax credits.

[Laquitar]

As well as some of the above points i think that it is also to do with attitude to life and personality type.

For example when mine were very little i was spending very little on their clothes and days out but i was stressed (i'm always stressed) about later, after school activities, school trips etc. Now i cover those i get stressed about the bigger school trips, tutoring, uni, housing.
Some people dont get stressed about the future and are optimist that things will work out well. Those people i think are suited to have 4 or more.

There are parents who are planning to fund uni and others who are planning that their dcs will support themselves ones they are 16. This makes a huge difference.

Also insurances, pension, money aside for roof or boileretc. Again it depends on your personality type.

[fluffyfanjo]

I work 40 hours a week in a well known supermarket for £7.50 per hour, side by side with two twin brothers who do the exact same job as me but only for 22.5 hours a week..
Brother A has no kids lives in a 6ft x 5ft room in a shared house with 10 other people, one bathroom, one kitchen. It costs him £80 per week.
Brother B lives in a 3 bed house with his wife and 4 children cost £350 per week which £300 is paid for with HB.
I live live in a studio flat cost £145 per week. My DC are adults now.

My income for 40 hours = £300 p/w, £15600 p/a, pre tax. Rent cost = £7450 p/a

Brother A, 22.5 hours = £169 p/w, £8775 p/a, rent = £4160 p/a - £1040 HB = £3120

Brother B, 22.5 hours = £169 p/w + CTC, WTC, CB = £460 p/w, £24000 p/a (tax free). Rent - HB (for 3 bed house) = £2600.

Really ? How does "Brother B" manage to claim WTC when you need to work at least 24 hours a week (if a couple) to be eligable for WTC..........

The only thing missing is the herd of goats tethered in his 30 acre country estate.

[merrymouse]

Agree laquitar.

Some people just trust that somehow things will work out and spend accordingly. Sometimes they are right, sometimes they are wrong.

[Laquitar]

YY Chuderella

Things like houses and childcare bills go up and up but tvs, laptops and clothes get cheaper.

It is not very difficult to dress your dcs and to buy a tv even on a low wage if you save on something else like food or going out.

[MaryWestmacott]

It does come down to when you bought a house, we live in a street of 1930s semis, all pretty much the same 'box', one down the street has sold recently for £150k more than we paid. I know someone down the other end paid £100k less than us when they bought a few years earlier. Same house, same road, £250k difference on your mortgage. Big, big difference.

You can be working in a supermarket in a managerial role and earning quite alot, you can be a chef and while out of work regularly, making huge sums when in work (including doing things like being a private chef for dinner parties for the great and good, that pays very well as 'one offs') - basically, you can think someone's on a lowish wage or a similar wage to you because they have asimilar size house and stuff as you, but they are actually very high earners.

Mind you, the only people I know with 4+ DCs in real life are pure sterotypes - I know 2 who are living off benefits in council owned properties, and I know 3 who are married to bankers on £250k+ salaries and the trophy wife who's 'snapped back' after each DC, large countryside house, dog and several children (all in private schools) are a status symbol.

[jenniferalisonphillipasue]

I have 4 dc. We live in a nice house and have a nice although not extravagant life. My dh earns a good salary but we have high fixed monthly outgoings.
My dsis has 2 dc. He dh earns less than mine but her dc go to private school, they will have 4 holidays this year and run two decent cars.
The difference is that she bought her house 2 years before us in a good area. They recently had the house valued and it has increased in value by 25%. She also has a low mortgage rate as her mortgage company have kept to their .25 above base rate as opposed to ours who upped it with some interpretation of small print. They have also inherited money from her dh's family.
My point is that people's circumstances are not just based on their jobs. You don't know their situations so in some respects YABU!

[BudsBeginingSpringinSight]

they are probably getting tons of tax credits and child allowance.