is this an affair!?

[Aberdeen3]

I love my husband. Not married long. The other day I met up with a guy from work on a night out (lots of work people there) and we just hit it off. Nothing happened, but I have since met him for a drink (didn't tell hubby). Again nothing happened but he has said he finds it hard to be good around me and if I "just say the word" he will cut all contact. I feel terrible. I'm an adult ffs, why am I behaving like a 15 year old!! I need you to tell me to grow up. I have a great hubby, lovely home. why has my head been turned so much that I can't stop checking my phone or can't even eat!! I won't be working with this guy as he has moved to another part of the company. But I miss him. What the hell is wrong with me!? Even if I was single I know this would never work out with this guy, its just he represents youth and freedom and no responsibility. I am a piece of shit. Feel free to say it.

[FizzyMummy]

My blood ran cold when I read your post because I was you.... a few years ago...and let my story be a warning to you.

I hasn't been married long but had been trying to conceive for years. I was depressed and suicidal because of it (although not an excuse for what I did).

My first love got in touch with me through Facebook. I fancied him like mad when I was 14 but we never got together. We started out much like you, 'innocent' meet ups etc. He left his wife and we started a full blown affair. I used to 'work late' or 'overnight' a couple of times a week and stay at his. The sex was absolutely amazing. I did things with him that were so dirty it makes me blush to think about it. I loved him because he was an escape from my life that had become mundane and sad because of fertility problems (my husband's).

I didn't use contraception and was sleeping with my affair man and my husband. Heck, I would have slept with a whole rugby team at that dark time in my life if it meant getting pregnant.

And guess what....I got pregnant!! It changed things completely for me. I never saw affair man again and devoted myself entirely to my husband. The guilt was enormous and I can never ever forgive myself. I realised that I loved my husband completely.

I have no idea who is the father of my beautiful DD although she has the look of the affair man. My husband knows nothing and my DD is his world. We now have another child conceived naturally with my husband. I have nearly told him the truth a few times but couldn't do that to my children. We are now a little happy family and no one knows my secret. I shall have to live with it forever.

Please don't do it.

[kiwimumof2boys]

A friend of mine was in the same position as you about five years ago - secret texts, etc - then she finally caved in and slept with him.
She lost everything - other man saw her as a one night stand and immediately avoided all contact with her, her lovely husband left her, and she left her job because it was so awful working with said man. It took her a couple of years to get back on her feet again.

Let that be a warning to you !!!

[musicalendorphins2]

Would you want your husband to be posting this about a woman?
Do you want an open marriage?

[SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker]

I think you've got some really good advice and I second Shirley Glass as a great resource.

Nobody says that you can't have male friends, just that once you have taken steps towards an affair it is very hard to safely go back to being friends again. That if you are doing something you don't want your husband to find out about, there is a good chance that you are on the wrong track.

[blondebird69]

OP - you are not being a shit bag! It is easy to settle into a routine with married life and at some point the passion you felt at the beginning settles into comfortable and friendship as well as love and marriage.
You met someone who makes you feel good about yourself and makes you feel alive and attractive again - that's not to say your DH cannot make you feel like that again.
The fact that you have met him for a coffee and not told your DH is not good because it is secretive and although innocent if it was innocent wouldn't you have told him ?
I think you need to cut contact and work on your marriage and get the spark back. Plan a date night together.
I have been married 12 years and love my DH to bits. I work with someone I find really attractive (much younger) and we laugh and flirt but it is harmless and I would never do anything about it, meet him etc because I love my DH and would never jepodise my marriage.
Someone in one of the previous posts said imagine how you would feel if it were the other way round and your DH writing the post.
Good luck hope it works out x

[EarthWindFire]

It is stressful for you whilst TTC, but it is also stressful for your DH. How would you feel if he was doing what you are?

If its not seedy, then invite DH along, show him your texts and you can all be friends, right?

This about sums it up for me.

[MissingDietCoke]

this could have been written by me a few years ago. I had an amazing connection with a colleague that could so easily have gone further. I cut all contact, it was the only way I could save myself and my marriage. my relationship with my husband went from strength to strength when I concentrated on it and it was the best thing I could have done, I'd advise you to do the same, hard as it may be. all the best.

[kittykatsforever]

Is it an affair yet.... No
Is it likely to if you continue contact with him, I'd bet amost 100% yes!
I've sat through a friends journey almost identical to this even the TTC part which was ultimately what made her unhappy and looking for an ego boost but in the end her husband found out and they split, it later transpired the work friend had been seeing a few girls at the same time ( you'd never in a million years have guessed had you read the stuff he'd written and he used to text her 100's if times a day, you'd never thought he'd find time but he did and it almost caused her marriage. She was lucky, she managed to save her relationship but it's rare to get a second chance!!
A month after they reunited after they agreed to investigate the TTC issues she found she was pregnant, it can take a long time TTC and takes it toll On Everyone but don't let this cause your whole life to unravel! It's not unusual for it to take 18 months on people with no issues