To be annoyed by this and think it is unfair?

[cheeseandfickle]

I am still friends with a group of women that I met at baby group when my youngest child was little.

We are all still friends and all still have regular nights out. One member of the group is quite dominant, very vocal, and somewhat of a boaster. Lots of the others seem to hang on her every word and be in awe of the clothes she is wearing or the holiday she is going on. Recently her husband got a new car and lots of them listened open mouthed and in awe as she told a long story about how he got her the wrong colour, and how she'd moaned at him until he changed it.

I am not a boaster. I am fairly quiet and generally happy to listen to the louder group members, although of course I do speak too when we're out!

We all went out for a meal last night, and during the meal I mentioned that we have booked a holiday for next month. It wasn't in a bragging sense but just an update on me type of sense. I talked about it for about 2 minutes and then we moved on to another topic.

This morning I have received a facebook message from one of the other women (not the boaster) saying that she is just giving me some friendly advice but that she is advising me not to mention my holiday again as it's unfair on other group members that cannot afford a holiday this year, and she thinks I may have upset one or two others by talking about it.

I have not replied to the message yet but to be honest I am absolutely gobsmacked by it, not to mention very pissed off. Basically she is saying that it is ok for some people to boast all the time, but that the rest of us should just sit there and listen to it all and never update with any news of our own. I also feel cross that the one or two others that I have apparently upset haven't got the balls to message me themselves to say it!

AIBU to be totally pissed off and to be considering not meeting up with these women again?

[burgatroyd]

Wow! Are those people for real?! Please slowly walk away from the group

[Intrusivethoughts78]

Very unfair, 'friends' should be happy for each other surely.
What's the betting you'll get a reply along the lines of "oh never mind, forget I said anything"

[flumperoo]

cheeseandfickle, has the shit stirer friend responded to your message yet?

[puddymuddles]

We can't afford a holiday this year but I have no problem hearing about other peoples holidays! This woman sounds ridiculous!

[wafflyversatile]

It seems unfair to abandon all of them on the interfering of one person.

[PenelopeLane]

Thing that would concern me the most is the timing - complaining about you is one thing, but if the dinner was only last night, that does hint at something slightly worse, to have a conversation quite so quickly about it!

I think your response was spot on, and if your friend doesn't tell you who was upset then it may be her that's the problem

[EvaBeaversProtege]

Friends don't act like that.

[FamiliesShareGerms]

Sounds like you might have outgrown this circle of friends - they sound odd

[CombineBananaFister]

Yanbu - will be interesting to see what response you get, probably a 'I'd rather not say'.
Seriously might be time to leave the friendship group if it is actually the case of them being annoyed. Otherwise how are you going to relax and enjoy the company of these friends if you're walking on eggshells or having to overthink before you say anything? Wouldn't be fun, just stressful.

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

Other people have/do things that you don't, fact of life, get over it. YANBU OP. Wonder how she'll reply.

[Tiredemma]

They are hardly friends if they can't even be minutely happy for you having a bloody holiday!

[ConcreteElephant]

They sound like hard work and less fun than friends are really supposed to be. Sounds like a deleted scene from Mean Girls.

I'd rather live vicariously through someone else's holiday than listen to a bore-fest about a wrongly coloured car.

[Ilovenicesoap]

That is an excellent reply OP
When someone says "people" are upset they are usually using it to back up their own argument ie give it more weight.

You've got her with that one!

[IDontDoIroning]

You find in groups like this certain people take on certain roles and boasty is probably the queen bee and within the dynamic is probably the only person "allowed" to talk about their cars holidays etc. friend who has messaged you is probably the " sympathetic concerened one" of the group who boasty has moaned to as you've probably upset her by talking about your holidays because that's what she "does" only it's been dressed up as concern for the other "poor" members of your group.

[insancerre]

Ditch them
They sound very childish

[Tinkerball]

They do sound awful, it's not just the double standards but the fact you are expected to listen to boaster. Not my idea of fun!

[Tryharder]

I cannot afford a holiday this summer. However I am looking forward to hearing all about my friends holiday when she gets back from the US.

What rubbish.

[tobysmum77]

I reckon the boaster can't afford a holiday after her husband wasted money on 2 cars. seriously they sound just awful. Do yourself a favour.

[Trickydecision]

Possibly the Boaster resented you stealing a tiny bit of her limelight but rather than look jealous by saying anything herself, bore down on one of her hangers on to do it for her.
Of course it is normal conversation to mention a holiday.

[Delphiniumsblue]

You did the best thing. Perhaps you have just outgrown this group, it all seems rather childish.

[TiredFeet]

Life's to short to bother with people like that. They sound ghastly

I am only getting a cold and damp holiday in the uk in the autumn this year, I have still been pleased for my friends and happy to hear about their more exotic holidays

[deakymom]

fgs i didnt have a holiday for over 15 years i never begrudged my friends having one! might have called them jammy sods but it never really upset me its just a holiday!

[wiifitaddict1]

Yes do let us know if she replies.

[LemonBreeland]

She does sound like a bit of a stirrer. It will be interesting to see what her response is. Especially as she is probably talking shite. Could it be her thar is pissed off that she can't afford a holiday