It's the last day of term, AIBU to want to emigrate (without kids)

[Doingakatereddy]

7 weeks, yes 7 whole weeks of 14 hour days with DS (4) and DD (16 months) and for some stupid reason I'm a SAHM

I want to cry and wail, run away and never see a park / soft play ever again

Tell me I will cope, I've seen the frenzied eyes of mums before in the summer hols but nothing prepares you for the fear.

[MyFairyKing]

I'm not even a parent, so I'm a bit perplexed by suggesting I am a sub standard one.

Engol tell me! would you go on a thread where someone is struggling with stomach pains and ramble on about how healthy your stomach is and how good you're feeling at the moment? Or would that be insensitive?

[gordyslovesheep]

Oh yes Humps I have my priorities straight

yes Engol My cervix is manky and bad and I just had 3 more biopsies - please come back and tell me a) how wonderfully healthy your cervix is and b) how I am bad for not liking my manky one

[LucyBabs]

I'm lucybabs and I am a sub standard parent

[Engol]

Humps as previously said, I was a sahm, I've been through the toddlers, early mornings and 14 hour days, it didn't faze me then, it was a lot easier than going out to work. I now work school hours, no childminder, no cleaner and it's not that hard.

Moaning about the minute gets to me, the op is completely over reacting and while others, may choose to indulge her pathetic childish moans or feel the same, I won't. she doesn't have a clue what real problems are and I'm certainly not going to indulge her and pretend that she has a real issue. If that makes me judge, smug or whatever so be it, I know what's important and I'm not going to lose sight of that and if I make even one person think twice then all this silly bickering name calling and ganging up is worth it.

[HaroldLloyd]

One person think twice about what? I am totally confused here.

[HaroldLloyd]

And how do you know this is her only issue in life? Very presumptuous of you.

[gordyslovesheep]

pmsl maybe the OP was being a bit tongue in cheek - it's called humour - GIYF

My name is Gordy and I am a fucking useless cat owning vodka drinking working single parent of 3 - bite me

[LizLimone]

I can see how you'd find it hard to entertain 2 kids under 4 on a tight budget, all day every day without a break. What I'm not clear on is why you're dreading the summer holidays so much if you're a SAHM anyway. Presumably even if your 4 year old was in preschool it was only for 15 hours a week?

I'm at home too and my 2.5 year old's preschool is on break for the next month so I'm going to be looking for ways to keep us busy for the next while too but since he's only in preschool 3 mornings a week it's not a big difference to my usual routine. Wouldn't really put it on the same 'summer holidays dread' level of a parent who normally has her kids in school and now has to entertain them for the holidays.

Did you want to be a SAHM or is it a something you ended up doing for financial or other reasons? Just asking because I am a SAHM by accident (moved abroad) and the day to day stuff other mothers rave about does bore me. I hope to go back to work next year once I've had DC 2.

[LucyBabs]

I'd love to hear what real problems are egol
Very silly of you to suggest the op hasn't got Real problems!
She's hardly going to share when she's been reading such rubbish being typed about being a sub standard parent

[basgetti]

YANBU OP. I'm a SAHM and I'm worried about the holidays this time. I have a lovely but very active 6 year old and I'm 18 weeks pregnant struggling to get through the day with severe hyperemesis. (Waits for Engol to tell me what a breeze her pregnancies were).

Anyway the school day gives me a bit of respite at the moment so I can hopefully be a bit more energised and sociable by the time he gets home. 24/7 is going to be hard!

[andsmile]

I sort of do ,but then I embrace it and plan like crazy - variety helps you might find yourself looking forward to see in how your little ones are at whatever you plan.

Make a list of three good parks - have picnics for these days
Make a list of three or more free museums
Go swimming - fee vouchers are they still around
Would you brave a family friendly cinema viewing you can get some for £fish
Bike.scooter for 4 year old
Softplay is for emergencies

[LithaR]

I do spare more than a thought Doingaka. I wish my son was an early riser like me, but alas he's a teenager in a four year olds body :(

[Happy36]

Getting out of the house is probably a good idea.

Also creating a routine for the days of the week as well as the weekend. Can their dad take them for a good 3-5 hour stretch on a Saturday for you to have some time alone (or with adult friends) ? Perhaps he can do a few errands like the supermarket shop after work too so you don´t have to drag the kids around places like that where they get ratty. Arrange a babysitter for Saturday nights so you and your partner can get out too.

During the week with the children try to do plenty of social activities, going to playgrounds and parks, going to the library (look for activities such as storytime - some bookshops and community centres and cafés have them too), going swimming when you´ve got the energy and plenty, plenty of playdates of the low impact kind where you and the other parent(s) get to chat or drink coffee while the kids entertain each other, (the dreaded television can be handy too).

At home get some "new" toys, just simple things like a new colouring book/pad and some pens for your 4 year old or a board or card game (you could get him to help you make a "snap" or matching pairs type game, or look for a cheap one in the pound shops and supermarket, also I think you can download some to just print off and cut out??) Cooking is fun and you can also get your 4 year old involved with lots of chores around the house like sorting washing, laying the table, helping with the "baby". Finally if you have a garden or outside space a paddling pool will take up plenty of time but you must watch them both like the proverbial hawk so only get the pool out when you are entirely free for lifeguard duty.

Map out a timetable for the week and see how you get on.

[Bogeyface]

Engol


Been? Really?! I think you mean BEING.

Assuming your teens appreciate you forcing them into activities they dont seek or want is not going to make you any friends.

I dont like the fact that sometimes my teen girls hole up in their rooms with facebook and moan about me, but I accept it. It is the modern version of what my sister and I did when we were teens, but its a saving on the phone bill. They need their time with their mates, they need to vent about me being a total bitch for asking them to unload the dishwasher, they need to find themselves.

You need to let them do that. The fact that you think you are the perfect parent is proof positive that you aren't.

[Doingakatereddy]

engol - I have real problems like every other person. I have never assumed that any Mum, even the rich, beautiful, effortless cath kidston brigade don't have problems. I wouldn't dare assume anything, because we are all fighting battles.

Maybe my post was a 'childish whinge', but it did have a big dose of truth.

Your vitriolic, smug posts have poured scorn on my concerns & attempted to make me feel like a sub standard mother. You are unpleasant & I wonder why you have felt the need to post - you're obviously getting some satisfaction about being better than others, mainly me

I'm off to snuggle on sofa with the kids and watch a DVD, it's too early for craft & miserable cow mumsnet posters

[Doingakatereddy]

engol - I have real problems like every other person. I have never assumed that any Mum, even the rich, beautiful, effortless cath kidston brigade don't have problems. I wouldn't dare assume anything, because we are all fighting battles.

Maybe my post was a 'childish whinge', but it did have a big dose of truth.

Your vitriolic, smug posts have poured scorn on my concerns & attempted to make me feel like a sub standard mother. You are unpleasant & I wonder why you have felt the need to post - you're obviously getting some satisfaction about being better than others, mainly me

I'm off to snuggle on sofa with the kids and watch a DVD, it's too early for craft & miserable cow mumsnet posters

[Catmint]

Good grief, just read this thread.

Some posters horribly lacking in empathy and humour.

Others - delightful (waves)

OP, wishing you luck for the holidays, where are you emigrating to? I fancy Norway.

[JennyCalendar]

A long stretch of time, like the summer holidays, can be daunting, but I suggest having a holiday routine.

First, find out what free or very cheap activities are happening at local museums, libraries, bookshops, sports centres, craft shops etc.

Then get a cheap notebook, pens and stickers - this will be your 4 year old's holiday scrapbook.

Make a rough timetable for the week. Get out in the morning and have quieter activities in the afternoon, such as filling in the scrapbook with pictures of what you've done that morning (look out for leaflets, tickets etc. that can be stuck in too.

Example
Monday mornings - Supermarket - you could make a scavenger hunt of things to spot as you go round - pack of stickers for good behaviour. Afternoon - baking.

Tuesday mornings - park - you could visit a different one each morning and rate them in different categories to find a winner. Picnic lunch. Afternoon - games

Wednesday mornings - library visit to read books and choose new ones for the week. Afternoon - singing and dancing at home.

Thursday mornings - woods/nature reserve/river walk etc. again, have a scavenger hunt of things to find. How many different small things can you find that can fit in a Smarties tube? You can put the smarties into a separate bag and reward each item found with a smartie. Afternoon - art.

Friday mornings - free museum. Afternoons - tidying up the house.

Of course this is just a suggestion, but can help to have a plan of action.

[bronya]

I would say have a routine, go out lots and give them plenty of chances to run off some energy. You could set a routine that every day after breakfast you do baths and get dressed, then walk to the park (pref one at least 15 min walk away!), play for half an hour and walk home. Then free play with Duplo at home for a bit, with you modelling the play so they get more 'into' it because they can see the possibilities. You could all tidy the house, do washing/washing up etc after that, then a little TV time before lunch.

After lunch, nap for youngest and do some reading/maths/art/whatever with the older one to keep their brain going. Then go out again - to the library, or the shops, or to a friend's house. If it's hot, it's nice to go to a supermarket just to walk around, pick up some milk and go home. If you walk up and down the aisles a bit, it can be quite tiring for a small child!

Then home, toy time (cars?), watch a bit of TV, dinner. Before bed you could go for a walk to ensure they're nice and tired.

[IdkickJilliansAss]

Prosecco took away my punctuation I'm afraid! Engol you are on a hiding to nothing, as I said I enjoy the summer holidays and a long hard look at myself confirms that; it's just that I have empathy and I'm not a total self serving tiresome bore.

[bakingaddict]

I enjoy school holidays with the children but think that my perspective of enjoying holidays with the kids wouldn't be quite the same if my financial situation was different. I can imagine the thought of six whole weeks to fill daunting if you struggle to find bus fare or petrol to take the kids anywhere. I'm not saying that this is your situation OP just giving an example

We should have a bit of compassion for people whose situation is not quite like our own and spiteful pieces of work like engol should question why they need to validate themselves in the way they do

[lostlalaloopsy]

I have a 5 year old dd who has just finished p1, 2 year old and am 30 + plus wks pregnant. I was dreading the holidays as dd can be stroppy , but she has turned into a lovely child - I think it's a combination of holidays and me not being at work.

We haven't been doing anything particularly exciting either, meeting up with friends, few play dates, trips to the park etc. The good weather has really helped, although it has been a struggle being heavily pregnant - who knew my ankles could swell that much?!

Our local leisure centre has really cheap/free activities running throughout the summer - could you look into something like that op?