to think no you had your chances

[moolady1977]

oldest ds is 14 has been getting into trouble at school out of school being a total pita well about 6 weeks ago we found out he had been wagging it were called into school for a meeting now the thing is we said the small consequences were not bothering him so we said right next time you wag school we get rid of 1 of your bearded dragons (he has 3,, day to day looking after feeding cleaning out is left to me and dh as he cba ), we had a phone call today from school its sports day and community day but guess what he is wagging it and then lies to us about it , dh says the beardy is going and yes i agree in a sense but our ds is laid on his bed crying because he doesnt want him to go ,this is after ive had to chase him round our estate because he had hit his sister aibu in saying i agree with his dad the beardy goes or do i go against his dad and 1 cause a row and 2 let ds walk all over me

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid]

Are lizards and a family dog comparable? I won't pretend to be a reptile expert.. but aren't they mostly just concerned with being on a warm rock and not whoever is on the other side of the glass?

I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking that.

My policy is always follow through with punishments or you will never be taken seriously. Sounds like he's been given a good shock though.

[kslatts]

I think you should of chosen a different punishment, now you have said the dragon will have to go it will really send the wrong message if you do not follow through.

[PiperRose]

YABU. This is a living thing, it's not a toy. Where will it go? Do all 3 live together and if it does go how will it affect the other two?

Take a toy off him, computer, iPad, Xbox.....stop pocket money, ground him....

[littlemisssarcastic]

If you have already carried out various other punishments to stop him truanting, warned him that he will lose his pets and he is still truanting and hitting his sister, what makes you believe for a second that more punishments in the form of re homing his pets is going to have the desired effect?
You have tried punishing. It doesn't appear to be working.
Have you ever got past the 'I don't like the lessons or the teachers.'
Does he only truant from those lessons? Does he become more aggressive when he has those lessons?
What is it he doesn't like about those lessons/teachers? What does the school have to say?
What will you do when you have re homed his pets and the unacceptable behaviour continues?

I think you need to spend more time focusing on the causes of his problems and getting to the root of his problems and less on how you can punish him since the punishments don't seem to be having the effect you're looking for.

[PhaedraIsMyName]

Spot on littlemiss getting rid of the lizard is a terrible and inappropriate punishment.

I hated school sports and sports day. It was a colossal bore. My son oddly turned out quite sporty but if he hadn't I'd have been quite happy to collude with him missing sports days.

[PhaedraIsMyName]

Sorry, didn't rtft but littlemiss still had good advice.

[deakymom]

well you have made the threat carry it through and never make the threat again

i cancelled an expensive day trip with my family it was grim and the worst thing i've had to cancel but it was all i had left to do unless i decided to strip the room of everything but a mattress!

[deakymom]

plus im sure the beardies would like a new home it would take the strain off you and you could focus on the "why"

why truant

why hit

why misbehave

why when presented with a consequence do you prefer the punishment to the action

[misanthropologist]

For what it's worth I just ran the situation past my DB, the one with the school-skipping kid, and his thought is that in the same situation the animals are the last thing he'd worry about. He suggests you ask your DS how he'd feel with Mum or Dad walking him to every class through the school day, because that's what you're going to do next time he truants.

[SquigglySquid]

I'd really suggest counseling.

When I was being rebellious and acting out in school I was feeling suicidal and depressed. There's no way he can be acting like this and still feel proud and happy with himself.

My parents refused to acknowledge that it was anything more than me just being difficult, even after I attempted suicide. Don't be shit parents like mine were in high school. I love them, but they really fucked it up during my teen years. Don't make their mistake. Get your son some help. At the very least he might need an outside ear to listen to him.

[coffeetofunction]

You need to stick to your guns or he'll break the rules again & expect to not receive the punishment you threatened.

I will add, you need to get to the bottom of the behavior/school issues &maybe think if a better punishment

[CanadianJohn]

I've never heard the term "wagging", but I think it minimalizes the offense. In my world, not going to school is major.

[differentnameforthis]

I would not use a living thing as punishment, but in this case I think you need to follow through, you made a consequence, to not do it now would undermine your authority.

The fact that he is plenty old enough to know better & yet he doesn't even look after HIS pets would also play a big part in my decision.

[KatieKaye]

In two minds about this.
On balance I'd give him the chance to earn it back by a) perfect attendance and b) looking after all three by himself.
If he renames on either then all three go as he isn't looking after them and so doesn't deserve them. 14 is more than old enough to do this.
He has to learn that you can't just walk away from things you don't fancy, whether that us sports day or looking after a pet.

[KnackeredMuchly]

God - glad you changed your mind! Awful to teach your son pets are disposable.

[queenofthemountain]

Always a bit mtstified why people think you can never go back on a punishment if you have made a mistake?
What's that teaching kids? That you stubbornly stick to something even though you know it is wrong? Weird

[HolgerDanske]

I very much agree that although it's important to follow through on threats, it's also perfectly fine to admit that you made a threat without properly thinking it through and therefore you will be revising it.

Firstly, You cannot get rid of a loved family pet as a punishment. Secondly, it's really important to dole out consequences in such a way that they produce the desired effect. Decisions and actions that might cause huge resentment are counter-productive. You are not trying to 'break him' or hurt him, you are trying to teach him that actions have consequences.

I would think of another consequence, plus a way of him earning back his dragon.