Ex is stopping maintenance payments when DD2 leaves junior school

[Carrie370]

I have 2 DDs, 13 and 11. Both have been to private schools since reception, and my younger DD starts senior school in September. Their father and I separated 5 years ago (never married, and he has no parental rights in law as they were both born after Dec 2003) and have had a private financial arrangement up until now. He now maintains that the £400 a month he has been paying me was his contribution to DD2's fees until she left junior school, and that since he didn't agree to sending them to private senior school, these payments will stop in July. We have always had shared care 50/50, although on top of paying the school fees, I have paid for everything else too (music lessons, school trips, uniform, holiday childcare, etc, etc).

My DD2 has organisational issues, and is on the learning support radar; both current and future schools have suggested that this is not helped by the constant change of house during the week, and so I have decided to have them with me on 4 school nights. My ex does not accept that this means he will be liable for maintenance, thinks I am doing this just to try to get more money out of him (he has never read DD's ed psych report or been to any parent's meetings) and still states that he owes me nothing. He earns a good salary (as do I), but he and his new wife appear to have saddled themselves with a massive mortgage, such that he says he cannot afford to pay towards any of the girls' 'extras' (never mind the fees, which I have long-accepted I will have to pay).

I am bristling with fury (and before anyone calls me a privileged rich bitch, yes I am aware that my question may seem trivial to those really struggling). Does anyone know if I can pursue him via a solicitor, or do I have to go via the CSA (or whatever it is called now)?

Sorry for the long, ranting post!

[TwinkleTwinkleStarlight]

But up until now they have had 50:50 care, it is now that it is changing.

I would suggest mediation as I think this is a knee jerk reaction to having his contact cut.

[gobbynorthernbird]

CM has bollocks all to do with keeping a child in the style to which they were accustomed. What utter tosh.

[ballinacup]

So why isn't it a fixed rate per child gobby? Regardless of parental income?

[Booooooooooooooooooooo]

squatting I'm glad you posted those pics as I thought I'd used the calculator wrongly with so many people saying OP wasn't entitled to maintenance. I got the same outcome as you for 3+ nights per week with ex.

If you can afford it OP tell him to shove his money up his arse.

[gobbynorthernbird]

If that were the case then the NRP could pay more or less depending if the RP income changed. Or not have to increase payments if they got a pay rise, or have to pay a bigger proportion of their wage if they ended up on a lesser income.

[TwinkleTwinkleStarlight]

It is when it is split 50/50 that it isn't due under the new system not when it is 3 nights or less.

The OP states they have had 50:50 care, it is now changing.

[fifi669]

Every weekend off and maintenance..... Bloody hell that's a good deal....

[Booooooooooooooooooooo]

It says 3+ nights on the calculator though?

[TwinkleTwinkleStarlight]

Note that if there is truly equal shared care, no child maintenance is payable. (see Regulation 50 if the Child Support Maintenance Calculation Regulations 2012). However, if one parent receives child benefit then there is a rebuttable presumption that that parent is providing care for the child and should receive child maintenance.

This is extracted from FamilyvLaw Week- Chanes to Child Maintenance

www.familylawweek.co.uk/site.aspx?i=ed116359

[JohnnyBarthes]

I think doing the donkey work and not spending any weekend with your children is a bum deal, actually. I can't see many fathers being ok with that.

[TwinkleTwinkleStarlight]

*Changes and Family Law.

[Pastperfect]

Nothing makes me more sick on MN than swathes of posters suggesting that a mother should be grateful for every scrap that their child's father throws their way.

If as a father you earn a good salary you have a moral obligation to ensure that a significant proportion of that is diverted to your children. To hand over less than 15% of your salary to support your children because a third party agency says that is all is required is pathetic.

If as parents you decide that a particular school is the best for your child it takes a special kind of arsehole to change your mind because you want to prioritise a bigger house for you and your new partner

[MrsTerryPratchett]

PastPerfect I agree, except that he had the children half the time. With all that entails. What would his picture of this be? He has them half the time, still hands over 400 quid a month, they go to a school he doesn't think is the best choice and now their mother is unilaterally changing the arrangement WRT how much time he has with them.

He is being U to withdraw the money. The OP is being much more U to withdraw his time with them. I really didn't like the, "he has responsibility but no automatic right" thing. That chilled me.

[sexypantsformum]

So he has them half the time?
And pays £400 per month
And ( possibly) you get cb?
What has he done wrong?

He no longer wants them in private school, so you now want to say , well you don't have pr, so I'm changing access arrangements and now you have to give me more money?

Why do parents who do 50% split have to pay the other any maintenance?

[Carrie370]

They spend alternate weekends with me. It was true 50:50, but from September (when DD2 starts senior school) it will be less (in favour of me) for reasons stated.

God, I wish there were a 'like' button on this website; this is exhausting. Thanks to all that 'get this'.

The new system (from 2012) states that true shared care requires no payment in either direction. My arrangements started in 2009, so my ex's assertion that his payments were for private school fees implies that there are maintenance arrears from 2009 - 2012. However, I am not going there.

I don't get CM as my income is too high.

Booooooooooooooo I will tell him to shove his money up his arse

[JohnnyBarthes]

Your girls will know that you're the one who has made by far the largest contribution to their upbringing, op.

I'm not suggesting you bad mouth him (please don't) - they'll work it out for themselves.

[Chippednailvarnish]

Nothing makes me more sick on MN than swathes of posters suggesting that a mother should be grateful for every scrap that their child's father throws their way

Yep couldn't agree more.

[Pastperfect]

School fees, if you decide that they should be paid, are a joint expense regardless of residency and once you've made the commitment you need to see it through - unless there is a bloody good reason for your change of heart.

£400 hardly makes a dent into 2 x school fees and comments like "well the father didn't agree to music lessons" are ridiculous

[Carrie370]

Thank you, Johnny. I do indeed have their best interests at heart. I am no golddigger, and want what is best for them, without a doubt. I expect some contribution from the man who fathered them, however, (FORGET SCHOOL FEES!) particularly since I am paying thousands on giving them (what I consider - flak-deflectors on - the best possible education and start in life)

I would NEVER dream of bad-mouthing him to them.

[TwinkleTwinkleStarlight]

School fees, if you decide that they should be paid, are a joint expense regardless of residency and once you've made the commitment you need to see it through - unless there is a bloody good reason for your change of heart.

The OP has even said herself that it wasn't a joint decision at all. In fact he has no say in it at all.

[Carrie370]

Past and Chipped - cheers

[Carrie370]

Twinkle - and I'm not asking him to pay school fees.

[Inthedarkaboutfashion]

I don't think much of a father who would happily see his child leave their school because he doesn't want to contribute towards the fees that he CAN afford. The eldest child has already established herself in her current school and if the ex H wasn't happy about private schooling for secondary he should have raised it before she started. He should also be paying for 50% of the girls clothing, school meals, travel to school, uniforms, pocket money and enrichment activities.
They are his children and he should be happy to help fund them if he can afford to do so. He shouldn't need to give any maintenance if he is having them 50:50 and is paying for 50% of everything that they need.
I dont know why some posts seem like they are almost accusing the OP of being grabby just because she expects both herself and their dad to pay 50/50.
I'm guessing that if the OP and her ex were still together he would be more than happy for the girls to have a private secondary education.