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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want the teacher to hold my dd's ankle so she can't win the swimming races?

148 replies

fardyharp · 13/05/2014 14:32

dd3 is an excellent swimmer. She swims out of school three times a week and is very keen and dedicated. She has just started swimming lessons with the school and is by all accounts very far ahead of others in the class. This is fine and I still think good fun for her to go and learn to get on a coach and get changed with her mates etc etc. But she is getting really fed up because the teacher has started 'playing tricks on her' so that she can't win all the little races that they do at the end, either telling the others to go first (ok fair enough) but now grabbing her ankle as she turns. I think this is dangerous! She's only 8. She obviously hasn't said anything but she hates it :-(

She can't move up to an older group as they only take one year group at a time.

OP posts:
AgaPanthers · 13/05/2014 14:50

"Nobody should be grabbing her ankle but I can also see how it must be frustrating for the other kids that they have no chance of winning."

Why?

My son is shit at sport. He will never win anything. But he's good at maths.

It's just life.

You wouldn't exclude the best football player from the football team, or the best long jumper from doing the long jump.

FFS.

Nanny0gg · 13/05/2014 14:50

Nobody should be grabbing her ankle but I can also see how it must be frustrating for the other kids that they have no chance of winning.

Um. That's life...

Any of the children could be studying or training outside school which will make them better at something in school. How many boys go to football training? Who has a tutor?

The teacher should be holding her up as an example of hard work and practice, not holding her back (in a highly dangerous way).

MarcusAurelius · 13/05/2014 14:50

If she was fabulous at maths they wouldn't snap her pencil, this is ridiculous, anti-competitive and appalling sportsmanship.

frangiponi · 13/05/2014 14:51

That's awful! My 8yo dd is also a swimmer and often wins - it doesn't seem to be a problem for the other dcs. They know she will usually win but like to see who will be 2nd, 3rd etc. The coaches also focus a lot on your own times not just positions in races, so you are mainly trying to improve your own times.

Nanny0gg · 13/05/2014 14:51

Oh, and swimming is part of the curriculum, so asking her to judge is still lazy thinking by the teacher.

schokolade · 13/05/2014 14:54

Are you sure this is happening? Seems very bizarre,a and also quite difficult for the teacher to carry out without falling in.

nipersvest · 13/05/2014 14:56

for years i have been a parent volunteer at ds's school and spend every friday afternoon accompanying the swimming lessons. in each year group, there are always a handful of club swimmers who swim 2-3 times a week and do galas at weekends. yes they are exceptional swimmers, but i have never ever seen a teacher grab them by the ankle.

is it a school teacher who is doing this or a teacher the pool provides?

lampygirl · 13/05/2014 14:57

Replace "swimming" with maths, or science or some other so called "real subject" and it seems even more ridiculous. Children should be allowed to excel in their subjects, sport or PE being one of them. When I was at school I played a number of sports at county level and some even higher. I was once stopped from playing rounders because I hit the ball too hard so this type of thing really grates on me.

the whole class doesnt get a medal for participating in an english test, stop making PE so happy clappy everyone's a winner.

catsmother · 13/05/2014 14:58

FFS .... seeing what can be achieved might actually be an inspiration for other kids to try harder. Granted, not everyone can be a great swimmer, but there probably are those coming up who may not be as good as her - yet - but who enjoy swimming and who'd be encouraged by her ability.

I accept that sometimes a handicapped race might be a tactful thing to do - but ideally where not just your DD is handicapped, but also where other more able swimmers have to wait a few seconds as well so she's not totally singled out. However, I certainly don't think this should happen all the time .... she should be allowed to shine at what she's good at and made to feel proud of what she can do, just as with any other subject.

squoosh · 13/05/2014 15:02

Boring for the others if she wins every time but no she shouldn't have her ankles held.

Ludways · 13/05/2014 15:04

I'm with those who think this is appalling behaviour from the teacher. A woman who supposedly loves swimming so much that she's made a decision to make it her career yet she's actively discouraging someone who is good at it in a dangerous way? That makes me so mad!

Talent should be celebrated, even when that talent is sport.

pointythings · 13/05/2014 15:04

YANBU, this is appalling. Both my DDs were streets ahead of the others when they had school lessons (though not club standard) because I took them to private lessons. So yes, they always won any races that were held. It was dealt with by sometimes giving the others a head start, but not always, and by taking them aside and working on stroke technique with them to give them something to learn that wasn't easy.

They were also asked to demonstrate things (instructors not in the water) because they could do things in slo-mo and really show the others how it worked.

ChelsyHandy · 13/05/2014 15:06

Then the teacher should stagger the start so the others have more of a chance, rather than physically stopping your dd from swimming. This also has the advantage of giving your dd more of a challenge. Of course, the good coach will make sure the best swimmer still has a fair chance of winning often enough not to make them lose heart.

KatieKaye · 13/05/2014 15:10

Do they handicap the most talented football player too?
Somehow I doubt it.
The other children will know DD is the best swimmer. Staggered starts are ok some of the time but she should also have chanced to start with the rest of the group. Why shouldn't she win just because she is good???
Obviously ankle grabbing is not on. Apart from danger too Dd what if others copied this and got kicked in the face?
Teacher is wrong on all counts

cutefluffybunnes · 13/05/2014 15:16

What does the teacher do to the poor kid who's really good at singing? Or spelling? Or maths?

The others should be racing for second place, or working hard to swim faster than your DD.

Maybe sometimes a TA or coach could run timed swims with DD in another lane to stretch her abilities? If they can differentiate in maths, surely they can differentiate in the pool!

CabinetSauvinyoni · 13/05/2014 15:20

That's absolutely disgraceful!! I was a competitive swimmer at the same age but there were 3 of us that trained with the same club so at least it wasn't just me singled out during school.

Our teacher used us as examples to help the others in our class. We'd help suggest exercises and demonstrate correct techniques (especially for fly!). We could rarely swim properly as some of the pool was roped off so the less confident swimmers could do widths. We ended up getting training suggestions from our coach to help with kickwork and stroke technique and our teacher was fine with this.

We'd have races at the end of sessions and yes we always beat the rest of class, but it also pushed them to get much faster to keep up. However the teachers were always careful to make sure they gave plenty of attention to the rest of the class and if someone had displayed an improvement in technique or time, even if they didn't win the race, they'd get a special mention.

Your DD should be applauded for her talent, not physically held back by teachers that should be encouraging her.

YouAreCompletelyRight · 13/05/2014 15:23

What's wrong with your DD winning and the other kids having something to aim for? I would think having someone talented in the class is A. Good. Thing.

YANBU

ChasedByBees · 13/05/2014 15:24

That's outrageous! I'd complain to the head.

BreakingDad77 · 13/05/2014 15:28

This for me is where the "we are all winners" rubbish goes too far. They could give her a time handicap possibly, but she should be a beacon of what working hard can achieve.

I would be very angry of the ankle grabbing

angelos02 · 13/05/2014 15:34

I don't see why she should be 'handicapped'. Would you ask someone good at maths to start an exam 15 minutes after everyone else? FFS.

Roseformeplease · 13/05/2014 15:38

She is unlikely to be "top" in every area of the curriculum. Why can't she enjoy her moment of being the best?

Nocomet · 13/05/2014 15:44

This is ridiculous, DD had county grade swimmers and runners in her class.

It didn't bother them, they knew they weren't going to catch them. They apreciated their talent and cheered them like mad in interschool events.

struggling100 · 13/05/2014 15:48

I swam competitively at school. I still remember the early mornings, ugh!

I think you might be misinterpreting the reasons for this. My teachers also did this to me in school swimming lessons in primary school. They didn't hold my ankles, but they did make me start later than others, and applied different rules (no legs! no arms! weights!). But the teacher did take me aside and explain to me that this was so that I got some meaningful training out of the sessions and had to push myself a bit harder than I otherwise would.

I didn't find it discouraging, because I knew I could beat the entire class quite literally with one arm tied behind my back (as I could easily prove on the odd occasion when I was allowed to swim against them properly). But the handicap turned what would have been a very boring lesson into something that was actually useful for my training schedule, making me work on muscle groups that I would not otherwise have used. I actually got far MORE attention than any other child.

There isn't much glory in winning when you're not really against a competitive field, and there isn't much point to a competitive swimmer getting into a pool if you're not really going to train.

Rainbunny · 13/05/2014 15:50

I'm really bothered by the negative treatment your DD's teacher is giving her. By physically restraining her in the middle of a race it's basically a punishment to your DD for being fast. Let her start behind the other swimmers sure but this grabbing her ankle business is out of order. You don't punish a child for being better at something than her classmates; you recognize it and give her more challenging tasks, it's called teaching. You DON'T physically grab her to hold her back, that's a punishment and dangerous.

HeyBungalowBill · 13/05/2014 15:51

Absolutely ridiculous, I don't even agree that a handicap is fair Hmm

Since when was it ok to knock someone down just cause others dislike it? She's a child for god sake

I like the stop watch idea though as it'll give her a real competitor and will make her try harder hopefully!
Yes it's a shame for the ones losing but that is life.
In a competitive work place would they make life hard for the one doing the best? Nope, they'd most likely be promoted!