To say no to this boys' trip?

[Aibuaddict]

DH is a sociable type and very open to meet new people. Before our DD arrived a few weeks ago I was happy for him to head off on the stag do's of friends and even tenuous acquaintances because I know how much he enjoys them.

However, since DD has arrived I'm getting irritated that he would rather go on a stag do for someone he barely knows because other friends will be there than spend time with his family. BTW DH is not that young so not a too young to be tied down scenario.

I said no to a stag do abroad (again someone he doesn't know well!) that took place two weeks after DD's arrival and he's just asked if I can move a planned trip for us to go away with my parents in September so he can attend another random's send off up a Spanish mountain.

In all fairness he takes it well when I say no and I honestly have no problem him going on stags for people he's actual friends with but get irritated at how keen he is to spend the time away from family and divert now more scarce family funds for the sake of being with 'any the boys'.

WIBU to deck him to knock some sense into him? Does anybody else have similar issues?

[slithytove]

Btw, our family time manages to be something other than sitting in front of the telly with our mouths open. Might I suggest googling local attractions

[Alisvolatpropiis]

If this kind of thing is something you both usually can discuss and come to an agreement on, I don't see why you voicing you're not happy with his plans would be issue?

I don't think you're being controlling. I'm sure if the shoe was on the other foot and you were floating going away for a hen do he would feel the same

[Stupidgrl]

Her dd is a few weeks old, so I doubt she has exactly got her old life back!

[KathrynJaneway]

I know if a close friend of dh was having a stag do abroad he would probably go. However if it was someone he barely knew most likely not and I would be annoyed with him for wasting family money on it too. I think if money is a big issue then I would be discussing the real need to go, if he wants time away with his friends why not arrange a cheaper night or two closer to home with his closer mates.

[Orangeisthenewbanana]

YANBU - especially if these weekends away aren't with particularly close friends. I don't get the sense you're constantly banning him from doing stuff, and the timings of both of these justify asking him not to go. As others have said, it would probably frustrate me that he couldn't just work that out on his own but I suppose you never know if you don't ask.

Socially things change massively when you have DC but it doesn't mean you have to miss out on stuff. You just have to prioritise what you want to do most and accept that you can't do absolutely all the things you would have done previously. Seems like this is what your DH needs to get his head around.

[retrorobot]

Original poster: Your perception of how close your husband is to his friends may be completely askew. I have this problem with my own wife. She will say about someone "he's not a good friend of yours", perhaps because we only meet up every six months and exchange the odd email in between. However, male friendships, particularly of those married with young children, often amounts to that. The problem is wives looking at their husband's friendships as if they were their own. Men don't need to talk on the phone or swap messages etc. to be maintain a friendship. The fact that your husband is invited on this stage weekend suggests in itself some degree of closeness with the groom.

[KathrynJaneway]

I dunno about that Retro my dh was asked just recently on a stag and he's never met the groom before. He's been to a few stags in the past that I know of where he had only met the groom a handful of times or not at all.

[Jewk]

Yeah go ahead and deck him, it's only violence against men and that's not real violence is it !

[Nomama]

SBG - what about her, the mum, the one left at home holding the baby? Is she allowed some quality non baby time too? Would she be unreasonable at 2 weeks to leave him with the baby and go off on a hen do?

The answer is no for her just as it is for him. It really isn't about him not having fun time it really is about making those compromises so that both parents (OK I do mean the woman) get the support they need to take on their fair share of child rearing. Unless, of course you think that is a woman's work and he should be able to waltz off and live the single life still!

[diddl]

The first do I think he shouldn't even have contemplated.

This one I'm not sure.

Is the holiday actually booked?

In which case I don't get why he is asking.

If it is just being talked about & he is asking could it be the seek before/after then I don't think that that is too bad.

It's a yes or no answer.

Or is it that he seems to place these dos above all else?

[MostWicked]

Being considerate:
"How would you feel if I ...."
"Would you mind if I...."
"I've been invited to...., what do you think?"

What I don't like is asking permission like a child:
"Can I...."
"Am I allowed to...."

By asking permission it forces someone else to make the decision that you should have the consideration to be able to make yourself, and places blame on them for spoiling your fun, rather than you choosing to be considerate to your partner's needs.