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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask schoolkids on the bus I was on to watch their language?

141 replies

StudyFullTime · 29/04/2014 22:29

travelling on a bus at school kicking out time and school kids got on and sat by me and 4 year old ds, they start effing and jeffing, they couldn't be older than 13/14.

Anyway I let that go until one of them calls the other a fucking cunt so I turn to them ask could they watch their language please.

They do watch their language but are still mumbling.

Then I thought balls, should I have said that? So, wibu?

OP posts:
Eliza22 · 30/04/2014 08:14

YANBU. But school kids now do swear. I was in a queue last week with ds. Three young men (19 or 20-ish) were having a "conversation" in an over loud voice and every other work was "fucking". What a shower of s*e many people are. I didn't say one word and was glad DH wasn't with us as he'd probably have said something and who knows what....? A barrage of abuse? A punch? Being kicked senseless in the car park ? Anti-social behaviour is tolerated in the UK today because of fear.

HelenHen · 30/04/2014 08:15

YABU! If you don't want your kids exposed to the world, lock them in a basement! it's your job to teach them right and wrong, not a bunch of schoolkids on a bus!

Swearing is cathartic, even the c word is necessary in some circumstances! I've been swearing my whole life. The only reason I will limit it in front of my kids is because I don't want people like you being all judgemental of them simply because they have a broad and colourful use of language!

HelenHen · 30/04/2014 08:17

Lol Eliza, so because people swear, they must also be violent? They're just words! Judge much?

Martorana · 30/04/2014 08:21

I would send an email to the school too. We take the way our kids behave in public very seriously indeed.

"....the thing is that these teens were so obviously naice, middle class teens that I had no fear and knew they'd just forgotten themselves"

I have no words.........SadAngry

Martorana · 30/04/2014 08:23

So, Helen,you don't care if your "broad and colourful vocabulary" upsets other people?

HelenHen · 30/04/2014 08:30

Why the hell would my words, not spoken to you and none of your business, upset you? That's completely senseless!

Eliza22 · 30/04/2014 08:31

Yes, I'm a proper judgey-pants! Personally, if people can't refrain from calling their friend an "effing twat" in broad daylight, in a queue in MacDonalds when it's full of kids/families then to me, it says they don't care what people think or about how their behaviour may offend or upset others. Not nice people. Violent? Maybe, maybe not. But I do think you are more likely to encounter anti-social behaviour from someone with that kind of "I don't give a shit" attitude to others.

I swear like a navvy. Not in public though.

I'm sorry if, HelenHen, you don't care for my opinion. It is my opinion though.

Martorana · 30/04/2014 08:37

Helen- would you talk loudly in the bus about niggers and pakis? Or mongs and crips? After all, what you say is none of anyone else's business........

HelenHen · 30/04/2014 08:39

I care for your opinion as much as you care for mine Eliza Smile

For the record, I'm Irish! We're allowed express ourselves and not considered intimidating or aggressive because we say 'fuck' in public!

Perhaps it says more about your local society that you're so intimidated by everyone? That's not a good way to be!

Eliza22 · 30/04/2014 08:39

Excellent point Martorana. One I thought of but felt it to be too offensive to even write down. Never mind say, out loud, in a public place.

HelenHen · 30/04/2014 08:44

No Martorana, those words are descriptive and based on somebody's origin or race, not their twattish behaviour, and therefore offensive! Seriously you can't tell a difference between fuck and nigger? That's ridiculous!

Abra1d · 30/04/2014 08:47

We're allowed express ourselves and not considered intimidating or aggressive because we say 'fuck' in public!

When you're in a public space you shouldn't behave as though you're in a private space, regardless of whether you're Irish or not. I know lots of Irish people and they do not loudly swear in public places like buses.

Martorana · 30/04/2014 08:52

I'm Irish and I don't swear loudly in public!

So, describing somebody as a nigger loudly in public is offensive- describing somebody as a fucking cunt loudly in public isn't. Hmm. Can't quite see the reasoning there.......

As I said- email the school. We would want to know if any of ours was behaving objectionably in public.

Eliza22 · 30/04/2014 08:52

This reply has been deleted

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Eliza22 · 30/04/2014 08:54

Grin. Martorana, my dad's side are Irish too. He's dead now but I never, ever heard the man swear. Ever.

Mrsjayy · 30/04/2014 08:58

No yanbu well done for telling them off I did once or twice when dds were younger I usuallu said oiy thats enough they did mutter and mumble but least they stopped saying FUCK , they did stp when you asked them but tbh they cant sit still and be quiet because you told them off to them you are a witchy old woman and will mutter, you did the right think

Eliza22 · 30/04/2014 09:03

You're never too old (or young) to have or develop good manners and consideration for those around you. Comes down to that, for me.

OP, YANBU

Mrsjayy · 30/04/2014 09:04

exactly Eliza annoying people is just not on imo nothing wrong in telling them off for being rowdy

glenthebattleostrich · 30/04/2014 09:05

I love a good swear. I find it very cathartic, especially after a day dealing with little darlings. It's one of the reasons I love MN so much because after a rough day I can come on here and swear to my little hearts content. I particularly like the really offensive swearwords.

BUT, as a reasonable member of society I realise that my actions and behaviour affect others so I behave nicely when out and about. I don't swear, because I don't want my child and my charges hearing it.

The only unreasonable thing in the OP was that she hasn't had a word with the school too, I have in the past. And for the record I have also reported racist and homophobic language too.

Original poster
StudyFullTime · 30/04/2014 09:07

eliza I think you've hit the nail on the head, it's not so much about the language, I was in the Army so know pretty much every swearword known to man but it's a sign of the times I suppose.

It's sad to think people can do/say what they like, it's so entitled and leaves a really bad taste, I just feel the world would be a nicer place if we acted politely in public.

Maybe I'm just getting old and not down with the kids!

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 30/04/2014 09:09

teenagers have always been rowdy they mean no harm IMO but sometimes they do need telling that bawling and shouting and being rude on a bus isn't on,

Renniehorta · 30/04/2014 09:10

YANBU In fact I commend you. personally I am very reluctant to tackle teens on language/ behaviour in public. I am always scared that one is carrying a knife. I don't think that my fears are misplaced as we have seen this week in Leeds.

I was on a train recently when a group of about 8 lads got on. They were aged from about 8 to 16. The eldest looked under the influence of something and rapidly fell asleep. The remainder ran wild in the packed carriage. Swearing, pawing young girls and generally behaving in an antisocial fashion.

No-one said anything. This included the adults travelling with the young girls. The guard worked his way through the carriage and saw what was happening. He just checked their tickets and said nothing. I saw someone have a word with him at this point. However he walked away. I did think he might call for reinforcement at a subsequent station. Nothing happened at the next station and the lads continued with their awful behaviour.

At the next station 2 very drunk middle-aged men got into our carriage. They quickly saw what was going on and started on the lads. It was very unpleasant. As there were now empty seats in other carriages we and the other passengers moved away.

It was all very disturbing and was really caused by everyone not intervening. That included me of course.

Original poster
StudyFullTime · 30/04/2014 09:11

Should I email the school? it's quite a good school with a good reputation which is a shame.

OP posts:
Martorana · 30/04/2014 09:14

A kid at our school got a 5 day exclusion recently for, among other things, his behaviour on the bus on the way to school. Another boy at a different school had his bus pass taken away for a term and his parents had to find another way to get him to school.

nicename · 30/04/2014 09:17

The kids at a local school are quite colourful when it comes to bus language. It's quite a posh area so it is usually a stream on L'arndun-maite patois 'f@@*@@#####@@@@@@@@@@!! You c@@@@@ f'n**#@@ b@@@@@! - hey Julian, are you coming to Jasons boat party on Sunday?'. Usually a long, hard stare with raised eyebrows calms them down.

There is another school a bit further along where the lads are - well huge, bearded and also very vocal. The girls aren't much better tbh (not bearded), although I did have to do my best glaswegian when one girl kept trying to put her hand in my bag.

These are the ones who do shoulder-barge you, eye ball you and try to act like tough nuts. The only time I ever saw anyone successfully shut this lot up was on a very packed bus. An elderly carribean guy got on the bus and slowly went up the stairs with his walking stick. He stopped at the top, paused, looked at the kids slowly then just bellowed 'be-haaaaaveeee!'. Not a peep out of them. I suspect an ex teacher.

When I was younger, it wasn't uncommon for people to apologise if they swore and then saw a laydee or a child nearby.