to wonder why people treat babies' weights as a competition?

[Macocious]

So I was in a cafe today and overheard a woman talking about posting on Facebook that her baby was in the 75th centile for weight. She said her cousin commented something along the lines of "Wow, 75th centile? My baby is in the 2nd". She said to her friends "I thought, 2nd centile?! Does that even exist? How is your baby even alive?!"

What a stupid comment to make! My baby is small and looks very much alive to me. Don't some people realise they need to learn when to keep their bloody mouths shut? AIBU?

[Thouneedsbedamned]

I'm sorry happy

People really are thick/insensitive/twattish at times.

[JimbosJetSet]

I now feel the need to say that my 99.6% baby (see above post) was EBF and not given solids until 6 months to the day, although I shouldn't feel the need to justify myself

[CrohnicallyHungry]

I have to admit, I saw my baby's weight as a measure of success. Not a competition exactly. But I was determined to breastfeed, then when DD was born she wouldn't fed properly, all the midwives etc assured me she was just a sleepy baby. But by day 3 she had lost 9% of her birthweight and was jaundiced, so the midwife said if I didn't get her feeding my DD would be hospitalised. To cut a long story short, it turned out DD had tongue tie, but by the time it was diagnosed the surgeon said it wasn't worth the risks involved in snipping it.

So as my little baby got bigger and fatter and climbed up the charts, it meant I could see that she was now feeding successfully (seeing as my boobs didn't come with ozs marked on the side like a bottle) and all the pain and struggle in the early days was worth it.

[YellowYoYoYam]

YANBU

I have had two babies - one 9lb 8 and one 9lb 7. DD, my first baby, didn't follow the bloody centile chart, although she didn't lose weight, she put it on slowly. Not only did I have to contend with the flaming HV weighing her every week for months, but I had to listen to everyone else saying, oh, I thought she was a big baby? She's quite skinny isn't she. So-and-so's baby is the same age and is twice the size. I was so stressed and terrified about what it all ment, I didn't need to hear these comments.

Even now I'm onto DS who is, thank god, following the centile, people are still saying things about DDs weight as a baby. Someone actually said to me this week, he's more of a normal baby size, not like your DD.

I will never, ever pass comment on the size of someone else's baby.

[Goldenbear]

JimbosJetSet, I don't know if that was directed at my comments but I should say it's not what I think, I have just picked up on those thoughts. I formula fed DS (now 6) from 4.5 months and my MIL made lots of remarks about this and that I was overfeeding him. My partner's cousins were having babies at a similar time and at family occasions they would ask me why it didn't work out and that DS was 'massive' (he wasn't) they all had teeny tiny babies and were definitely proud of this- in my mind it is an odd thing to be proud over, similarly if your baby is big. I have a DD who is 3 now but was born on the 25th percentile and has gravitated around that and the 50th. I breastfed her until she was nearly 2 but they still say she's 'big', 'huge' etc. compared to their babies and they're not being complimentary. She is average in my eyes. Incidentally, they've all had 8.5lbs to 11lb babies at birth and have shown no concern, indeed a desire for them to fall down the percentiles. I've found this to generally be the case with friend's aswell so the desire is definitely for smaller babies.

[elliejjtiny]

DS2 has SN and was failure to thrive as a baby so at baby groups there would be all the competitive chat, then someone would remember and say "so how's ds2?" with the accompanying head tilt. They meant well but I hated that I was treated differently from everyone else. I had a befriender lady from barnadoes who used to come round once a fortnight who was lovely as we chatted about normal things like what had been going on in the soaps as well as talking about DS2 and her DS who had AS.

[Molotov]

I have found that people have commented far too much in the past aboit dd1's height/weight. More along the lines of small = cute/diddy/dainty whereas large = bad.

Oh my, she's SO TALL

What are you feeding her?

She's so much taller than all the others

She's definitely the tallest in the class

Over and over and over again.

I used to feel paranoid about it. Then when she turned 3, her body changed and now at 5yo, yep, she's still tall and she's still beautiful. A prime example of 91st centile lovliness (which is 6cm taller than the 50th centile average child).

At 2yo, dd2 is also tall. And she eats anything and everything, so is quite plump atm.

I get the same comments about her as I had, amd still get, with dd.

Lovely and tall, says I. So elegant

People should learn to be quiet and only say positive things about other people's children. We all come I different shapes and sizes, after all. I generally hate competitive parenting; this is the lowest form of it, to me.

[puntasticusername]

YANBU. I was traumatised by DS1's bf issues, which meant he put weight on very slowly in the first six weeks (when we FINALLY got the fucking latch right). I now have DS2, who fed well from the start. He's a few weeks younger than his cousin, whose mother is DESPERATE to compare our babies' weights with me. And I can't do it. I just can't talk about it. I cannot bear the idea of comparing him to another baby. I cannot let myself get into caring whether or not he's bigger than any other kid his age. I know he's fine, his multiple chins and gorgeous chubby knees tell me that well enough. Not to mention that he's the most contented baby I've ever seen.

She just keeps asking though. Sooner or later I'm actually going to have to have an honest conversation with her about why I don't want to discuss it, FFS

[ItsBritneyBitch]

Ermm my 6month old is 22lbs on 99.6th centile and is over 2 feet long!

I think I win?!

(That is actually true! She's a beast bless her chubby thighs)

[SumBex]

My SIL was awful for this, particularly as we had babies just days apart. She would constantly update me about how big her pfb was . Her second was born at quite a large weight and her dad mentioned this in his speech at the child's christening like it was some kind of major achievement. Again .

[JimbosJetSet]

Golden - certainly not having a dig at you, sorry. What you said rings true - people assumed I was FF/ weaning early and also I'm rather sensitive about weight issues!

[TheFlumpFlan]

I hate it. The only thing anyone every says about Dd is "oh she's small". She's pretty and developmentally fine but off the bloody charts which is highlighted by her tall parents and siblings. You leave the house and let her walk and it can take ages to get to the shops because every passing stranger has to tell me she's tiny in case I didn't spot it. It's daft but I just got upset trying her pretty 9-12 months stuff on her, she triple I've the dress hems. She's 19 months so she's in worn out 6-9 months rags with armfuls of clothing bought for her by the extended family now going up to age 2. They adore and spoil her but don't see why they can't just keep buying clothes for her when she hasn't grown into last year's stuff.

[Pigginnora]

God I'm feeling a bit embarrassed... I'm on dc 6. I don't know about centimes or charts or any of the stuff on this thread. I have never attended a weighing clinic.

[Goldenbear]

Oh I wasn't being snipey- sorry If that came across like that.

[technosausage]

This happened to me today, my dd (nearly 3 weeks) is a little dot she's only just hit 7lbs. She was being compared to a friends dd who is a week older and was 9lb 8ozborn.n I breastfeed, friend formula feeds. So you can guess which way the conversation way going
Someone even said that breastfeeding makes baby underweight... no I just (luckily) have tiny babies and my friend has huge ones!

[littlegreengloworm]

Ah, I don't get into it all. Goes in the book. Myself and dh talk about it. But what does it matter. He is 91 percentile but I don't think it's worthy to get into a competition over. I am so happy to have him that is he was a two pound little man what difference would it make.

[technosausage]

*Babies

[Gurnie]

Isn't it weird the strange things that people say about babies, both their own and others? No wonder lots of new parents feel so insecure. Yes, I got this sometimes from people too because Dd was 5 lb 6 oz. I don 't know why, she was late, she was just small. Who cares, she was and is absolutely fine.

[PansOnFire]

YADNBU, I used to get so upset by this when my DS was a baby. Everyone comments on how 'big' he is and they always question how old he is despite me telling them - "is he really only 18 months?" Erm yes. I'm sure I know how old my child is thanks!

He was 7lb 13oz when he was born 50th centile for weight and 75th for height so he's not massive, but I've been made to feel like I've been over feeding him and not giving him opportunities for exercise. My in laws have been the worst for this because the babies on that side of the family have been tiny in comparison. As a FTM it's very upsetting to have people question why your child is like he is and to be made to feel that there is something wrong when there absolutely is not. It can have such a negative effect on confidence and mood when things are difficult anyway, people should think before they say anything.

Competitive parenting hacks me off, at a baby group I went to it was all about which babies were behaving like toddlers already when they were ten months old. Now it's about which nursery they will all be attending, there is always something someone will be competitive about. You have to learn to ignore it otherwise it will make you feel bad about things which are completely irrelevant or out of your control.

[GoatBongoAnonymous]

And if you have a prem the comments go on FOREVER. When Babygoat was 5 months old I was still being asked how many days old he was, and when I explained what age he was, usually there was outright disbelief - "no he's not, he's far too small!"
Now he is 21 months and on the 91st centile for height. So ha!

[PunchHouse]

My (foreign) MIL and SILs go in for the opposite game of competitive smallness.

I remember MIL getting all misty-eyed remembering her joy at her second child being a teeny tiny daughter. And both SILs are bafflingly proud of having had babies on the small side

[MoominsAreScary]

True goat, ds3 was 8 weeks early and 4 lb now at 3 hes 97th centile for height I think they said.

Ds1 was 11lb 2 at birth but was a really skinny butvlong baby from about 5 months

[Joylin]

People can be very strange, people constantly commented on how much older she looked (they still do), she has been on the 98 percentile for height and 90 for weight since birth, I was congratulated on it as if it was some sort of achievement when in reality I was a sturdy baby/toddler so it's just inherited.

My insane sil overfed her same age, much smaller baby to try and compete with mine for complements from the equally crazy inlaws Her poor toddler is a more than a head and a half shorter than mine and about twice as wide due to that nonsense

It's so ridiculous, babies are born different weights and it's no indication of health, every baby needs to be fed properly and later exercised so they can grow healthy and strong, whether that means they be a tiny ectomorph or a tall sturdy mesomorph.

The focus on size is damaging, especially when parents of tiny babies feel pressure to fatten them up by overfeeding them. Parents of larger ones can question whether they're doing something wrong as well, in certain circles there could be pressure to underfeed to slim them down.

[Tulipblank]

I think I might win!!!

My (pre weaned) ebf ds is about an inch above the top of the centile charts for height and weight, and has been since about 3 weeks old. He started off on the 99.8th centile.

I think he was about 26 lbs at 6 months. Don't know what he weighs now at 9 months but he's in age 2 clothes.

The only "prize" is aching arms and a sore back.....

[mangomodellingclay]

A friend of mine annouced her birth to me with "I beat your weight" she didn't but I wasn't going to ruin her post-birth bubble. It isn't something you can control so YANBU