The whole school thing is not what I expected

[Chocolatecookies]

We are now into year 1 and I'm still feeling a bit let down by the whole primary school thing.

I thought it would be:
Lots of like minded parents
Lots of nice children
Nice walks to school, happy chats on the way home
Play dates, parties
New friends made etc

In reality it's:
Lots of small town cliques who ignore you
Some really cross kids who's behaviour is a tad worrying
A death trap getting to and from school, loads of cars, grumpy child all the way home
Had one or two play dates but dc hasn't really found a special friend yet

Dc is doing ok, reading well, I like the staff. But I guess it's just not the 'dream' I thought it would be! I always smile and chat to anyone but its not easy.

End of term blues, reality or time to look for something else??

[DioneTheDiabolist]

What does your DC think of the school?

[Chocolatecookies]

HobbetInTheHeadlights- again this sounds very familiar. Is it any better for one of your dc, does a different class have different attitudes? I just wonder if I will have a different experience with my other dc as they come through.......bit that doesn't help my eldest!

[Chocolatecookies]

Dione- dc says they want to play more, equally they say they really like literacy, some children are really naughty and annoying, playtime can be rough, they like assembly!

[parakeet]

I cannot believe you are allowing your friendship problems to influence one iota your decision on whether or not to change your children's school. You are being selfish to the point of narcissistic.

The purpose of school is not to allow yummy mummies to arrange their coffee mornings.

[tettoni]

OP I don't think YABU at all to feel disappointed about the other parents. Yes of course the main priority is your child, and you've touched on that too, but in a small town, if you're not working (?), school is the centre of your social life. It's ok for you to feel unhappy if you don't know like minded people locally! Your happiness is important too. Do you drive? If you're both unhappy are there options further afield that might suit you better? Village schools maybe?

[tettoni]

Oh god are people so bored they need to attack the OP on made-up grounds?? She's said that her child's not fitting in well too.

[scottishmummy]

I'm afraid you've personalised school,it's not about you.You're not at school

[JewelFairies]

YANBU My dd used to have a tantrum coming out of Reception at the end of the day because apparently I came to collect her too early . It's not what I expected either but it made me quite happy that she had such a fantastic day that she didn't want to come home. The pattern has continued through year 1 and 2 although she's not been quite so happy to be asked to do more work

We also have
Lots of like minded parents
Lots of nice children
Nice walks to school, happy chats on the way home
Play dates, parties
New friends made etc.

It is not impossible to change schools if yours falls short in all of these.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

OP, the DC's reply sounds pretty standard. Why did you chose that school?

[Chocolatecookies]

My focus is on my child - I just want them to be happy

[tettoni]

Coldlightofday Have you ever been a newcomer in a small town? I know it might sound pathetic but that's how a lot of mums see it. Just as lots of people see their work friends as their main social circle. And no, of course it's not a basis for decisions about a child's education but the OP has said her child isn't happy.

[HerrenaHarridan]

Gosh your coffee machine is what symbolises your lifestyle choice
I don't even have one

I would say in part home ed is a lifestyle choice, considering that the alternative is styling your life around school opening and closing, I would go so far as to emphasise the choice part.

Op in many country's they don't start school til they are 7, why not just contact your local HE community and see
It's much less the preserve of hippies than it used to be, the Edinburgh network is flooded with yummy mummies these days.
At one of the recent meets one of the women told me she would never have considered HE until she saw which school her dd was going to end up in

[Chocolatecookies]

Dione- it was the closest and most welcoming of parents help and opinions etc. the head was very honest. The second school was still walkable but the head was very odd! The third school was the best but very over subscribed, lots of my friends children go there, often their siblings don't get in!

[Chocolatecookies]

Don't have a coffee machine here either! Herrera - my only concern about HE is fitting in working, and ensuring dc has peers around them.....

[morethanpotatoprints]

Chocolatecookies

My dd just got fed up and bored with it after a few years and wanted to do more with her time.
Some of your dislikes are what we are celebrating not having to do/ put up with now.
H.ed isn't radical really, so many more people are opting for it now.

[Paleodad]

School is very much a lifestyle choice, and it's aspirational. I want my DC to go to better schools than i did, to have a better education, and to be involved in a nice friendly school community consisting of staff/kids/parents.
We're lucky enough to have found that, and YANBU OP for wanting that for your DC either.
And i don't have a coffee machine i do, on the other hand, have a stovetop moka

[HobbetInTheHeadlights]

Been a different experience for all of them - youngest has close friend though GP friendly we don't see outside school not helped by split busy parents.

DS - we got moved to other class in year at time they were doing minor mixing up of classes anyway and he's been happier.

Eldest is o.k - teachers say she fine in YR 3 other DC from different schools joined and she made friends there - plays with older an younger DC and other class but enjoys seeing her brother and sister at lunch time break. Friendliest parents in this year. Have been worried about her though her reception year she had loads of friends but was the class mix separate her from most them and a few left have move to different schools since due to family moves.

Schools very big on friendly inclusive atmosphere and most of the teachers very good at managing behavior - else I'd be a bit more worried about DS and DD1. Plus we won't be here for secondary due to DH work - though schools the DC from their primary go two is now very split anyway.

[bobot]

OP, if you are on facebook, there is a group called Flexischooling Families that may help you if you are interested in that option.

I do have HE-ing friends who work. They either use childminders or family for childcare - my children were very busy socially when Home Educated, we were lucky and there is a thriving HE community locally. In other areas I guess Scouts, sports clubs, etc would be the place to make friends? definitely worth going along to a HE group and seeing what's out there. Yahoo groups have a HE mailing list for most areas of the country.

coldlight, I think we're talking at cross-purposes, I was thinking more of a lifestyle choice as in a choice about the way the whole family live, rather than choosing a coffee machine! My DCs' education very important to me, but choosing school is definitely choosing a certain path, is more what I meant.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

OP then it sounds fine.

The reality is that most Reception children (all children for that matter) complain that there is not enough playtime.
The school run is always a nightmare because 100s of children must turn up at the same time with their car driving parents.
Playdates are not the norm for this age. The children are young and not every parent wants to have to spend time with other parents that they don't know and may end up not liking. Playdates become more normal as the child gets old enough to go without the parent.
In Reception, all the other children are older and bigger and indeed rougher without meaning to be.
Your child is still young and therefore can be tired and grumpy when picked up.

If you want to get to know the other parents, I suggest you speak to the receptionist about volunteering and other parent activities at the school.

Unless you have worries regarding your DC's education at this school I would leave them be.

[ShadyLadyT]

I do actually have some sympathy for you, OP. But I think the school sounds fairly standard. Your DC will settle in time probably, and if you get involved with the PTA etc, you might feel a bit more part of things yourself and make some friends.

[PerhapsNot]

Probably best if you don't join the PA then

[balenciaga]

Aww I was the same op

Moved to new area when dc1 was ready to start ft. I too expected all that, the reality was v different!

However 4 years on, I now got 2 dcs in ft and have made friends slowly but surely. Basically about a year in I decided to stop trying too hard and not give a shit and ironically that's when I made friends. And dcs will make friends naturally anyway so don't stress x