To Think 'No' It's Not Something We Should Just Put Up With..

[NurseyWursey]

Warning TMI and long!

I have a variety of health problems (believe me I would have died in days of yonder) but there's one thats particularly worrying me.

Everytime I have an orgasm, I bleed. And I mean I have to run to the toilet because there's a gush of blood, about a cup full. Followed by extreme pains in my lower abdomen. It's not just through penetrative sex, it's orgasm and only orgasm. (good job I don't fake them!)

I've had all sorts of tests done, they've found nothing.

I recently saw a consultant, who had a look with a camera and put it up on the screen. She kept saying 'look at your cervix' and I didn't really want to, but she was insistent. There was a tiny scratch on it and she went 'aha, we have found the problem'. I told her that most definitely wasn't the problem, there was far too much blood, it doesn't explain the pain and doesn't explain why only during orgasm.

She then said 'oh well, it looks like it's something you'll just have to put up with - part of being a woman ey!' then a wink.

I've been to A&E through the pain, I'm now terrified of the pain, I'm scared of the amount of blood... but it's something I should put up with because I'm a woman?

Sorry I know it's ranty but could do with some advice and if anyone has experienced the same?

[struggling100]

OK, I am starting to get evangelical about this!

I am suffering from horrible, heavy bleeding for 3 weeks out of every 4, (and it gets worse after sex) and have had exactly the same response from the medical profession. A load of investigations, which haven't found anything serious - some minor fibroids, a little bit of a hormone imbalance, a slightly enlarged ovary - all of which have been dismissed as not worth treating. My GP just keeps telling me that I'm normal. But I don't feel normal! It's seriously affecting my sex life, my confidence - and I can't even leave the house some days because it is literally so heavy that I have to be within feet of a loo.

I posted on here (in the health section) about it, and immediately got a PM from another women in the same boat. I suspect that there are LEGIONS of women out there in the same boat.

What annoys me is that when I go to the cinema, there are well-funded campaigns about premature ejaculation, about male sexual anxiety. Anything that interferes with a man's ability to get it up is treated as terribly serious (and rightly so). But NOTHING on this issue, which is every bit as debilitating for women. I feel like we are below the radar and being ignored.

I propose that we GET TOGETHER and DISCUSS what we can do about this, both in terms of sharing what we have tried ourselves, offering mutual support and maybe even lobbying for some change. We should have a thread on Mumsnet at very least.

[GarlicMarchHare]

horrible, heavy bleeding for 3 weeks out of every 4, (and it gets worse after sex) and have had exactly the same response from the medical profession.

Yes, I had this too, for 15 years! The doctor doing a routine check-up at a GUM clinic spotted PCOS - by which time it was too late to get pregnant again (multiple miscarriages & inconclusive pg test results, all shrugged off by HCPs.) I've recently been diagnosed with low thyroid, which I only know is linked with PCOS thanks to the internet. Not one of the numerous doctors I've consulted made the link.

I absolutely agree, women's sexual & reproductive health comes a lot further down the medical agenda than men's. I'd hoped this was being addressed now. Am disgusted to see it's not.

(As a side note, why are they still using diagrams showing a gaping vagina? If medics can't even recognise the outside properly, no wonder they're clueless about the inside!!)

[struggling100]

GarlicMarchHare - God, I've had it for 3 years. The idea of 15 years of it makes me want to scream!

They have looked for PCOS in my case - and found 'a bit', but again not enough to warrant action. My problem seems to be lots of comorbidities: PCOS, small fibroids, hormone imbalance. Each individually is not serious; together, they are causing symptoms that are just awful to live with.

I feel that behind all this there is still some concept that women's sexual lives are less important, less likely to cause anxiety/psychological problems if they go 'wrong' than men's. Even reproductive issues aren't taken seriously - I have had to give up TTC because of these problems, and they just don't give a damn. I'm 36, so my chances of having a child are draining away, and I can't do anything but look on hopelessly.

[GarlicMarchHare]

YYY, struggling, and all those factors are inter-related. Just because there's no known etiology or cure for polycystic ovary syndrome (ie, collection of symptoms,) it doesn't mean we should just have to put up with it The symptoms are treatable individually but it shouldn't be such a Sisyphean task to get the continuity of care required by the syndrome! Gah!

Have they, at least, given you meds to reduce the cramping & improve clotting? Sorry, I've forgotten what they're called.

With the clarity of hindsight, I'd have chosen to stay on the pill and accept I wouldn't have a live birth ... such a pity the options are not made clear enough, soon enough.

[GarlicMarchHare]

It might not be relevant in your case, struggling, but I eventually had the lumpy ovary removed by keyhole surgery (was one the first in the UK ). The other one kicked in straight away and I did still have monstrous periods, but with less pain & flooding.

[Nousernameforme]

Apologies if this is repeating what someone else has said but are you or have you been on the depo injection as there are a few women on this link
www.netdoctor.co.uk/interactive/discussion/Bleeding-after-orgasm-non-penetrative-t52212-f26.html
(not the same as the link upthread i checked) and they all seem to have the depo injection in common theres mention of it drying out the uterus and the contractions from the orgasm causing severe period pains and blood loss.

Too bloody right you don't have to put up with it what a shit response from your doctor

[Nousernameforme]

www.netdoctor.co.uk/interactive/discussion/Bleeding-after-orgasm-non-penetrative-t52212-f26.html

[NurseyWursey]

Thankyou everyone I'm taking on board everything you've all said and it's given me many more ideas and much more hope.

I think there is a larger issue here, how women are supposed to just deal with things like this like struggling said something should be done and there should be more awareness. Even being on contraception and being expected to put up with the extra bleeding that may occur. If a man was bleeding from his penis (albeit I know this would be even more unnatural due to lack of periods) it would be taken more seriously.

[EBearhug]

She then said 'oh well, it looks like it's something you'll just have to put up with - part of being a woman ey!' then a wink.
No, it's not! Most women don't bleed on orgasm, nor experience pain, certainly not to the level of ending up in A&E. It absolutely isn't something you should have to put up with. I quite agree that if a man were bleeding from his penis, they wouldn't get told "oh well, it looks like it's something you'll just have to put up with - part of being a man ey!"

I've got no medical ideas, and it looks like you've got some ideas about what else to try, but I would definitely be complaining about this sort of attitude. It's making me feel angry, and I'm not having to go through it.

[NurseyWursey]

I so wish I would have said something then and there. I think it was just the shock and the vulnerability of the position I was in. She then left the room as I was getting dressed and had no further discussion.

I think it's more frustrating because it's a fellow woman coming out with these silly comments about women having to deal with stuf.