to think attitudes to carers still stink in this country?

[fideline]

(There is a small element of 'fred about a fred' to this, for which apologies)

1. Having been engaged in a lengthy difference of opinion with me on another thread, a poster has this evening announced that she can see from my posting history that I am 'not a grafter'.
   
   She can only be referring to the 'years out' that I took to care for my child who has Autism (the only break from paid employment I have ever had).
   
   
2. Also this week, have applied for my first PAYE job in a while (10 hours a week to supplement my freelance career and provide variety). A friend in a related (mine is very niche) field offered to look over the CV I had adapted for the purpose.
   
   Even she (I am disappointed) made a remark to the effect that I couldn't call the years in question a 'break to provide care for a family member' as the person in question is my child.
   
   Two in one week. I'm speechless.
   
   
   
   
   
   

[Smilesandpiles]

I'm averaging a night out once every 2 years if I'm lucky. We have someone who ds is comfortable with BUT it takes 2-3 months to get him used to the idea that someone else will be doing his routine with him for 1 evening.

It then takes another, what? 7-8 months AFTER that for him to feel secure again. This is someone who we have known for YEARS and lives 5 doors down.

For 3 years I've been having sleepless nights because he's moving from primary to secondary school this year. 3 YEARS of worry over something that everyone else just takes in their stride.

[LetZygonsbeZygons]

Gosh Fid and Smiles you are all absolutely spot on.

[Smilesandpiles]

The kids would go into care and it would cause mental damage to them that will never heal. That's what would happen so we have no choice but to carry on.

Having a nervous breakdown would be a fucking luxury.

[NecklessMumster]

So those family care breaks wouldn't work either. You could still ask for a carers assessment to see if there was anything else that might help.e.g Have paid for driving lessonsand gym membership. But I know no good if u can't get out

[fideline]

Well exactly Smiles but I wonder if gov't have done the calculation?

I'm surprised that more people don't crack. (Actually I think I did crack on the kitchen floor one night, a few years ago, but you're right, we get up and carry on)

[Smilesandpiles]

I'll have a look at it Neckless but I'm not holding my breath. Anything is worth a go so thank you.

Why the hell didn't anyone else tell me about carers assessment? All the bloody professionals I have to deal with and not once has this been mentioned.

[fideline]

If your LA refuse to give you carer's assessment you can complain to the Local Gov't Ombudsman.

Wrack your brains for things you could do with to help you/

[LetZygonsbeZygons]

Anything in the budget today about carers allowance and DLA, or shall I look up to the sky to see if a flying pig goes by?

[Smilesandpiles]

I forgot about the budget today to be honest. I'm not expecting anything, maybe cuts, but that's it.

[Smilesandpiles]

A quick look at the headlines says:

Welfare cut to 119 million and Bingo tax is halved

I wonder which PM or their mate has invested in gambling?

"Pension credits, severe disablement allowance, incapacity benefits, child benefit, maternity and paternity pay and universal credit will all be within the scope of the cap."

Have they just capped DLA then?

[Cobain]

My ds2 gets respite it cost £300 for 24 hours accessed through social services and yet carer is £55 for a week. I do not tell people about my situation but do get their unwanted input. I liked to see how long they would cope on two hours sleep a night for 10 years.

[Smilesandpiles]

Oh Cobain, I hear you on the no sleep thing for 10 years.

[HadABadDay2014]

I am extremely lucky with the support I get for my son ( relatives)

I survive on coffee and red bull, after maybe if I am lucky 4-5 hour sleep a night.

I didn't realise that carers allowance was deducted from IS, that is fucking shocking.

Having a disabled child is not a life of Larry, it's hardwork.

[Smilesandpiles]

I wouldn't say deducted.

You get x amount of IS. CA is most of IS ringfenced and then given to you monthly instead of fortnightly like IS.

It's pointless to be honest.

[Mercythompson]

There are, honestly, times when I dream about having a nervous breakdown, because then some one else would take responsibility for a while and it wouldn't be my fault!!!

I don't get carers as I run a small business from home, and am already worrying about if we will get dla when it comes up for renewal in oct!!!

[Mercythompson]

Because if you earn over £100 a week, you don't get carers, because £100 a week is totally enough to live on!!!!

[Smilesandpiles]

I'll never understand why DLA in some cases needs to be reviewed...it's not as though limbs will grow back or mental disabilities are cured overnight.

[momb]

YADNU!
My OH is a support worker in a very challenging environment. He works really hard and makes a difference to peoples lives on a daily basis. He is a professional carer FFS, and gets paid barely above minimum. It's an endemic view in this country that those who care for others, whether in a professional or family capacity, are somehow worth less than those who do the same job in a medical capacity. Really really wrong, and a view which isn't reflected the world over. Definitely a UK cultural thing.

[LetZygonsbeZygons]

momb that's cos moneys more important being looked after than human beings. hence the bankers.

and smiles yes, I have to report every 6 months to the local job centre to say 'yes, DCs STILL disabled, yes I work 168 hour week, no breaks, no holidays, for the rest of my life, no she will NEVER be well or cured, yes she STILL has lifelong disabilities......''

all so if I DONT turn up there they take away any benefits I get.

[elliejjtiny]

YANBU. I care for DS2 for the princely sum of £55ish a week and for DS4 for free because I can only claim carers allowance for 1 child. The compass carers people said they'd help me but all I get from them is a magazine that tells me about the courses I can go on to teach me about lifting and dementia. I had to have a C-section with DS4 and I begged them not to because I was a carer for DS2 but they did it anyway and DH had to take weeks off work because I couldn't lift DS2 for 8 weeks. I'm terrified of something happening to me because I'm literally the only one who can look after DS4.

[LetZygonsbeZygons]

FFS.

loads of brown envelopes in post today.

1- bedroom tax rent gone UP. (trying in vain to move but no one wants a 'large cupboard' which gov now say is a bedroom).

2- cars gone completely. we HAVE to have a car for our disabilities yet because we can both actually put our feet on the floor they wont help us.

3- income support LESS.

4- Carers support LESS.

5- council tax to pay.

LESS even though DC getting worse by the day as she gets older. Im so fecking sick and tired fighting for my childs rights all the fucking time.

where is HER human rights?

I just want to end it all, seriously, me AND her. we both cant take any moe.

this fucking shitty bloody government.

[MyBaby1day]

YANBU, I am always saying carers are not treated well in England. I will always remember Tony Blair saying how FT carers should work and care at the same time! , can you imagine that?, poor worn-out carers working too. IMO carers do work!, bloomin hard!. He said you should juggle it with your caring responsibilities, you can't possibly juggle sick people, crazy man!

[Dawndonnaagain]

Carer's allowance is deducted from Income Support, it is counted as: money you already have coming in and all bar about 15 quid is taken from the Income Support.

[x2boys]

I care for my son who is autistic and work full time its damned hard I,m coming to the conclusion we may all be better off if I take a few years off from work.