I have always wanted to teach. However, I also thought I was infertile until I fell pregnant with dd1. I now have two dd2's age 5 years and 15 months. They are more important to me than anything. My dp of 3 years wants us to move to live with him. He was meant to move to live with us before dd2 was born but complications with his exW and his children meant this changed at the last minute. This is true, and not an excuse on his part.
I am in the end stages of my degree. Dp wants to live together once I've graduated. This means I cannot afford to train as a teacher. I would love to all live together, and would be happy to be a SAHM until the children are all 9/10 which he is happy to support but then what? I'd be older and unqualified and I don't want to end up working in a supermarket and be bitter that I didn't go for my ambition.
In an ideal world I'd continue working part-time and self-employed until dd2 is 3 then train as a teacher. This would mean not living together for around 3 years which he hates the thought of but would support. The kids and I are settled and in a routine so would continue to cope fine. If I move in with him I'd have to quit my job as the childcare costs wouldn't be covered. I know I should train this year and get it done then move in with him but I hate the thought of dd2 being in childcare so much so young and would not be able to fully commit to my training because of that.
Moving in with him doesn't mean seeing him any more than we currently do as he works long hours and can't be relied on to do anything around the house or with the kids. But I would like to be a normal family and just enjoy life. If any of these ramblings have remotely made sense to you, perhaps you can advise and tell me if iabu in what I want and for having no clue what to do?
AIBU?
to be completely torn between career and family life?
MamaSmurf99 · 03/03/2014 15:03
Oh wow, when I posted I hadn't seen that they (or at least the youngest) are HIS kids and you're choosing to live alone to milk single parent grants 
so he'd gain someone to keep house and take care of all things domestic
what would you get out of it?
you'd lose your career, you wouldn't see him any more than you do now, and you'd just be the domestic drudge for a man who claims to not even be able to wash a plate.
what's in it for you?
You won't even have the legal protection of marriage?
I am not being mean, honestly 
I sincerely can't see a benefit to you. You're just going to be on here in a year, tearing your hair out because you gave up your dream of being a teacher to move in with a bloke you hardly see and who does sweet fa on the domestic front.
I mean, I totally understand why he wants you over there. I don't understand why you're so keen.
I assume also that you would take some responsibility for the step children? They would visit? You would provide some care, cooking, cleaning, etc?
In your shoes, I'd compromise on the childcare. It won't hurt your child one little bit. Get the qualifications first. Then you can go there if it would still be your choice to do so, get married, have the career you want and be able to afford childcare and possibly a cleaner.
In the meantime, nothing much changes for him. He still sees you as much as he does now and would then, and he still has his current cleaner.
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