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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to bath my children this infrequently?

134 replies

terrificallytremendous · 28/02/2014 14:06

Dp has two children who are aged 6 and 7. Their mum has said we cannot have them in school holidays because when we have them (for one night at a time at present) we don't bath them. She says dsd is at a 'tender age' and at home her 4 children have baths separately every single morning.

My children are 6 years and 20 months and they share a bath three times per week in winter, more in summer. Apart from the expense of water, I think every day is excessive as they just don't get that dirty in winter and see it as a waste of time to get up early to bath everyday. Aibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
terrificallytremendous · 28/02/2014 22:18

It is court ordered but up for review in may. We have a 3night break booked for April and judge said to agree dates for holiday contact between them but she won't agree because of the baths. If we promised to bath them it'd be something else. It's just bloody annoying as they'll miss out even though she originally told them they were coming and we and our dc are looking forward to them coming, we've paid for them etc.

OP posts:
littledrummergirl · 28/02/2014 22:26

I make sure dd(9) has a bath every Sunday. She jumps in when she feels like it other than that.
Ds1(13) showers every morning before schook and after exercise otherwise he stinks.
Ds2 (12) showers every morning and after exercise to get in the habit.
Dd will shower every day when she gets to secondary school.

lookingfoxy · 28/02/2014 22:29

Dd 8mnth bathed 2 or 3 times a week, Ds 9, will jump in bath after its topped up after her, then followed by me!!
On other nights ds will have a shower if hes been at a club as hes usually running around and sweaty. Otherwise he would be the 2/3 times a week.

SergeantJarhead · 28/02/2014 22:29

YANBU Op. My Son (11 months, almost a year, woo!) is only bathed a maximum of three times a week and then he has to be washed carefully with uber gentle soap and only a little amount due to very sensitive skin which tends to go red and become quite painful.

My sister prides herself on bathing her kids every night as anyone who doesn't do this is scum Hmm

Do whatever suits you Op.

namechangejustforthisone · 28/02/2014 22:37

My three have a bath every singe day, and wash their hair! However, most of my friends don't do this and some only wash their hair once a week. Their children aren't smelly!

namechangejustforthisone · 28/02/2014 22:43

single, that is

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers · 28/02/2014 22:48

Am I right in thinking that her 6 yo DD and yours have the same father? If you fell pregnant very shortly after she did then perhaps she has massive ill feeling towards you?
Agree YANBU.

Nocomet · 28/02/2014 22:49

Twice a week and swimming lesson shower is quite enough.

I don't think my teens DDs shower more than 3 times a week. I don't bother keeping track beyond reminding them to shower and do HW if they are busy later in the week.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 28/02/2014 23:13

Dd (nearly 4) is bathed twice a week. Plus wet wipe on bum on non bath days. She has eczema of the "super dry skin" variety and this is what the doctor advised. She is naturally very clean though.

Ds (9 months) is bathed 3 times a week plus lots of wiping with wet wipes. So far he shows no signs of eczema but dd was this sort of age when hers started (and it is very strong in my family) so I suspect he will get it.

ginbin54 · 01/03/2014 09:09

CoffeeTea "6 year olds should be bathed each day".

Why?

Fusedog · 01/03/2014 09:15

My friends mate has a 9 yearly boy and 11 year old girl and she makes them share a bath I think this is totally innaproprate

AuditAngel · 01/03/2014 09:35

I have 3 DC, DS 9, DD1 6 (7 next month) and DD2 3.

Thy are bathed on a needs basis. DD1 is very sporty and active and so gets sweaty with greasy hair whilst DS is quite sedentary and so needs to shower less frequently.

I don't like DD2 in the bathroom by herself so will either ask DD1 to go in with her or ask DS to supervise if I'm busy, but last week when I asked him to supervise he shrugged and said he'd get in since he'd be there anyway.

DH thinks they should be bathed every other day including shampooing their hair twice, however, since he doesn't see the need for this to be done by him it doesn't happen Wink

icanmakeyouicecream · 01/03/2014 09:38

I don't think you're being unreasonable.

For us though, the kids have always been bathed/showered everyday in the evening. Part of the routine more than anything but I do find they get grubby. It's nice going to bed feeling all squeaky clean isn't it!

OneUp · 01/03/2014 09:43

I must be really dirty then. My 2 year old gets bathed once a week when she looks dirty and I just wipe her hands and face otherwise.

Booboostoo · 01/03/2014 09:52

The ex is being very unreasonable to withdraw contact over this. If it was just one thing you could decide to give into her to keep the peace, but given her form it sounds like she is just looking for excuses to vent.

My 3 year old has a bath every night and really enjoys it but I don't think it's the end of the world if she doesn't have one. I have eczema which reacts to my own bodily secretions and if I don't shower at least once a day I go bonkers!

SookyLaLa · 01/03/2014 09:57

It's up to you as the parent what works. We found bathing DD every night worked really well for her bed time routine as we were often in different places, it just meant regardless of where we were, she knew it was bed time. She is 3 now and has a shower every night, she likes it and it works for us.

eeetheygrowupsofast · 01/03/2014 10:04

Ours have a bath every day except Fridays as we just can't be arsed and want to guzzle wine (my dh and I - not the kids!) and flop. Three times a week is fine though I reckon.

Birdsgottafly · 01/03/2014 10:10

I would be interested in knowing the Mothers childhood.

I was allowed a bath twice a week and similar for my hair, even though at times I could of done with washing it daily.

I went to school with a very clean year group and stood out because of my lack of hygiene. It was also a very Catholic area and on a Sunday all the little girls were dressed and hair done for Church. I played out with my hair au natural.

My Mother laughed off any suggestion that I needed to be cleaner. She wasn't house proud, either.

As soon as I left home it was at least daily baths.

None of my children had skin conditions and liked water play, so it was daily baths for them as well.

I think at 7, if a child wants to wash more than their parent does, then they should be allowed to, so it depends on what the DSDs want.

I know scruffy, or less hygienic people, who have no awareness of how they differ from others, or don't care, which is fine for an adult to decide, but children should have some autonomy around being clean.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 01/03/2014 14:28

My friends mate has a 9 yearly boy and 11 year old girl and she makes them share a bath I think this is totally innaproprate

Nothing at all wrong with doing that as long as both children are comfortable with it.

Ericaequites · 01/03/2014 14:31

Even young children need a bath or shower every day to lean good health habits. Clean shirts and underwear daily are also important.

balia · 01/03/2014 14:40

On the baths issue, my DS who has eczema has a bath or a shower every day as his skin gets worse if he doesn't, and we always put DSS in the bath/shower when he is with us as his mum doesn't believe in washing (long story). Whilst I don't disagree that it is OK bathing little ones less, it does get them into the habit for teenage years, and as someone who spends quite a bit of time with teenagers, some of them really pong!

However, I agree with posters who say this is not about baths at all, but about control and limiting contact. DSS's mum was just the same. However, it is hard to prove and you might be better just agreeing to the demands for the time being. If she's anything like DSS's mum, she will soon show her true colours and start demanding totally unreasonable things that will make her true motives obvious to the court.

Mumof3xx · 01/03/2014 14:43

My three Are 6,4 and 10 months

They all get bathed every other day occasionally every other other day.

Baby sometimes more often if she poos everywhere or cakes herself in food which is beyond any cleaning apart from a bath!

Older two still share a bath, because they want too

MsColour · 01/03/2014 14:49

The court will have no sympathy for her over the baths issue. But if it's up for review in May, why not just agree for now so you don't miss out on time in the Easter holidays. Then get some legal advice, make sure this is mentioned in the statement as she has no right to dictate what you do in your home.

Oldraver · 01/03/2014 14:56

I couldn't say how often DS has a bath as it varies, and it really doesn't matter.

The Mum doe snot get to dictate to you when the DC's bathe, if you were sending them back skanky she may have a point. Likewise with the hair, you van decide for yourself if it needs washing

treas · 01/03/2014 15:17

Dsd may very well be at that 'tender age' but she is also at the age for tender skin - too much bathing is not good for the skin and can cause soreness / eczema type rashes.

Also children need some exposure to germs to build up their immunity so they are not 'tender'.

Your Dp's ex is taking the proverbial