Annoyed at people judging me how I spend my money

[AfroditeJones]

I never ask people about their financial situation, wether they have a mortgage or pay rent or how much they spend on food per week, etc. But so far today I have been criticised for buying my daughter a brand new maxi micro scooter for her Birthday in replacement for the one she had stollen it was kind of my fault few months ago. She couldn't get one for Christmas as we had already bought all her presents. Also I got criticised for giving her £5 to buy a book at her school book fair. Should I just point out that I have chosen to have only 1 child? That I don't spend money buying 'designer' clothes (yes with big labels on the outside to show off), for none of us? That I don't drive a car to cut costs? That I worked until I was 1 week due? That I went back to work when my child was 6 months and never stopped 6 years on? And also that I created my own business and have a part time some evenings too? Also I am quite frugal and go months without buying anything new. Rant over.

[Pinkelephanty]

Firstly both the examples you've given are perfectly reasonable ways to spend your money and secondly it's no ones business what you spend your money on.

Buying books at our school book fair helps the school because they get cash back/books off the percentage you spend so we always buy a book for each of the children. We borrow from the library too but what on earth is wrong with owning books? Crazy people, pay no attention.

[NearTheWindymill]

You don't need to explain a thing. All you need to say is "I earn it' I spend it and I'd rather spend it on dd than on me - don't you feel the same". Just do what you want. I spend on my dd all the time and I enjoy doing it because she's the only one I'm going to have and because I can.

[mysteryfairy]

OP your posts on the thread make judgements about people who wear designer clothes, run cars and buy cakes instead of baking them. That kind of seems to me to be on a very similar level to judging on spending money on new books or scooters. We all have our different spending priorities that make what others do seem odd.

[StarFruitBat]

Just going out on a limb here but are you a LP?

I am, and I have a reasonably good job, plus I'm pretty canny with money and rarely buy anything for myself. Maybe a new item of clothing 2 or 3 times a year.

But I really like my holidays, and this year after 3 yrs of saving hard I'm going on a bit of a fantasy holiday with DD to South America / Galapagos.

It will cost over 25% of my annual income. I've had a fair few snidey comments from people who I guess assume I'm borrowing the money or depriving DD. Most notably my boss, who goes on at least 4 holidays a year, and comes back with bags full of designer sunglasses and expensive shoes. She was quite nasty about it.

I think people think that if you're a lone parent you should be living hand to mouth, and how can you possibly afford such things. I have a much better standard of living than most married women I know, because I get to choose where the money goes, and it goes where I want it to.

[CromeYellow]

Don't let her away with criticising you, she is wrong, tell her that every time, she is wrong, your daughter deserves nice presents and books, you're not going to deprive her to suit mrs scrooge.

[Dwerf]

I have a one word reply to these people: "And?" delivered with scary glare.

If that doesn't work, there's always the two word answer... "fuck off."

[IShouldBeDoingSomethingElse]

I see my old self in you, the heightened awareness of being judged, the urge to explain defend and justify...

I was on benefits for a long time and the odd comment here or there made me feel everybody waa judging me. I got in to a habit of explaining and justifying every decision i made. Luckily i didnt quite go mad!

[AfroditeJones]

OP your posts on the thread make judgements about people who wear designer clothes, run cars and buy cakes instead of baking them. That kind of seems to me to be on a very similar level to judging on spending money on new books or scooters. We all have our different spending priorities that make what others do seem odd

The difference here is that I don't need to ask them how much they spend or even criticise them for spending it.

[AfroditeJones]

no I am not a lone parent.

Dh works full time in a very demanding job. By full time I mean 8am -10pm on 3 days a week 8am-5pm on the other days and only two days off work per week. Still he isn't well paid enough due to the nature of his job (catering).

And he is the most generous person you could ever meet.
So much so, that I have to be frugal and watch our money.

Also I have switched from a privileged upbringing and life to real hardship after I moved to England, when we weren't even entitled to benefits, and this changed my relationship with money forever.

[Joysmum]

I think this has hit a nerve with you given the way you've reacted. If somebody said something like that about my choices it wouldn't bother me in the least because I'm secure about my choices.

[mummyto2boysandagirl3]

U don't have to justify anything to anyone op ur money u spend it how u c fit. It's Moines business except urs and ur dhs

[mummyto2boysandagirl3]

*no ones sorry fat fingers :(