Annoyed at people judging me how I spend my money

[AfroditeJones]

I never ask people about their financial situation, wether they have a mortgage or pay rent or how much they spend on food per week, etc. But so far today I have been criticised for buying my daughter a brand new maxi micro scooter for her Birthday in replacement for the one she had stollen it was kind of my fault few months ago. She couldn't get one for Christmas as we had already bought all her presents. Also I got criticised for giving her £5 to buy a book at her school book fair. Should I just point out that I have chosen to have only 1 child? That I don't spend money buying 'designer' clothes (yes with big labels on the outside to show off), for none of us? That I don't drive a car to cut costs? That I worked until I was 1 week due? That I went back to work when my child was 6 months and never stopped 6 years on? And also that I created my own business and have a part time some evenings too? Also I am quite frugal and go months without buying anything new. Rant over.

[AfroditeJones]

And dd is far from spoiled but yes if she wasn't an only child, she would probably have less stuff or do less extra curricular activities ( just swimming and ballet atm, shoot me)

[SooticaTheWitchesCat]

Good grief, what does it have to do with anyone else what you buy your DD for her birthday. Both my girls have Micro Scooters and if one got stolen I would get another for their birthday.

They also have so many books they could open their own library! They love books so we buy them, what's the problem with that?

Some people are just weird - lol

[MarthasChin]

Tell them to sod off - you don't need to justify your spending choices (or any choices for that matter) to these people, so don't feel bad or try to explain yourself. I'm shocked that these people actually say anything about it to you! I wouldn't dream of talking to family or close friends about their spending.

[AWUGAAWUGAlookoutitsaMAN]

1. Stolen toys get replaced when you can. End of.
   
2. A lot of good parents would crawl across broken glass for their child to have books of their own that they can possess and enjoy. This ain't **ing Afghanistan.
   
3. If people are taking the piss and you have no intention of having a confrontation, laugh at them.

[PandaFeet]

Ok, well then they are just nobs and you should ignore them.

[WorraLiberty]

You either need to toughen up or dump your 'friend'.

[JuanFernandezTitTyrant]

I would keep practising this look

Or tell them to fuck off

[AMumInScotland]

Your 'friend' doesn't sound that much of a friend tbh.

I think you really need to be blunt with her, and tell her to Fuck Offmind he own business next time she criticises your choices.

But you also need to stop feeling apologetic about it, as that is what makes people think it is okay to treat you like a doormat. Even here you are practically apologising for why you 'had to' get a new one, explaining your reasons. Take a deep breath and think 'So what if I chose to buy a new one. It doesn't matter why I did that or whether it was the best possible use of money. The money is mine. The decision is mine.' Repeat in front of a mirror if you have to!

[dashoflime]

OP: I would be annoyed too!
Neither of those are excessive spends.

You replaced a stolen toy- as a birthday present. Many people wouldn't even have waited for the birthday

You bought a book for £7- this is not a big expenditure. Also, it was for a school bookfair so it prevents your child feeling left out.

Is there some background to this? Do you often moan about money to your friend for example? Does she envy you for something?

YANBU and your friend is an arse

[cozietoesie]

That sounds like the sort of behaviour of someone who is looking to control you and not an equal. Cast your mind back - does she 'take to do' with any other aspects of your life?

[AngelaDaviesHair]

Never apologise, never explain. The only responses you need are:

'Why do you ask?'
'Why do you care?'
'Because I want to'
'It's my money, so it's up to me, just leave it'

etc. depending on how sharp you want to be.

[ILoveWooly]

I perfected the phrase 'sorry, why do you ask?' when we got married. My MIL asked the cost of everything yet paid for nothing!

[redskyatnight]

Are you sure they were criticising you? Rather than saying "If I were you I wouldn't do that" and just offering a different opinion?

[puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE]

One of the reasons I only have one child is exactly that Afro So that I can afford extra curricular things, can afford holidays, can afford to buy her books and take her places.

People tend to make comments when they are jealous. Fuck'em you know whats best for your child

[Beechview]

A scooter and a book?? I think those are good things.

Why would anyone even have an opinion unless you were always moaning about being skint and borrowing money off them?

[AfroditeJones]

Borrowing money? ha ha.
Moaning? No, I avoid talking about money, mine or other people's.

She is good friend but she does talk about money quite a lot. I'm always impressed how can she remember purchases she done ages ago. And still have the energy to talk about it.
Yes I felt criticised, she asked me if I had gone crazy...

The other one is just a mum at the school gates whose I chat with sometimes. She saw my daughter holding an envelope, asked what it was for, and after hearing the answer, how much it was. Than she shooked her head and came up with the library comments.

[AfroditeJones]

I just think they are probably projecting their financial situation.

[Anonymai]

There are always people in life who feel the need to comment and put others down. My ex SIL told me that my daughter was spoilt when I got her two presents for her birthday. A jigsaw and a baby doll. Yes, very spoilt! I think they get pleasure out of nitpicking.

[dashoflime]

"I just think they are probably projecting their financial situation."

That sounds about right

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

YANBU and the phrase 'it's none of your business' would be totally apt.

[Stinklebell]

It annoys me too.

Although, no one has ever commented when I've bought something for my children.

Only ever if I've bought something for myself - new clothes, had my hair cut or something. I'm "depriving" my poor children

I never justify myself, I don't have to, it annoys me though

[Melonbreath]

It's your money, if you chose to empty your account and wipe your arse with twenties it's nobody's business but yours. I'm not saying you should do that by the way.

[Fluffyears]

This gives me the rage. I once came to work with a bag containing colourful case straps as our black case just looks like everyone else's when we are waiting in airport. The loudmouth idiot across from me said 'you waste your money on shite!' I turned smiled sweetly and said 'oh sorry what the hell does my spending and income have to do with you?' She had just spent the day tracking down bunny ears on the internet to wear for breast cancer day and was going to

[Fluffyears]

Aargh posted too soon...was going to waste spend £8 on them.

[thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter]

Oh lordy this reminds me of my MIL.

When I was young (teen/early20's) and stupid(er) sometimes we'd visit my PIL on the way back from the shops. She used to bully me to hand over my shopping bags so that she could rifle through them in front of FIL and tut and cats bum face at stuff she thought was expensive

One day I got her back and went to Ann Summers before our visit and shoved it in another bag...funnily enough she never did it again after that

I suggest you purchase DD something outrageous - child's spa day? Useless accessory with Las Vegas amounts of diamante embellishment? and drop it into the conversation then flounce off

....Or you could lie about it save your £££ and still enjoy winding them up